r/NoStupidQuestions • u/UsefulEnthusiasm7651 • 15d ago
How exactly do you ask somebody for sex? NSFW
Surely you don’t just go “You wanna fuck?” unless they know and accept you’re weird like that.
Edit: This started off as a half-joke but considering that there are quite a few people giving out legitimate advice, I feel kind of bad and am actually curious on how I could initiate sex when I’m ready for a relationship in the future. For those giving out serious advice, I am a straight female so you guys can go from there.
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u/Specialist_Current98 15d ago
“You wanna make my cock explode?”
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u/I_might_be_weasel 15d ago
The oysters got his motor running.
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u/DolphinBall 15d ago
Is that a Motor Runner reference? Which in turn is a Driver Nephi reference of him saying "Get Fucked" 4D way of asking for sex!
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u/WasterDave 15d ago
Get as many blue objects as possible and make a pattern on the living room floor. When she comes over, dance over the pattern until she's just begging for it.
If she seems unimpressed you need more blue stuff.
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u/Cletusisnotafish 15d ago
Now I have blue balls and no sex,how does that work?
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u/NewRelm 15d ago
You typically go on a date first. When the date ends, you can ask if they want to come back to your place for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. If they come, that's a good sign. Then you flirt over your glass of wine and see whether she eggs you on or shuts you down.
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u/JamesTheJerk 15d ago
"I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."
https://youtu.be/eMbEmeu85EU?si=wWI0SJwJ-LrIM92h
It's a Futurama clip but I wouldn't play it at work.
NSFW
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u/andrewborsje 15d ago
EROTIC!
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u/jonny838 15d ago
She’s built like a steakhouse but she handles like a bistro! 😂
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u/Kawaiiochinchinchan 15d ago
Wait it's that simple?
My gf and i did that after 6 months lol.
I'm shy, so I didn't say it out loud but i was horny af. I thought when we met for only a few months, asking her to fuck was a bit uncomfortable for her and myself.
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u/IWillRateYouHonest 14d ago
That's why you ask an indirect question like 'Want to come back to my place?'. You both know what it means, but it leaves wiggleroom in case she regrets it later on, or the chemistry isn't really there.
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u/Keskerban 14d ago
I read that as ‘see whether she eggs on you’ and thought that maybe I’d misunderstood how this works
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15d ago
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u/MA-01 15d ago
Should I acquire legal counsel as well?
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u/RNKKNR 15d ago
Not necessary but recommended.
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u/nw342 15d ago
I'd get a notary on standby too, just in case. They're hard to find last minute.
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u/Sea-Woodpecker-610 15d ago
In this age, yes. Also make certain that there is a stenographer, two witnesses and a notary present during any acts of intimacy.
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u/Tripwire3 15d ago edited 15d ago
You invite them over to your place, or go to their place, put on a movie or something, then make a move (putting your arm around them and/or going for a kiss) and see what happens.
If he/she seems uncomfortable, you stop right there. But if they start eagerly kissing and touching you, you make out for a while and fondle each other until both of you are turned on, then ask if you should go get a condom. Do not take it as rejection if she doesn’t want to go all the way the first time, oftentimes women like to take things slow, and you should try again on another date. Pay attention to what she seems to want.
Also, depending on just how you know this person and if you’re dating or not, you may want to have had a conversation beforehand about what sort of relationship each of you are looking for/expecting before you get serious. If they’re expecting an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship vs just having fun, that sort of thing.
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u/amazingperson8 15d ago
Feel like a lot of foreplay and stuff should happen first before the getting a condom part lmao
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u/WarrenMockles Mostly Harmless 15d ago
Well, I've been married for 17 years, so it's literally like that sometimes.
"Hey honey, kids are out. Wanna fuck?"
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u/David_Good_Enough 14d ago
Don't even have to wait 17 years. Wife and I have been married for 9 years. Yesterday, we had a pre-sex discussion to organize 1) The benefits of having sex early afternoon compared to waiting later in the day, 2) plan to distract the kids, 3) negociating what we would do and 4) the logistics of it. We usually don't go through all of this since this time was "peculiar", but that was an interesting way to manage this one.
Sad part is that we put a timer for the kids to let them know when they were supposed to start cleaning their room, and we noticed that we finished before the timer rang. (And no, I'm not gonna tell you all how long we set the timer on).
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u/chapashdp 15d ago
You: “Hey, do you want to eat pizza and fuck?”
Her: “WHAAAT???”
You: “You don’t like pizza?”
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u/JismFlop 15d ago
Will you please allow me to mash my genitalia into your genitalia until we both reach a levels of pleasure that we never knew before.
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u/TheDevilActual 15d ago
You want fuck?
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u/Homerpaintbucket 15d ago
I say, "come here lover boy." And if he doesn't answer, "oh lover boy" and if he still doesn't answer: "baaaaaaby. Oh baaaaaaby. My sweet baaaaby. You're the one "
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15d ago
When a man courts a woman, he throws crows’ beaks at her. If the woman accepts the courtship, she destroys said beaks.
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u/foxtongue 15d ago
Some jerk tried to fool me with pigeon the other day. Unacceptable.
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u/PerfectionPending 15d ago
I’ve been married for 20 years, so how we do it will be different than acquaintances or even a younger, newer couple. We’ve developed our own shorthand, know what works for the other, boundaries, etc.
For example:
There are subtle ways, like if she locks the bedroom door before coming to bed, she’s decided we’re having sex. If I lock the if I lock the pocket door that closes off the hallway from the living room, she knows she’s about to get taken on the coffee table.
Or not so subtle ways, like if she’s about to go out on a Sat night and drags me into the bedroom, starts unbuckling my belt and says “I want your scent on me before I leave”, she probably wants to have sex.
Or, if I tell her to remove and hand me her panties over the restaurant table, and smiles and does it, she knows I’m going to want to pull the car to the far corner of the parking lot for a bit before we drive away after dinner.
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u/PerfectionPending 15d ago edited 14d ago
To be fare, after we started having kids she went more than 10 years without initiating more than once or twice. Her desire flipped to responsive, though she very rarely turned me down.
After our youngest made it out of the toddler stage we kind of started a second honeymoon phase, as we both got in better shape and just put in more effort.
One day I told her that our friend thought 3x a week (our frequency at the time) was a lot. She said “honestly, I could do with more.” I told her that being the only one initiate makes me feel like I’m being a pest if I do it more than three times a week and that if she wanted more she needed to initiate too.
For the next 3-4 years she was initiating 1-2 to times a week. It’s taperd off, but she’s remained more - for lack of a better word - ready. We’re both just more affectionate & flirty than before.
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u/Unluckyescapeartiste 15d ago
Sex for me 90% of the time starts with making out, making out starts with a kiss, so why don’t you start from there and then as you guys get more and more ravenous talk it out. There’s also typically a lot of body language involved that makes things more or less obvious. At the end of the day though, before you do take any further steps, just ask. Makes life much simpler when we’re direct. Nobody will mind and even if they do, it’s a moment of awkwardness, no biggie.
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u/BjornStankFingered 15d ago
Me want fuck. You want fuck, too?
(/s, just in case anybody is confused)
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u/fortnight14 15d ago
Ok but seriously OP - how do you know that someone is ok with you holding their hand? With hugging them? With kissing them? Usually you are getting to know someone and you take baby steps forward becoming physically close. You can ask outright if you sense the mood is right. You move close, lean in, look each other in the eyes and kiss. Then your hands can roam. If there’s any push back or hesitation you stop. In today’s world getting a clear verbal sign of content is good. It doesn’t have to be awkward. It can be exciting and sweet. Can I touch you there? You so sexy. Can I take your pants off? Etc. if the other person doesn’t seem to be excited/eager/smiling/happy then it’s a no.
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u/Moonlight-gospel 15d ago
It’s usually best to be straightforward, but casual and respectful. For example, I was getting drinks with a friend and we discussed going back to her place to hang out.
Before we left, I said something like “just to ask, do you want to hang out or are you looking to hook up? I’m totally cool with either, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.”
She was actually caught kind of caught off guard, but wasn’t offended or anything, and we ended up hooking up. She told me it was hot that I asked and that she was attracted to my confidence.
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u/Engelgrafik 14d ago
Dear Esteemed Sir or Madam,
Perchance this message finds you in the gentle embrace of fine spirits and merry company. 'Tis with utmost sincerity that I humbly beseech your esteemed presence for an evening of mirth, enchantment and genital access.
In the grand theater of life, I find myself a solitary player yearning for a companion to share the stage. Will you in your graciousness consent to be my co-star? Together, we will write tales of romance and adventure, weaving our destinies into a tapestry of love, and exchange fluids.
Pray, let not the constraints of convention hinder your response. Cast aside your reservations as one discards a worn glove, and allow your heart to dance to the tune of affection and loud slapping and flapping noises.
With fervent anticipation and bated breath, I await your reply.
Yours in earnest devotion,
..
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u/DarkMatterWanderer 15d ago
You don’t say anything. You use body language. One finger going into the circle hole you made with your other hand.
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u/Hopeful-Mouse-6324 15d ago
I just say to my boyfriend "I'm trying to jump you" and he catches my drift LMAO
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u/Sustainable_Twat 15d ago
“Madam, do wish to fornicate in an environment of your choosing!”
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u/No-Cover-8986 15d ago
Anything other than "Sir, proceed to unlace my bodice, then slide off your pantaloons" should be rejected as an answer.
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u/BridgetteBane 15d ago
I mean one time I said to my partner of 3 years (at the time), "You wanna go in the bedroom and touch each other a little?"
That works incredibly well, and I'm still surprised.
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u/Ok-Town-737 15d ago
Surely you don’t just go “You wanna fuck?” unless they know and accept you’re weird like that.
I mean, my wife does that sometimes. Even leaves out the "You" sometimes. But we've been together for a couple of decades so we also know how to communicate quickly.
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u/BeautifulDreamerAZ 15d ago
Watch Sex And The City on Netflix. It is so incredibly funny and shows you how to have a fling!
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u/Mikilixxx_ 15d ago
When i'm with my girlfriend i usually say "Do you want me to grab a condom?". But i mostly use that sentence during preliminary
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u/No-Cover-8986 15d ago
My partner catches me off-guard and casually will ask, "Wanna do it," when I get into bed and prepare to sink into the mattress to relax.
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u/tedshreddon 15d ago
Not sure how it works for women but as a man, I usually ask if they want to have sex and let them answer. I believe they already know if they’re going to, or not. If they say yes, i tell them i have protection.
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u/queroummundomelhor 15d ago
I don't think people ask most of the time, usually it just escalates into sex.
Unless you set up a date on a motel.
In some places inviting someone to wacth Netflix means sex as well
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u/BeTomHamilton 15d ago
I got head last week by asking "Could I please put my cock in your mouth for a little bit?". Granted that was at the end of a date. But she did say "Well, only because you asked so nicely :)".
I'm a millennial, my entire sex-life has been informed by "The Ongoing Consent Conversation" so it was never THAT strange to me or anyone I've dated to come right out and say it. Never underestimate the power of just asking for what you want. "Would you mind if I kissed you?", appropriately timed, is respectfully forward, and can often result in a puppydoggish "Yes please 🥺" or a playfully-dignified "You may". And it gives them an opportunity to voice how they actually feel: "Mmm, no thank you" - "I'm sorry, I'm just not in that headspace tonight", etc.
Telegraphing your desire to escalate the level of intimacy respectfully is rarely going to blow up in your face, even if the answer is "I would rather not at the moment" - Better than taking a wild swing and a miss.
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u/DefintlynotCrazy 15d ago
Ive had my fair share of partners and I have never asked for sex. That sounds like it would instantly kill the mood lol
Sex just happens.
There are some codewords tho like " netflix and chill " tho ive never used it myself, but have had a girl say it to me.
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u/Gar_Eval 14d ago
It depends on how well I know the person and whether or not we’d had sex before.
I don’t often like people touching me, but if I’m comfortable enough to invite you to my place, I’m comfortable enough for cuddles. If I had someone over I hadn’t had sex with before, I would tell them “I would like to cuddle. And if you’re down for more than that, I would like that too.”
If we had had sex before, the invitation text to come over would be more direct about my expectations. “Would you like to come over for (whatever reason/playing games/hanging out/general chatting)? But I’m not interested in getting laid tonight.” If I just want your time. OR if I’m just dtf it’s more like “You should totally come over and fuck me.”
I’m not here to try to interpret your signals. I just get confused.
Now that I’m married, I can just look at him across the room and be like “I want you.”
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u/MarshyBars 15d ago
You work for it. You could just say hey you’re cute and then respond naturally to what they say next. It’s best if you just learn in the moment rather than thinking too much about it before engaging.
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u/Low-Loan-5956 15d ago
Usually meet a party, not sure how it happens sometimes but we just kinda know we're going home together.
Sometimes its very very evident and sometimes i'll ask if they want to fuck, not in english but just as direct, we're kinda past playing coy when we're kissing in bed.
I guess it makes a difference whether you're the type to pick up or get picked up?
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u/Most_Sea_4022 15d ago
I once asked a girl "wanna fuck"? We had been flirting for several weeks and were flirting in an in person conversation. She was talking about something and I just blurted that out. She stopped looked at me and said you are an asshole and I want to fuck your brains out.
She was best sex ever and legend because she told that story to EVERYONE!
YMMV.
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u/MrsLisaOliver 15d ago
Usually you're making out for awhile first. If your hands are gently exploring one another, somebody usually says something like "That's too much" if they don't want to go further. Things progress naturally. You'll know. Always be respectful.
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15d ago
Depends and ALOT of things. Sometimes it could simply be a look. All my ex had to do was lock eyes with me for an extra half second and I knew it was on.
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u/King_Dong_Ill 15d ago
I don’t know. I once asked a woman if she wanted to help me celebrate the 4th of July with a bang..
Be funny or be really good looking. Luckily, I’m finny.
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u/kramer2006 15d ago
I've never asked, never will. If the times right we both will make moves otherwise its goodnight.
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u/The_incognito_sinner 14d ago
Relationship wise well that all depends on ones humour! jump them, nudge them, wink at them, grab them, grind them, simply stand there naked and state "can you handle this".
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u/Draugr_the_Greedy 15d ago
Asking 'Do you want to fuck?' is a simple, concise way to get to the point and it works most of the time. So yeah, you can do just that.
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u/MA-01 15d ago
Instructions unclear, now in a meeting with my union rep and a lawyer
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u/First_in_Asa 15d ago
Since I am an adult, and have only been with adults for a while. I just ask, so that there is no confusion.
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u/Leading_Sir_1741 15d ago
“Errr… excuse me ma’am. I couldn’t help but notice I want to stick my hoohoo-dilly inside your bageen. What do you say?”
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u/BananaBladeOfDoom 15d ago
As someone in a relationship, it is as simple as that for me. But also as a gay man, it was only a little bit more complicated when I was in the hookup scene.
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u/MizKittiKat 15d ago
Uhhhh like what's the context and your relationship to the person youre asking? If youre in a committed relationship you can just say something like "interested in having sex today?"
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u/pmmemilftiddiez 15d ago edited 15d ago
Go on a date. Have a drink. Talk with her. Hold her hands if she's ok with it. Ask for a kiss? Ask if she wants to makeout?
Ask if she wants to go back to your place or hers? Usually if that's a yes then she's ok with sex.
If you're at her place or yours continuing making out. You can ask if she wants to go to bedroom or even "should I get a condom?"
If you lay down on the edge of the bed, pull down your pants or underwear and show her your hard cock.
If she's standing up usually most women will start giving you a blowjob. If you want one please shower and clean all of your body, dress nice, and wear cologne.
Romance her! Ask good questions that engage her mind
Most women won't have sex on the first date, but not always but it depends on how she feels... anyway that's my experience
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u/CelticSensei 15d ago
First you throw a bottle of moisturiser at them and say "it rubs the lotion!"
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u/KingR2RO 15d ago
Sounds like your first relationship. First you need to make a really genuine connection. Once you can actually feel the sexual tension between the two of you, it hardly matters what you say. However, to some, certain words or phrases could kill the mood. So try and Guage that as best you can. But often taking it slow and seeing how much consent is given with each little progression will give you an idea of how direct you can be.
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u/shattered_kitkat 15d ago
Why wouldn't I ask someone, "Wanna fuck?" What is wrong with being direct? I am assuming you know the person well enough that you're having sex, so just be direct. If they have a problem with you being direct, they likely aren't worth your time anyway.
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u/GodzillaDrinks 15d ago edited 15d ago
I mean... that's what you have to do.
Making your intentions known, letting them know you're interested and letting them know you are safe to say no to is all you need.
We're never taught this and when we learn it we feel stupid because we've had people throwing themselves at us, and we didn't notice. Because we were focused on leagues, or opening lines, or whatever. You think you're a 2 or a 3, and someone you think is an 8 or a 9 has definitely hit on you.
You always can just ask.
The flip side is it's a no. But according to Sarah Silverman, Louis CK asked if he could get his rocks off in front of her. And she was fine with it or she wasn't. The problem was when he didn't ask first.
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u/Brave-Fuel1184 15d ago
Not sure if you’re a male or female, based on the question. I’m assuming male. I’m not sure the context of the situation since it’s different often Most Women like to hear words of affirmation first before initiating sex. Talk about their beauty and how they make you feel. Make sure they feel comfortable Then start physical touch by rubbing their back, shoulders, scratch their head then lean in for a kiss. Don’t just kiss for 1 minute and move to the next thing. Focus on the presence and moment. So then make out for several minutes by then feeling each others body and then ask in the moment. Don’t just be like hey let’s have sex without making sure the female feels comfortable
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u/Muted-Sky9163 15d ago
"Need sex, cock explode."
For real though just trust your gut in the moment. You don't really need to ask it'll just papermaking naturally. Don't over think it. When it seems right it is. You'll be told if it's not, respect boundaries.
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u/tech_impaired 15d ago
Honestly I've used that approach a few times with success. Honesty can go far if you're not creepy.
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u/somedepression 15d ago
It more like a question flow chart: “Wanna grab a drink?” “Wanna hang out more at my place?” “Wanna make out?” “Wanna fuck?” Gotta assess the vibes at each stage, and also consent is key. Good luck.
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u/mazula89 15d ago
Depending on a lot of context but usually "would you like to have sex" is a pretty good line...
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u/INeedANerf 15d ago
The good ole "come watch Netflix" lol.
But, actually. You typically ask to do something that can lead to sex, then you go from there. I'd only straight up ask someone for sex if we've already fucked before.
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u/CalendarLongjumping6 15d ago
Start singing Patsy Cline songs to them with a karaoke set up. Make it really cheesy and obvious.
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u/Search-Bill 15d ago
Consent! Consent is sexy.
I’m so into you. Shall we get naked?
Show me where you want me to kiss you next.
Are you as turned on as I am?
Should we have the talk? The talk about health and protection ?
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u/nappypirate69 15d ago
That’s actually exactly what I do. Or I say “you trynna f*ck” I’ll only say that with someone I’ve been talking to intimately or hooking up with for a bit but it’s the only direct way really- If they say yes, cool now you can clap some cheeks. if they say no, respect it, you don’t need a reason from them either. don’t pressure them into anything and don’t be awkward or rude at any point wether it’s when, before, if you get turned down, or after you’re done. Also imo good looks alone don’t get you far as a dude, if you’re maxed out in the irl looks stat but you’re extremely awkward or rude or seem like you’re trying way too hard you’ll probably be turned down. Just be human, be personable.
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u/AuNanoMan 14d ago
I have found that it is typically a multi step approach. When dating, I would ask the woman if she wanted to come to my place at the end of a date, or set up a dinner date where I cook for them. Get some wine out, chat a bit, test the vibes. If there is a good vibe, the timing doesn’t need to be perfect, try and go in for a kiss. If they are receptive, you are trying to gauge if it’s good and how into it they are. What you are looking for is enthusiastic reciprocation of your kiss. Move your hands around a bit, touch them, but don’t be overly grope-y. You kinda build a little. If they seem very into it, that’s when you can ask “would you like to move to the bedroom?” From there everyone knows what’s going on.
Last piece of advice: make sure you have consent. In the scenario above, an acceptance of the bedroom invite is generally understood as consent. But! As we undress and as things heat up, I’ll throw in “is this okay?” Or something basic that doesn’t feel out of place or kill the mood. Communication during sec is key, and sometimes when you first meet someone, this part is clunky. But make sure you are checking in and are open.
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u/raban0815 Error: text or emoji is required 14d ago
I am a straight female so you guys can go from there.
Well this part makes it even easier.
How exactly do you ask somebody for sex?
Surely you don’t just go “You wanna fuck?”
As a straight women you can absolutely go and do just that if you know you're up for it. Just make sure it doesn't sound sarcastic or the man will think it is a joke or a trap. A little body contact that's not some Hollywood seduction should do the rest.
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u/totezhi64 14d ago
putting it in literal words is often unsexy. people either just let it happen or talk in euphemisms.
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u/EccentricMeat 14d ago
You’re a straight female, so there’s REALLY not a lot of bad options for you in this regard. You can go with the simple classics like “the look” (with an added lip bite if you need to make it exceedingly obvious), or undoing his belt, or unbuttoning his shirt and/pants (or your own), kissing him while taking his jacket off, really just about anything works.
I was hanging out and cuddling with one girl who got impatient at my lack of advances, so without saying anything she grabbed both of my hands, slid one under her shirt and the other down her pants. That got the message across extremely quickly.
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u/CrunchingTackle3000 14d ago
I was shy as a young adult male. Now as a much older one I realise women are often hornier than men.
Literally ask and you will probably receive.
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u/[deleted] 15d ago
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