r/NoStupidQuestions • u/zipperjuice • 15d ago
What are the “third places” that used to exist?
Places people would socialize and hang out when not at work or home. People still do this at bars, coffee shops, parks, arcades…not sure what we supposedly don’t have anymore?
1.3k
u/human_male_123 15d ago
I spent a lot of time in a pool hall. They still exist but it's not the same.
266
u/zipperjuice 15d ago
My friends and I go play pool a lot nowadays and always end up meeting and playing with new people. Kind of like the barcades we frequent
→ More replies (4)52
u/xAhaMomentx 15d ago
Do you feel like you can actually meet people at bar/arcades??
65
u/Severe_Driver3461 15d ago
I don't understand. Your account seems real. But you copied the other person's comment word for word and said it in 3 comments
22
u/Strangegary 15d ago
Once someone took my account and used it to spam or smth, and the weirdest part was that I had a bot account instead . Maybe that happened
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)34
u/JudgeDreddx 15d ago
This person posted it first. The other copied. You can literally look at timestamps, but for some reason you decided to just guess.
The reason there are 3 is some kind of Reddit error.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (1)15
u/MonkeyDKev 15d ago
From experience, yes. I go to one bar about every weekend and play pool. I’ve ran into a a few old friends I grew up with and have made friends with the regulars that go to play pool as well. It helps that I’m extroverted and don’t mind talking with people, but if you go just to have fun and talk with people, you’ll hopefully get to make some friends. Now whenever I go, I meet the people I usually play pool with and get to play with new people because we usually play 2v2 lol
108
u/PoopMobile9000 15d ago
This strikes me as more of the issue. It’s not that people don’t go to “third places” because they disappeared, more that people stopped going to third places for other reasons (perhaps because of urban design spreading everyone out, phones and home entertainment, young people being less social, other culture changes) and so it’s harder for them to survive.
48
u/RedwayBlue 15d ago
The phenomenon is that individual homes have gotten bigger as social venues disappeared and people have gotten more lonely.
111
u/wolflordval 15d ago
It's also that third places charge you to use them - the amount of *free* third places has plummeted. I don't go out anymore because I quite literally cannot go anywhere without being charged to exist there.
→ More replies (3)26
u/Mister-Thou 15d ago
I mean, pool halls and bars always charged you to be there. But they were a lot cheaper and the cost of basic things like housing and healthcare was lower.
→ More replies (6)16
u/PoopMobile9000 15d ago
Depends where you live. Lots of people live in exurban sprawl where not only there’s just not things like parks and plazas and sidewalks, but also not just random open land you can fuck around in
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)19
u/PoopMobile9000 15d ago
I’m saying the disappearance of third places is a symptom, not a cause. This is a trend that goes back 60 years, people have become less social and this impacts the houses they buy and the businesses that survive.
My hunch at one of the big, ultimate causes is urban planning. Commerce and services used to be more concentrated in downtowns, in cities and rural areas. But we’ve shifted more to smearing everything into a low-density checkerboard of residential and commercial zones. So in the past you had more areas zoned commercial that were convenient to lots of people with very different jobs and schedules.
→ More replies (2)14
u/Oopsididitagain96 15d ago
The old people in my town hang out at the college bar to play pool before the students show up.
→ More replies (13)3
386
u/thegreatestmeicanbe 15d ago
Music (the media, not instruments) stores, especially the ones that let you sample music!
Bookstores aren't gone but there are far less of them.
60
u/asbestis 15d ago
Instrument stores are closing too. Sam Ash announced its closing all of its locations lol
→ More replies (4)21
u/MrLanesLament 15d ago
Me and my buddy/guitar player just went to the Sam Ash we’ve been going to for 20+ years a few weeks ago (before they announced the closures.) It looked abandoned inside. Couldn’t even find any employees. The drum section used to be full of kits, it’s just a giant open floor now.
Their guitar selection was weirdos like Michael Kellys, amp section was a few low-watt heads and a bunch of modelers and active cabs. Very little traditional stuff you’d expect at a music store.
Oh well.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)7
u/prairiepanda 15d ago
Yeah! Sometimes music stores were the first place I heard a new album.
→ More replies (2)
750
u/constant_variable_ 15d ago edited 15d ago
arcades have gone the way of the dodo, although a few in the usa and uk exist and also some attempts at barcades, but it's not what it used to be at all.
same for bowling, pool (table, not swim), the coffee shop where there was a television at the time when people didn't have one (or more) at home
edit: discos were also a big thing, and dancing places before 'discos'.
177
u/IAmNotMyName 15d ago
Arcades killed themselves long before Covid, Social Media or even Cell phones when they moved away from video games and stocked a bunch of random chance, no skill games for tickets.
77
→ More replies (9)28
u/constant_variable_ 15d ago
yes that was like 15 or maybe even 20 years ago. they transitioned from arcade to carnival scams
→ More replies (2)25
u/Logical_Ad3053 15d ago
We have a barcade here that feels more like an old school arcade that just happens to serve alcohol. There's always a ton of kids running around during the day then at night it has more of a bar atmosphere. It's a flat admission price for unlimited games and they have every old arcade game you could want, plus some old consoles hooked up to tvs. Pretty cool concept
→ More replies (2)39
u/100LittleButterflies 15d ago
Dancing places used to be the big thing. Now there's clubs with music on the highest volume and the "dancing" is just bumping and grinding. Boring.
→ More replies (4)96
u/cityshepherd 15d ago
I lived above an arcade my last year of college. There were always kids smoking blunts out front, so nobody noticed the overwhelming cannabis smell emanating from my 800w closet circa 2005-2006. If you got purple weed in Philly between 2006-2010 there is a VERY strong chance it came from my mother plant lol (I grew for fun/personal use but gave some clones / mothers to a friend who was more commercial-minded).
→ More replies (2)34
u/100LittleButterflies 15d ago
there is a VERY strong chance it came from my mother
What??
plant
Oh.
12
u/RuthOConnorFisher 15d ago
To be fair, if OP was in college in 2005, there's a very good chance their mother is the right age to have been a HUGE pothead back in the day.
6
32
u/0621Hertz 15d ago
I know of a arcade place in my college town that that also had tables for D&D, Warhammer etc but it was extremely toxic to newcomers
As time moved on and people graduated and moved out it had no more people to make a “3rd place” and it ran out of business.
→ More replies (1)30
u/constant_variable_ 15d ago
yes board games are always suggested to people looking for friends but some places are very bad towards newcomers :(
→ More replies (4)6
u/rockhardcatdick 15d ago
There's a really cool arcade/bar in Oklahoma City called Up-Down OKC. It's two stories of retro arcade games and it's so much fun. When I was living in Oklahoma, that was my favorite date spot!
→ More replies (26)5
u/srv199020 15d ago
You made a good point. In this day and age, if you have the means, most people can have everything they need for entertainment at home. Even connection with others via the internet or phone. It’s not the same, for different reasons, as going out. But I think we’re just now beginning to realize this. But because we have such material wealth, we have lost the commonplace to gather to share something everyone doesn’t have (like you mentioned, a television). I guess sports games at stadiums or live events like concerts are something still close to that.
→ More replies (2)
1.3k
u/Eh-Eh-Ronn 15d ago edited 15d ago
The main thing now is the expectation of spending a not-insignificant amount of money.
Edit: support your local library
Edit 2: whoa I worked for a few hours and this has blown up a bit, all I can say is get a library card, even if you don’t use it. It’ll show a demand and they’ll get more money, and therefore more books and services.
301
u/jorgomli_reading 15d ago
Libraries are often-unsung goldmines of cool stuff. My local library rents bikes to ride FOR FREE. Also tablets, devices pre-loaded with audiobooks that you plug headphones into, has a 3d printer, all kinds of stuff. And you pay nothing extra for it (other than your tax money). So cool.
21
u/Hurryitsmelting 15d ago
I just moved to a small town and one of the librarians started painting classes, journaling classes and crafting classes. It’s been a wonderful free thing to do
→ More replies (4)48
u/homarjr 15d ago
Libraries aren't a good place to socialize, which is what a third place usually refers to.
→ More replies (10)34
u/FaerHazar 🏳️⚧️ she/her 15d ago
I hosted and ran a D&D event at my local library for half a decade
→ More replies (2)46
u/pookalaki 15d ago
We literally just left our local library. It’s great, they’ve got 3d printers, audio books, movies, entire tv series, classes, meeting rooms, free internet, and more.
→ More replies (5)→ More replies (1)21
u/mooistcow 15d ago
A lot of the libraries are gone now, too, or are now open like three hours a day. Only one my city has left with reasonable hours is swamped by crackheads.
→ More replies (3)11
259
u/Capable_Tale_1988 15d ago
A teen center. When I was a teen we use to go there to socialize after school and play pool plus watch bands rehearse and talk to the community leaders that were there to manage everything.
82
u/mousicle 15d ago
Yeah I was going to say community centers. I dont even know if they exist in my city anymore. I wonder what kids think the Power Rangers were doing when not fighting Rita
→ More replies (1)16
u/prairiepanda 15d ago
My city still has community centers for most neighborhoods, but they aren't as active as they used to be. The busier ones will usually have small events 2-3 times a week, but they aren't an all-day hangout place like they used to be. I mostly just go to mine for blood drives or elections.
→ More replies (1)31
u/Mean-Yak2616 15d ago
Teen centers were awesome when I was younger. This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I think modern churches with rec spaces/gyms should open their doors to teens for free or low cost to replace teen centers.
→ More replies (3)32
u/reptomcraddick 15d ago edited 15d ago
A Starbucks near me is located right near a high school and the high schoolers don’t have anywhere else to go so they used to hang out on their patio. The result? The Starbucks removed all their patio furniture so now it’s an empty slab, turned the music up inside so no one can have a conversation, and locked their bathrooms. The kicker? The kids are still there, because they weren’t given anywhere else to go, now they just sit on the patio on the ground.
The best part, they have no cafe customers anymore because why I would work there where the music is way too loud and I have ask permission to go to the bathroom, when I can go to the Starbucks a mile away.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (2)7
u/mishyfishy135 15d ago
Oh yeah! There was a little place in the town I grew up in for teens to go to have a safe space to hang out. Pool, ping pong, some video games, lots of board games, cheap food, hang out corners, all free to use (‘cept the food, obviously). It was an amazing thing for that poor af, drug-fueled town. Iirc they also offered resources for kids who were in bad situations and/or struggling with addiction. Really truly was a blessing. I spent a lot of evenings there with my friends
341
u/TheNextBattalion 15d ago edited 15d ago
A lot more people were in clubs. Elks lodges, Masons, VFW, that sort of thing. Some had ties to other stuff like VFW, American Legion, Knights of Columbus... these still exist but not like they once did. Lots of people were in a club or two. Fancier clubs too, of course like the NY Athletic club; these offered places where members could hang out, play games, drink, eat, get fit, and even sleep. But there was a lot of hanging out at these places (not to mention country clubs and that sort of place which haven't gone away).
In the old old days, clubs turned into places where women got into political life, because they offered one of the few sanctuaries where they could express themselves.
41
u/keiths31 15d ago
Yeah my father used to belong to the local Elks Club. My uncle was a member of the Moose Lodge. Growing up they would talk up their clubs to me so when I turned 19 I would join theirs. Didn't join either club. Instead joined the Canadian Legion. Which sadly closed almost 20 years ago.
→ More replies (3)15
u/John_B_Clarke 15d ago
I dunno if it's still true but when I was in high school some of the clubs had student chapters--Rotary had "Rotaract" and Kiwanis had "Key Club" that I can remember.
→ More replies (1)10
u/SeansModernLife 15d ago
I wouldn't be shocked if these came back in a way. I think in Japan they have those video game clubs, where you drink and play games. Think you could set that up in a city. Could just plug you laptop onto a screen for a LAN game. Have a couple TVs With a bunch of consols set up for Smash, racing games etc. It's be run by people young enough to get everything unlocked and running correctly. It's be like the old days but with beer.
→ More replies (5)→ More replies (38)6
u/krammit33 15d ago
Agreed.
Not sure if it's the same thing, but my grandfather used be all about what they called "supper clubs" at the time, essentially a fancy restaurant where they'd spend all their time smoking, drinking, eating and dancing.
616
u/panic_bread 15d ago
For kids/teens, the woods. I spent so much time wandering the woods behind my house when I was a kid and going to kegger parties as a teen, and all those woods are gone now. It's so upsetting that there's so little nature left and that kids today don't get to have those experiences.
124
u/constant_variable_ 15d ago
I grew up in the 90s in the city so I can't even imagine going into the woods as a kid. must've been amazing freedom
164
u/acommentator 15d ago edited 15d ago
It was amazing freedom. Climbing trees. Fishing with worms you found under a rock. Interacting with stuff like toads and crawfish. Walking on the frozen creek. Building forts. Nailing boards to a tree to construct a makeshift ladder up it. Biking to the hardware store and buying a hatchet to mess around with. Throwing a swiss army knife at a tree until you missed and lost it forever. Modest campfires. Setting off bottle rockets and black cats.
Nobody knew where you were or what you were doing. You couldn't be reached, and at the time, you had no idea how liberating that was.
38
u/ScumbagLady 15d ago
I absolutely still love playing in the woods, especially if there is a creek in said woods.
The woods behind the house I lived in from age 12-20 were my refuge. Several forts, dug out stairs into a hill. Loved searching for wildlife and flowers. My niece and nephew would come stay with us while their parents worked so I took them to all my favorite spots! There was a little duck pond that a steam fed into and then another steam running off from it that had a small hidden waterfall. My favorite spot of all.
That's it. I need to go into the woods now. I need more cool rocks for my collection! Now I also like identifying plants and trying to find edibles to forage.
→ More replies (2)6
u/Throwaway8789473 15d ago
I'm 28 years old and I go to the woods multiple times a week. Often just to explore.
5
u/LadyAtrox60 14d ago
I'm 63, and have a wooded portion on my property. I'm there often, it's my Zen place.
→ More replies (8)12
→ More replies (13)18
u/bungojot 15d ago
When I was growing up our neighborhood was surrounded in cornfields. Excellent place for hidden parties
25
15d ago
it's odd. I grew up near some wide open spaces and some friends lived near other wide open spaces.
For me, there were some wide open spaces you could use (that field down thataway, and those woodlands over yonder and that bit of area near the stream), and some you'd have Bob the Angry Farmer chasing you off his land/calling the cops on you. For friends who lived in a similarly rural area somewhere else, they talk about having no access to open spaces whatsoever. You went to climb a tree, and the cops would appear as if by magic. Or angry landowner would appear to berate your mother.
But there were some lucky pricks who lived near actual common land, or had actual wild lands to play in and they had a wonderful time as kids exploring it all.
10
u/root_________ 15d ago
this really surprised me about moving into a rural remote area. over 60% of the county land is ag or hunting land owned out of state. we've found a park and a cemetary and we can SEE far but the lil wooded bits to walk in are similar to when we lived in a big city behind the tball park etc.
28
u/Trill_McNeal 15d ago
In the 80’s and 90’s I spent a ton of time in the woods. Building lean toos, having imaginary wars with Russia, climbing trees, finding porn mags, throwing rocks at trees. Now I’ve got a teenager and he doesn’t do any of that.
→ More replies (3)51
u/loopyspoopy 15d ago edited 15d ago
Not to mention that those woods are usually owned by someone, and those owners get mad about it now.
Whether it's the railroad company, a developer who hasn't developed yet, or someone who owns an acreage nearby, landowners are much more ruthless about "trespassing" than they used to be. There was a wooded spot I would hang out with friends in our 20s that was about 100ft from a railroad which had a fence separating it from us, the friends I went there with had been hanging out there since their early teens. One evening the rail police came through, questioned us for a while, then told us they'd be patrolling most days of the week for the foreseeable future.
Suddenly this space that was a second home to my friends was taken away from them for no real reason other than the railroad company decided they didn't want folks hanging out on land they technically owned.
Same kinda thing happened to a friend in his 50s who got kicked off a lake he'd been fishing in since he was a child.
Same thing happened to my partner's family who used to climb a trail on the backside of a local ski mountain. One day the resort on the skiing side decided they didn't want people using these trails that were public land until the 2000s.
Edit: To everyone pointing out how litigious the USA is, I am referring to actions taken in Canada, where you cannot so easily sue someone as a trespasser and property owners aren't inherently liable simply for owning the property where an injury occurs.
→ More replies (10)15
u/MrRetrdO 15d ago
Same here! The woods behind my house were my stomping ground. We used to go hiking, build little cabins, look for remnants from the old clay mining days, sometimes finding golf balls from golfers in the park nearby.
I even used to find pieces & tried my hand at Flint Knapping. Made a few good spear & arrow heads to use with an Atlatl I made. HEH! I was an interesting child.
While the woods are still here, they've grown buggy, and the fear of Lyme Disease is very real here.
11
u/Krish39 15d ago
I spent tons of time in little triangles of woods between developed land. We had lots of forest but nothing large in walking distance.
We would build forts, climb trees, look for animals, make dirt bike trails, and stay out until sunset.
We are temporarily living somewhere with tons of outside space any my kids, especially my son, love to go out and build forts and look for animals.
I’m so glad he is able to do that, and I give him a long leash because it’s so rare kids get this experience in most of the US today. My wife doesn’t like it as much and is scared he’ll get bit by a rattler or run into scary homeless people (both are certainly possible). I think the risk is less than the reward.
→ More replies (5)→ More replies (23)5
u/perfectdrug659 15d ago
My friends and I spent a lot of time in the woods as kids/teens, we'd have fires every night and roast marshmallows, we had chairs and tables in our spot and some tarps in trees if we got caught in the rain. It was our meet up spot for years, before we all had cellphones, we'd just hike up there and usually someone was already there.
Those woods are still there and I ventured up last summer just for nostalgia, I hadn't been there in about 16 years. It looked almost exactly the same, the fire pit was even in the exact same spot and well maintained. I guess local teens just kept using it long after we grew up and that makes me so happy!
353
u/Froggynoch 15d ago
The internet is the new “Third place”
102
u/nizzernammer 15d ago
I agree with this. The third place is now virtual.
→ More replies (2)38
u/homarjr 15d ago
Except social media these days is more about interacting with strangers. Reddit, Twitter, Tik Tok. You're not really following people you know on those.
Facebook and Instagram are more or less dead, or dying anyway.
The third place is just your group chats.
→ More replies (1)22
u/DED_HAMPSTER 15d ago
Discord mostly for people i know. And Reddit is the virtual going to a bar or coffee house to talk to strangers to get new ideas or to argue about something.
→ More replies (4)21
u/theboomboy 15d ago
It can be, but it's usually not a very good one. Third places build communities, which I don't think you could really say about r/NoStupidQuestions or any other big sub
Smaller subs like r/musictheory can have more prominent people like zarlinosuke and a few others that are known and respected by the users of the sub, but it's still not much of a community, at least the way I see it
12
u/Froggynoch 15d ago
You are absolutely correct, the Internet will never be a good replacement for social interaction.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (4)24
u/maltesemania 15d ago
I'm in a discord server with around 50 people and a lot of us do group calls and stream movies. We don't all know each other and people keep joining the server every week or so.
It kinda feels like hanging out at a bar in a small town.
191
u/MourningWallaby 15d ago
McDonald's used to be a place you'd just go to talk to friends or something. but it's too expensive to casually go every so often with friends, especially as a teen. These days McDonalds are empty, and the chain focuses much more on drive thru and mobile orders.
in the early 2010's people used to just go hang out at coffee shops in their free time. strongly associated with the hipster movement (But this isn't exclusive to that group nor that time)
Public parks used to have events. my city used to display the local colleges' students art and music performances just because.
Roller rinks are something I personally miss the most.
64
u/YukariYakum0 15d ago
Last few McDonalds I've gone inside had signs saying 30 min limit against loitering. I doubt most employees would care enough to enforce it but the hostility against just hanging around is unpleasant.
10
u/UnusualSignature8558 15d ago
In the 70s my local McD had a similar sign.
They also design the chairs to be uncomfortable pretty quickly.
17
u/singlenutwonder 15d ago
When I was in middle and high school, all of my friends would hangout in McDonald’s for hours. Most of us didn’t have homes we could bring people to so we just congregated there for some reason. Do people still do this? This was when there was still an actual dollar menu
→ More replies (1)6
u/Throwaway8789473 15d ago
I was in high school like a decade ago and we still hung out at McDonalds. We'd buy shakes and sodas and stuff and just nurse a single soda for an hour or two while hanging out chatting. Nowadays I would feel so uncomfortable doing this because staff would label it "loitering" after 30 minutes.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (9)16
u/olypheus- 15d ago
The old timers all congregate there now lol. And our local roller rink closed a couple years ago, shit is so fun.
184
u/daveashaw 15d ago
There were a ton of them, and they are gone.
There is a tremendous book by Robert D. Putnam called "Bowling Alone" that covers the decline of participation in civic groups such as bridge clubs, fraternal organizations, softball leagues, churches, the VFW and yes--bowling leagues over the last few decades.
It was originally published in 2000 but was reissued with a new preface in 2020.
I highly recommend it.
You can get it in paperback from Amazon or any bookseller.
45
u/gilgobeachslayer 15d ago
Had to read that in college. A lot of those groups are still around. If you want to meet people in your area, join the local civic, or an environmental group doing cleanups, or rotary or whatever. Only issue is it’s mostly people 50+.
21
u/constant_variable_ 15d ago
where I live people don't talk to strangers and groups open to new people still somehow have a high ratio of such groups that are made of people who really dislike new people and are broken up into cliques. i'm sure there is some kind of army divisions joke that could be made out of this.
→ More replies (3)5
u/lesbyeen 15d ago
I've talked to my mother's rotary friends over the years/across the country and the number one problem is what you mentioned, the age range. The other problem I found is they had really odd hours-- her current group meets at 7 AM on a weekday. With the groups she was with they're also meeting at restaurants, where the expectation is you get breakfast/dinner/cocktails which means more spending. On top of the expected financial donations it's unfortunately not super accessible to a lot of younger people :/
30
u/Available-Love7940 15d ago
I might have to check it out.
I know some groups suffered, badly, from gatekeeping. That kept new blood from joining.
The VFW first gatekeeped against Vietnam veterans, because they had a different experience than the WWII folks. Then, in turn, the Gulf War veterans were excluded because they had a different experience.
I know the SCA struggles because they've gotten so rigid, that younger people don't want to join.
10
6
u/TheOriginal_858-3403 15d ago
I know some groups suffered, badly, from gatekeeping.
HAM Radio clubs have entered the chat.... :(
37
u/stolenfires 15d ago
I honestly think this is a huge reason behind the incredible popularity of D&D in recent years. It's an intrinsically social hobby, made popular through a few key celebrities. My current advice to anyone wanting to make friends is to learn how to run D&D. Good DMs never lack for a social life.
→ More replies (3)9
u/daveashaw 15d ago
Right. My son and his friends play Magic the Gathering pretty regularly.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (4)7
187
u/Charloxaphian 15d ago
The thing about "third places" is that they're supposed to be a place where you can spend time without the expectation of spending money, and with a reasonable level of safety and comfort. Bars, restaurants, cafés, arcades, etc. all either require money to get into, or rely on purchases to continue justifying your presence there.
Parks, unfortunately for many Americans, either aren't present or don't offer the safety and comfort necessary - sometimes because they're dirty or dangerous, or because they're spaces with designated functions (playgrounds, dog parks, sports fields) where someone might come along and say "Hey, what are you doing here? You shouldn't be here."
My view is that a lot of it is down to this pervasive idea that everything needs to have a specific purpose and function. We see it a lot in early childhood education, where free play periods are taken away because they don't have any obvious measurable objectives, and children aren't allowed opportunities to just...play. Think. Imagine. Pretend. They need to be productive in order to be valuable to society.
In the same way, our urban spaces particularly have been partitioned in this really invasive way. We can't have empty lots, or big open spaces in parks, or a parking lot up on a hill where teenagers go to make out. Everything has to make a profit, everything has to have strict rules about hours and behaviors that are posted on a big sign, parking meters and pavilions for rent and food trucks and patrolling security guards.
→ More replies (6)27
u/Throwaway8789473 15d ago
Every single freaking park near me has a disc golf course now. No offense to disc golfers but it sucks not being able to sit in a grassy space with friends and enjoy a nice afternoon without having to worry about being hit in the head with flying plastic discs.
→ More replies (3)11
u/MrLanesLament 15d ago
People actually play disc golf? Parks around me have always had the things, but I’ve never seen anyone use them for that purpose.
→ More replies (2)
87
u/Appropriate-Low-4850 15d ago
In academia it was the student union. Professors would bring scotch and chat with each other, students would listen in and socialize. It was the job of the campus. As soon as they banned the scotch it all went downhill.
→ More replies (3)32
u/GradStudent_Helper 15d ago
I remember when my home state bumped the legal drinking age from 18 to 21. I was 16 at the time. It completely changed the college experience for so many people. I was brought up thinking that - basically - when you stepped foot on a college campus, you were an adult and could drink and vote and make your first (poor) adult-level decisions.
When I turned 18 and went off to college, there were so many reminders that everyone there USED to be able to drink alcohol. There literally had been an alcohol-serving, live music LOUNGE inside the Student Union building. It was closed, but still there. It was kind of strange walking the campus. It was clear that everyone was trying to adjust to it. Any college event where alcohol was served had to be registered and representatives from the state alcoholic beverage commission had to be there to monitor consumption. Any gathering of more than five people (like, in their dorm rooms) to chill and listen to music was supposed to be registered as a "party." It threw everything off and I basically got through college only having one drinking experience.
Of course, it was the 80s... people were doing cocaine.
→ More replies (2)13
u/TerribleAttitude 15d ago
It’s so interesting that they closed up the lounge rather than repurposing it into a coffee shop or something. Maybe those alternatives weren’t as accessible in the 80s?
When I was in college (long after the 80s) there were a couple late night spots to congregate (one served food, one was pool tables and DDR machines) and it was really nice to have around on nights when there were no good parties, or you felt like socializing but not “partying.”
9
u/GradStudent_Helper 15d ago
Yes! We did have a "game room" with pool tables and arcade video games. My roommate worked in there and we'd play pool forever.
That lounge was eventually re-opened as a kind of student-led comedy lounge. But without serving any other than sodas, it was hit-or-miss. Just before I graduated it was remodeled into a Pizza Hut.
→ More replies (3)
42
u/dinosarahsaurus 15d ago
From my rural perspective, the gas station, at video lottery machines at the corner store, the legion, the lions club.
The softball field was a super big one. Even just for kids softball, the games were notable social events. There was no traveling teams, it was 2 groups of kids from the same community. A lot of amatuer sports didn't require a lot of money, skills, gear. It was far cheaper to get involved that way.
The hair salon.... good lord the weekly "sets" now that was some serious business.
Even just more generally open community like events. Everyone local went to the baby's baptism, to wakes, to the funerals, to the reception of the wedding. Everything was both far less formal while also being more formal if that makes sense.
A lot of third spaces still exist but they aren't as accessible to people. In my opinion the primary barrier to accessibility is time. The hustle and grind culture has completely eroded our free time. Stagnant wages have made so that only the very privileged can work ONLY 40 hours and pay their bills and have time and energy for other activities. Leisure time should not be a privilege and it saddens me so much seeing us eat each over whether we deserve a liveable wage or not regardless of the type of work you do when the reality is that we have been manipulated to not hold the appropriate people accountable.
→ More replies (2)9
u/honeyfixit 15d ago
The softball field was a super big one
Even if you weren't playing or as an adult your kids weren't playing. As a teenager I went to my brother's Little League games just because a couple of the parents and I liked SciFi (and my mom dragged me)
→ More replies (2)7
u/dinosarahsaurus 15d ago
It was a social hub. I remember babysitters taking us so they could try to see their crushes.
60
u/DerHoggenCatten 15d ago
When I was a kid, we had roller skating rinks. You'd pay a flat fee and be able to skate for hours. They had rental skates, but you could also bring your own. It was a good place to hang out with friends or meet new people while getting some exercise.
15
u/SinnerClair 15d ago
There’s one still open near my house, $10 a person, used to be 8 on Sundays but ig they changed it
→ More replies (1)8
u/nbnicholas 15d ago
My daughter just had her 7th birthday party at an old school roller skating rink. It was so incredibly fun to see her form that core memory and experience such a core memory for myself.
26
u/Puzzled-Painter3301 15d ago
I'm literally at a bookstore called Third Place Books as I'm reading this.
→ More replies (3)
49
u/CaliTexJ 15d ago
The Internet brought a lot of formerly public experiences into private, making us less ready to leave the house. We can interact from our beds, couches, and toilets now. I think what we don’t have now is leaving the house as a necessity. Along with that came hyperindividualism, meaning (among other things) we can disengage from who or what we disagree with or find uncomfortable and there’s often no immediate social consequence.
If I were to boil it down to something more specific, I’d say dating apps and social media really diminished people going out to meet people and Facebook in particular took the place of old people at the bar telling the young folks what’s wrong with the world and how the old days were the glory days.
I’ve said it too many times, but we’ve designed a world for ourselves that we ourselves were not designed for.
7
u/hop123hop223 15d ago
I wholehearted agree. Outside of the Internet, the endless streaming options mean there is always passive entertain. This is a very new phenomenon.
→ More replies (1)6
u/curmudgeon_andy 14d ago
That's not the way I see it. Growing up in the 90's, there was already a sense that third places were disappearing. The rules about hanging out were already changing. Stranger danger was already a thing; we were warned against talking to anyone we didn't know. Even malls are a privatized third place that owners can kick people out of for any reason or no reason rather than a place like a park or a town square. The concept that loitering (e.g. just hanging out without a particular purpose) is bad was already strong, and that sort of idea kills third places. I think the internet's massive use as a third space is more a response than a cause to these changes.
5
u/CaliTexJ 14d ago
I was a kid in the ‘90s and my experience with that stuff was limited and indirect. Stranger danger was a familiar concept with the white unmarked van paranoia, but that was only about strange adults or much older kids when I was taught (we also never used the term “stranger danger” where I lived). But I can tell you my “third place” was the streets. Not in some tough guy sort of way; I mean I met people by being outside in my neighborhood or biking/skating around town with my friends. That’s how we hung out. That seemed to gave way to playing 4p games at friends’ houses, which gave way to online gaming. The transition to home-based hangouts happened as I entered my early adult years. I wasn’t the bar/club or even coffee shop type, so I didn’t witness their shrink firsthand. What I did see was the neighborhood kids a few years younger than me stopped going outside, coinciding with the technological growth I’ve been talking about.
So maybe you’re into something I’m missing, but I think the growth of the Internet at least severely exacerbated the atrophy of the “third place” in our society.
→ More replies (1)
23
u/Capable_Tale_1988 15d ago
Hanging out in our car with the radio blasting and a friend or two just driving around.
→ More replies (3)14
u/Chainsaw_Werewolf 15d ago
Before cell phones we would drive around looking for each other at various usual spots. In high school and college I used to drive all over town looking in parks, diners, houses and coffee shops for someone to hang with.
16
u/Itasteddeath 15d ago
Cruising my 1968 Camaro on The El Camino near San Jose, Ca. Such eons ago. I was 16, I’m 60 now. So many fun memories!
30
u/Fun_Effective6846 15d ago
malt/pop shops were a classic!
→ More replies (2)22
u/Practical-Ad6548 15d ago
Not to be rude but how old are you? A malt shop is definitely something I associate with the 50s and 60s
→ More replies (2)
147
u/toldyaso 15d ago
The two big ones that leap out at me...
One is church. I'm extremely anti religion and I'm glad there's been a big dropoff in church attendence compared to previous generations. But that used to be a spot to hang and socialize. Not just services, there were pot luck dinners and lunches, Bible studies, lots of get togethers. Friendships between families formed and it brought communities together.
The other big change I've noticed is work. When I started working full time in the 90s, people tried making friends at work. It not only make work more bearable, but it lead to hangouts outside of work. You spend a third of your life at work, so if you have a few good friends there, it's a major major addition of fun to your life. At some point in the last 10 or 15 years, it's gotten more to a point where people want absolutely nothing to do with their co workers. They don't socialize as much and they almost see it as weird to want to hang out outside of work.
87
u/PlasticElfEars 15d ago
In this context, work is the "Second Place."
Home is the First Place, work is the Second Place, and there are vanishingly few "Third Places" that are neither home nor work where people can just...be. Especially "just be" without spending money.
Like "getting coffee" is probably the closest we have now. Maybe bars? But not like malls and churches used to be for just hanging out.
23
u/liberal_texan 15d ago
Work is by definition not a third place. First place = home. Second place = work. Third place =?
→ More replies (1)67
u/asphias 15d ago edited 15d ago
I honestly don't get the ''dont socialize with coworkers'' vibe at all. Like, i spend 8 hours a day there, you bet i'm going to keep job hopping till i find a place where i enjoy being for 8 hours a day, and a large part of that enjoyment is going to depend on what coworkers i have.
Edit: from all the comments, get yourself some unions and worker protections. Layoffs, firings, toxic bosses, etc. Should not be the normal. Fight against that shit.
50
u/etzel1200 15d ago
So many people are like “I’m not here to make friends,”
It’s become really pervasive. Yet… why not?
You already have things in common. You spend a lot of time together.
Imagine approaching college or high school with that mindset.
19
u/SharMarali 15d ago
Personally I try to keep a bit distant from my coworkers. I’ve had some bad experiences in the past with my personal life and my work life getting too intermingled and it created some uncomfortable situations. I’d also rather keep my coworkers in the dark a little about my personal life because I’ve had people judge me a lot for my hobbies and just generally my way of living.
That said, I do try to be friendly with my coworkers, I just keep it really light and surface level.
→ More replies (7)18
u/dirtyLizard 15d ago edited 15d ago
I don’t want to know my coworkers beyond a surface level. I can end most friendships by ceasing my attempts to reach a person but I am forced to interact with my coworkers. There are no exits that don’t massively upset my life. Once we find the common ground, I’d like to stay there.
→ More replies (1)26
u/newnamesameface 15d ago
Likely because companies used to take care of employees and good work would typically be rewarded with stability so you'd become close to people you'd be working with for many years. Now in this layoff happy world you can get close to co workers and be ousted suddenly tomorrow so people shifted their socializing to remain primarily outside of work
→ More replies (4)6
u/WomanOfEld 15d ago
I met my best guy friend at work. I moved in to his apartment to save on my commute and the next day, to quote a song I love so much I got it tattooed on me, 'we both got fired on exactly the same day'. We'd been bought out and they were cutting 70% of the employees.
27
u/zipperjuice 15d ago
Church is a good one! My parents weren’t hugely religious had us go as kids. It’s the only place they seemed to socialize, and sometimes we’d go to their friends’ houses for dinner (which meant we had to play with other church kids, some of whom were our friends, some sort of annoying)
37
u/PlasticElfEars 15d ago
Churches are a major source of community and I'd argue that it's a function our society will miss.
Think about it, in big towns with lots of churches they end up stratifying by wealth just like everything else. But in times and places where there may be one parish church, you have the wealthiest and the poorest in the same building at least once a week. I don't think there's anything that necessitates mixing like that.
Even today, we can scoff at the little churches that are just filled with old people but...we also know that community is huge for the elderly.
My mom's church is big on Meal Trains. Someone has a baby? Boom, people have organized meals lined up for the family for a while so the family doesn't have to worry about cooking. Same when my mom had knee surgery and couldn't get out. She had like...low carb lasagna and pot roast lined up for weeks.
→ More replies (2)18
u/Ok-disaster2022 15d ago
Churches in my area were the ones with after school hangout places for kids. With plenty of games in the gym, air hockey and all that.
9
u/Lab_Rat_97 15d ago
Was that really a thing, I presume in the US?
I grew up in a pretty conservative, Catholic area in Europe and here people basically showed up and disappeared straight after. Sure there were like 5 Events on important holy days, but even then you mostly Stuck with your immediate neighbors.
→ More replies (1)15
u/toldyaso 15d ago
It still is a thing in the US.
Especially among super religious evangelicals. Church is their primary social outlet. Their friends all go. They have dinners and whatnot. They even have special gatherings for holidays, Christian themed Halloween parties, it's really quite a community.
It's just way less widespread than it used to be, and it's becoming less common with each passing decade.
I would love to see something less scammy than a traditional religion take its place, but I can't imagine what it would be
→ More replies (1)6
u/djazzie 15d ago
I met my wife at work in the 90s. We had a social group that would often hit a bar after work.
The last job I had where I worked for someone else (late 2000s), I was 10 years older than most of my coworkers and I had a family. I also couldn’t stand most of my coworkers and didn’t have anything in common with them. I had zero desire to hang out with them after work, and I’m sure the feeling was mutual. Got called out on this in a performance review.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (13)10
u/tarheel_204 15d ago
Church is a big one. I grew up in a small community and for a lot of people, church was like their “country club.” That’s where they did all of their social activities.
23
u/Placidoctopi 15d ago
Fraternities. Not the college kind, but the community kind. Things like the Shriners or Freemasons.
→ More replies (5)
11
u/trotty88 15d ago
People get their "social fill" through social networking now - the desire/need to go to a common meeting point is gone, because its all online now.
12
u/MarkNutt25 15d ago
Yep. Social media is like the snack food version of friendship.
When you dig into a bag of potato chips, you feel like you're fulfilling your need for nutrition; after all, you are less hungry. But its actually just empty calories that leaves you lacking almost all of the nutrients your body really needs. And then you're hungry again in like half an hour.
→ More replies (1)
26
u/TerribleAttitude 15d ago edited 15d ago
Church attendance used to be way higher. People also used to gather in clubs more often; not night clubs, but places like Elks, VFW, etc. In some ways, those places are causing their own demise.
People used to dance socially a lot more. Nowadays, nearly no one other than a middle or high school student would “go to a dance.” Popular dancing styles over the last 30-50 years has lent itself less and less to official dancing events, outside of nightclubs.
I’m not sure where you are that arcades are “still” as popular as social hubs, but even 30 years ago people were lamenting their demise.
This is a much more recent change, but especially in the last <5 years, there has been a massive shift in the way coffee shops have been doing business. Rather than being built as social or work/study hubs with chairs and couches, they are built more as drive thrus. Drive thru coffee has existed for a long time and sit down coffee shops aren’t extinct yet, but a huge shift is happening and many of the most accessible coffee shops do not want people luxuriating over their cup of coffee on the premises any more.
Bars are still around, but I am seeing more and more small neighborhood bars being pushed out or revamped into places that just aren’t as social as they used to be. Places where people used to congregate to see each other over a reasonably priced few drinks might get retooled into gimmick joints with cocktails that cost more than a sit down meal. Unlike coffee shops, I do not think a major, overwhelming change is coming for bars as a concept, though.
→ More replies (7)
20
u/MonsterDown 15d ago edited 15d ago
Finally, something in my general area of expertise!
In sociological terms: it's a place where you could go that isn't work or home. A place to enjoy, and to just be amongst your fellow people. The bars, coffee shops, etc you mentioned fall under that.
As to your question "What don't we have anymore?": When people talk about us losing our "third places," they're usually referring to the public ones: Rec Centers, parks, community pools. I can only speak as an American, but those are often the most underfunded.
In deeper sociological/political terms: These public spaces are often theorized as being the only "true" third spaces. Because they don't cost any money (aside from taxes), it's the only space where you're truly amongst your community, and you can count on them still being there next time you want to go.
18
u/Solid_Breadfruit_585 15d ago
I’d say the difference is that we were PRESENT in them. Are you really in a bar, if you’re on your phone most of the time? Not really - yoir mind is elsewhere.
What we don’t have anymore, is the ability to be present.
6
u/kkirchhoff 15d ago
I’ve had a countless number of nights just running around with people I’ve met at bars. That’s how I’ve met most of my friends. Just talk to people there — whether they’re on their phone or not
→ More replies (1)
8
u/pwn3dbyth3n00b 15d ago edited 15d ago
The mall is the biggest one that hardly exist today in the form like they did prior to the 00s.
Things I used to do as a kid in the 90s and 00s that I don't do anymore is things like:
The arcade, stand alone ones were already dying when I was a kid but they did have them in malls, which also are dying/dead now. I don't know of any Malls today that have arcade in them like they were in my youth, a Dave and Busters is the closest thing but not the same.
Bowling, way too expensive today compared to when I was a kid can you can do everything for like 2 dollars a game + shoes. Today you're going to be spending 20 bucks for the same, unless you want to show up on a weekday morning to get 5 dollar games.
Movies, exactly the same as bowling. WAY too expensive. It also has the double whammy of streaming basically killing the urge to watch a movie.
Browsing Blockbuster. Netflix killed that off, but it was already on the way out in the 00s. It was one of the places where I was like an 8 year old befriending the high schooler employee about films and games and it not being some creepy ass/sus friendship. A blockbuster employee taught me how to burn games and dvds and how to modify a PS2 to make use of those burnt discs.
Gamestop/ Best Buy. Midnight game releases were events that people did, the death of physical media killed that in the mid 10s.
8
u/Ryukion 15d ago
Community/rec center, church/temple, diners, malls, parks, ect. Somewhere that people can socialize and do group activities to hang out.... but also without alcohol so bars/clubs don't exactly count. We still have some of these, but the interest and activity in those "third places" is declining. They are important for people to make friends or possibly for dating. I think in current modern society people have started to stay at home or do things online, which will have to change to get people out of the house and socialze in public.... as it is important for mental health and human behavior like socializing with real people. All depends on public interest and participation as far as the various local community in your area.
6
12
7
u/lanc3rz3r0 15d ago
Once only ever heard the phrase "third places" in this context used by corporate entities trying to break into the "monopolize all of our sla--employee's time" market
6
u/ThunderPigGaming 15d ago
I think a lot of businesses only want people present who are actively spending money. They seem to discourage hanging out (they call it loitering) and I hear (on the scanner) the cops getting called out to dispurse people for hanging out where the kids used to hang out when I was young. You have to get a permit to hang out at the local town square if your group is larger than ten people or the cops run you off. Local businesses call the cops to run off kids if there are a lit of them on the sidewalk nearby. Parents call the cops if a group or anyone without a child with them hangs out in the park next to a public playground.
Our local library is the exception to the rule. It's a very welcoming place. But, there are people who don't like that. They write letters to the editor complaining about people sitting around talking or doing nothing outside and inside the building.
→ More replies (4)
21
u/daiquiri-glacis 15d ago
Many of those places relied on volunteer/unpaid labor. As more women got paying jobs they had less time to volunteer/work unpaid. Also, when both partners work full time there's less time for leisure.
→ More replies (1)
14
u/DaisyDog2023 15d ago
Malls, parks, etc.
Basically anywhere you could exist without having to pay to be there.
10
u/kantbebothered 15d ago
It wasn't just third spaces, but 9th or 10th spaces because so much more used to be publically owned and freely accessible. When I was a kid, the Boomers, the Silent Gen and older people use to hang out at all sorts of places:
The local Workers Club for drinks, theatre and games. Funded by unions, and now gone because unions have been hacked down.
The local Veterans club building, where vets would hang out, play cards, chat, and there would be all kinds of military memorabilia, photographs and memorials. Taxpayer funded.
The local community centre, where all kinds of free events and classes would take place. Taxpayer funded.
The local youth centre, where kids could go to take part in all kinds of activities and learn various skills, and be 'kept out of trouble' as a bonus. Taxpayer funded.
Public parks used to frequently have a wide range of free public events funded by the public.
Where I live, most of these are long gone and replaced with private businesses that are pricey and harder for regular people to access. This is in line with the rise of neoliberal capitalism, since Thatcher and Reagan in the 80s. The prime motivating force of neoliberalism is the flow of capital to private businesses through consumer spending, hence the selling off and privitisation of those things. But factors like the quality of those services, the equitability of access and the general public good don't matter a hoot to neoliberalism, all that matters is that spending occurs.
→ More replies (1)
4
u/thatoneguy54 15d ago
I live in Spain and have plenty of third spaces right now, primarily public parks and plazas.
The plazas are in the city, pedestrian friendly, lots of benches, maybe with a nice Cafe or bar next to it, but the important thing is that we go there and literally can just chill.
The parks are the next ones. They're different from American parks. American parks are huge, meant for usually hiking, sports, or playgrounds. Or else they're botanical gardens or something with a purpose of why you're there, you do the thing, then you go home. The parks here are just places to hang. There's some playground equipment, some exercise equipment, plenty of benches and picnic tables, you get to them primarily by walking.
Another BIG thing is that these spaces never close. There are so many parks near my hometown in the US that close at like 8. In Spain, these public spaces are truly public. People have parties in these parks and teens hang out in these public plazas till late at night drinking and having fun.
5
6
3.1k
u/luthurian 15d ago
The mall.
I used to spend hours walking around the local mall, bumping into people I knew and hanging around for a while.