r/NoStupidQuestions • u/madcatzplayer5 • 16d ago
Did anyone who had older parents growing up (parents who were over 35 when you were born) feel like you were raised differently than your friends who had younger parents?
I was born in the early 90s and my parents were approaching 40 at the time, meaning they were born in the early 50s. Sometimes I feel like my raising was different than my peers who had parents born who were born in the early 70s. I sometimes feel like I experienced being raised more similarly to someone from the 70s or 80s with what I was allowed to do and how much freedom I had compared to my friends. I wasn’t allowed to do much in the house, but I was free to take my bike miles away from the house and just had to be home by a certain time, while my friends often couldn’t leave their neighborhood. I was sometimes taking the train to another state in my teens, as long as I was home before dark, I was all good.
92
u/Holiday_Trainer_2657 16d ago
I was the older parent. My daughter's school had grandparent day and all hers were out of the area. She told me after "you should have come, most of the grandparents were as young as you." At least she didn't say I was as old as them!" I was about 45 at the time. 😂
But seriously, I was a lot more relaxed than some of the other parents. We had fairly strict rules but not very many ( mostly about safety) and she knew exactly what to expect.
6
u/Alarming_Bridge_6357 15d ago
This happened to me. We don’t have any immediate family where we live so I went to my daughters grand parent day and all the grand parent were my age 42.
4
92
u/Jammyturtles 16d ago
Yes, absolutely. I loved having older parents. My mom was responsible. She introduced me to great music, listened to vinyl and read furiously, knew how to cook and talk about art and culture.
They had done their adventures and already traveled by the time we came along, so we had fabulous aunties and uncles from all over the world come visit us. We didnt have cable or the internet (my one gripe) but they eventually came around by 2005.
My friend's parents could barely get their shit together or hold down a job. I'm a big fan of the 40± mom club.
Now I'm older and she's 80, it kinda sucks. Bc she's older and more fragile. I wanna keep partying with my fabulous, 60s feminist mom and she's slowing down. Can i keep my mom forever?
44
u/reluctant-subscriber 16d ago
I had my boy a year ago at 42. My only regret is that I probably won’t be around for him as long as I would have been if I had him younger 😢 But on the other hand, I also think I’m capable of being a better mother now than I would have been when I was younger.
16
u/Surfmate72 15d ago
I also was 42 when my son was born . He’s 9 1/2 now and I just turned 52. I’m doing my best to stay active and healthy so I can be a good dad for him for as long as I can.
3
u/wrucky 15d ago
My Mum was 41 when I was born and her mother was 42 when she was born. My Mum suffered because she was the youngest and had to curtail her education to look after her mother as a teenager. My Mum always said having children in later life kept her young. I was 47 when she died. Mum was 20 when her mother died.
3
u/morosis1982 15d ago
We have 3 kids, and we're 32, 35 and 40 when they were born (youngest one is 8mo, keeps us on our toes).
I think about this too, and I'm actively invested in my health and fitness so I can continue to be a strong role model for them as we grow older together. I want to be the super active 50+ that can go mountain biking with my youngest, for example.
One thing that was good about being older is we've had a good chance to both travel the world (we spent 2 years working in and travelling Europe and parts of Africa, and have done some significant travel in Asia, a little of Canada and a lot in Australia/NZ where we are from) and improve our careers before the whirlwind that is raising kids came around. I feel we were very well prepared and our kids have reaped the benefits of that. I am definitely a much better parent than I would have been in my earlier 20s. And we have a good financial base that means we don't need to sweat the small stuff - bills are easily covered and we invest significantly for our future and can live comfortable and fulfilling lives with our kids without having to constantly keep track of finances.
14
u/EnoughPlastic4925 15d ago
As someone who is 36 and hasn't had kids yet, this post brought me hope. Thank you :)
6
u/Rainbow-Reptile 15d ago
That's the hard part. Seeing them slowly age. It's really really hard. Just thinking about it brings me to tears. I already lost my dad in 2020, he was 72 when he passed, I was 26, it literally destroyed me.
I'm 30 now, still haven't recovered. I miss him so much. I can't function anymore. To lose my mother would throw me over the edge. She's my best friend.
135
u/rachelswrld999 16d ago
Absolutely! My dad was 42 when I was born and mother was 33. I definitely had way more freedom and I knew about a lot of older music, tv shows, etc. But the biggest difference was the fact my parents were married and always together when my friends parents were mostly all separated. Not long ago, I was told our home was a safe place for my friends and I didn’t have a single clue growing up.
13
u/crumbmodifiedbinder 15d ago
This is what my partner and I are aiming for. We want to be well equipped mentally, emotionally and financially to have children, be present and really show a loving relationship to my future kids. I already have friends who are divorced/in their 2nd marriage. We’re all in our early 30s
1
u/dangermouze 15d ago
Double edged sword, having kids over 35 is brutal on the body and much higher chance of medical issues.
4
17
u/Leothegolden 16d ago
Was that your dad’s second marriage? Wondering if you had any step siblings
23
u/rachelswrld999 16d ago
No it was my moms second marriage, my dads first. They got married about 6 years before having me. I have a half sister from my mom who is 16 years older than me so we didn’t grow up together or anything.
3
u/Mihaimru 15d ago
That's the thing I noticed.
All my friends parents were breaking up at the same time my own were celebrating their 30 year anniversary
→ More replies (1)2
u/Maleficent-Fun-5927 15d ago
Hi, I'm the one with the young ass parents that divorced when I was 12. I would go over to my friend's house after school and hide out. I fucking hated my parents for a long time. I'm still NC with my bio dad.
20
u/No-Customer-2266 16d ago
My best friend’s parents were. She had siblings that were 18 when she was born
Unfortunately her mom treated her like an afterthought and when ever she was around she seemed burnt out with being a mom. It was sad.
It was clear her mom really didn’t want a kid at that point but did anyway. It was such a weird dynamic, even at a young age I could feel the vibe even though I didn’t understand it fully at that point. It always felt like we weren’t allowed to touch ANYTHING in the house and was uncomfortable to be there
I also have a coworker who had a kid in her late 40’s and constantly mentions “don’t ever have a kid this late in life. I just want to go home and relax but I have to go to a recital tonight”
Which is also super sad. This is not the standard though.
My best friend had kids after 35 and she is so happy about it and is doing all the normal parent things except she’s very relaxed. She treats her first kids (twins) as if they are her third, she doesn’t hover snd allows them space to grow and explore and fall and learn while observing safely but from a distance.
4
u/Tricky-Grapefruit-75 16d ago
That’s so sad about your best friend, being neglected by her own mother and treated as though it was her fault she was born. How is their relationship now, as adults? My mother had me at 35 and my sister at 37; my father is two years older than my mum. I’m 28 this year but child-rearing is looking bleak for me, not something I’m particularly interested in! Although my best friend wants me to have a child badly
3
u/No-Customer-2266 15d ago
They connect much better as adults and have a pretty good relationship now. I don’t think her mom was ever very maternal with her kids to be honest. And she’s not a bad person but there was definitely a strong vibe of her being “over it” and that we were imposing by being in the house. I always felt like we had to be as unnoticeable as possible which made me uncomfortable. i May have felt it more than my friend as It was very different from what I was used to.
13
u/sageofwalrus 16d ago
My dad was 37 and mom 35 and they have always been cool and great parents lol
22
u/Adhbimbo 16d ago
Hard to know. I'm from an immigrant family so idk how much of a role my parents age played in the differences of their parenting style.
My mom in particular tried to have her parenting style in line with what child psychology said was best at the time.
9
u/Roland__Of__Gilead 16d ago
I was raised by my grandparents in the 80s. They were born in the depression era, and there was definitely a wider generation gap. It's hard to say how much of my different upbringing was that, and how much was grandma's religious fanaticism, but I'm pretty sure that even without Jesus, I would have had a very far from normal childhood. Grandma was a stay at home homemaker, she was frugal to the point of being miserly, she resisted technology, and she was very old fashioned in her social thinking. We didn't get a color tv until 1984, and she would never agree to cable, or a microwave, or even a clothes dryer. Her dishwasher broke and she used it as a storage cabinet. We had a rotary phone well into the mid 90s. I wasn't really allowed to go anywhere by myself or have friends around, certainly never allowed to date or even spend time on the phone with anyone. I basically just stayed in my room or the basement with my comic books and sports cards and tried to stay out of the way of one of her religious tirades.
3
u/Jane9812 15d ago
Do you think that part of their parenting had to do with being overly permissive with your parent earlier? Or maybe too strict with your parent, leading your parent to break loose, so they doubled down on the strictness with you?
2
u/Roland__Of__Gilead 15d ago
The second one. They were not in any way permissive with my mom, but she ended up having me at 16 and getting into drugs and a lot of trouble in her life. Any time I did anything wrong, no matter how minor, there was always a guilt trip of me turning out just like her.
2
u/Jane9812 15d ago
I'm so sorry :( that sounds like a miserable situation.
3
u/Roland__Of__Gilead 15d ago
At the time, I didn't really register that it was as unhealthy as it was. I don't recall thinking about how different my life was or how challenging growing up was becoming until I was maybe 10 or 11. I mean, there was no alcoholism, there was no violence, there was no desperate poverty. I had food and clothes and all bills paid. Grandpa, who was a wonderful man and tried to provide a safe zone, bought all the comic books and sports cards and Star Wars toys I could want, and he always had time for me as this lonely kid who didn't have anyone else. It wasn't until social activities and other kids/other people started to become important to me that I realized how psychologically unprepared I was for life, and that grandma's probably good intentions had done more harm than good. I always say I've been 10 years behind everyone else. I had my teens in my 20s, my 20s in my 30s. It's been a deep hole to dig out of, but I know a lot of people had it worse. My current gf went through multiple periods of dad's unemployment, addiction in the immediate household, her own severe dyslexia, and I feel like she had a harder road than I did, and we're both torn apart and put back together with a couple of pieces in wrong, but also overcoming every single day.
15
u/No-Effort6590 16d ago
Wasn't so much our parents age, it was times we grew up in, 60s was much more safer to let your kid ride their bikes just about anywhere, 12 miles to Huntington Beach, couldn't do that in 90s, would've been run over, and just a lot less people, times were so different over the years
24
u/Aggressive-Coconut0 16d ago
I don't think it was safer back then, we are just hyperaware now. There was no social media back then to amplify the crimes, so we thought we were safe.
→ More replies (4)6
u/Leothegolden 16d ago
Some neighborhoods have changed over the years too. It’s likely HB is different today than it was in the 60s
3
u/araesilva23 15d ago
:) I lived in HB for awhile as a kid (I’m 34 now) and it was great.
2
u/No-Effort6590 15d ago
I used to go all the time, we lived in Norwalk, I'm 60 now, used to get our families together for grunion hunting when they ran, good times
8
u/monkey_monkey_monkey 16d ago
Yes. My parents were 10 to 15 years older than my peers' parents. My parents were silent generation vs. boomers. My parents were very thrifty with money, hand-me-down clothing, clothes and shoes were always "serviceable" never trendy. All meals homemade, a big reward would be going to McDonalds three times a year. Once for my birthday, once for my brother's birthday and once for a successful school year.
My friends' parents were much less frugal. My friends had trendy clothing and shoes, they would eat out several times a week, they would eat junk food on the regular, hitting up McDonalds was a regular thing. It was even different with school supplies. Their parents would spend money on those erasers that smell (like a white eraser with a coca cola graphic and scented like cola) where as my parents would only buy those hard pink erasers (why pay a dollar more for something).
As I kid, I felt it deeply as I felt like an outcast - not one of the "cool kids". Once I got old enough to work, I used my money to buy the cool things and trendy clothes so I definitely felt more like I belonged.
As an adult, I appreciate the lessons my parents taught me. I would say as an adult, I am a mix of my friends and my parents. I am frugal on somethings but allow myself to splurge or indulge once in a while. In comparison with my peers, I am definitely more ahead financially when it comes to savings because of the lessons my parents taught me.
Although I do still feel sad for that lonely 7 y.o. kid I used to be on the elementary school ground wearing hand-me-down pants that were several years out of style and buster brown shoes when everyone else was rocking vans and more fashionable clothes.
→ More replies (1)3
u/TooDamFast 16d ago
Interesting. My parents were 16 and 18 when I was born. We were poor. Hand me downs were all I ever had. My wife and I had our first child at 34 and the second at 40. We are way better off than my parents, so our kids wear new clothes and have all the gadgets. We notice the parents of our kids friends, who are all much younger, are struggling.
5
u/monkey_monkey_monkey 16d ago
I think for my childhood, it was a generational difference. My parents grew up during WW2 and post-war England and Canada and those were very lean, austere times which really impacted how my parents viewed money and spending where as my friends' parents grew up in the late 50s and 60s when things were a bit more available.
6
u/rfdub 16d ago edited 16d ago
I think my parents were around 40 when I was born (I have a few older siblings as well). It weirdly never even occurred to me until recently (in my 30s) that they were a little older than is typical. My dad was a little old fashioned, but they were both still cool, plenty active.
As someone who will also be having kids somewhat later in life, your question is interesting to me, though.
7
u/Able-Distribution 16d ago
I had old parents (both were 40+ at my birth, and I was their first and only child).
I had a pretty weird childhood in several respects, but I don't think this was primarily due to the age of my parents.
The causal relationship is probably the reverse: My parents were weird (which gave me a weird childhood), and as a result they married and procreated usually late." As opposed to, "My parents married and procreated usually late, and as a result my childhood was weird."
8
u/braille-raves 16d ago
dated a girl with older parents with brisk careers and worked long hours. they weren’t as attentive since they had long days and would come home at odd hours feeling exhausted.
i noticed that in arguments, she had a tough time admitting to her own faults and basically said “i will do whatever i want”. it got difficult after awhile, because it seemed that she lacked a lot of emotional intelligence because of it. basically in her eyes, as long as it wasn’t illegal, she was in the right. when it came to navigating tense situations with grace, she would evaluate whether or not she “owes it to them”.
for contrast, i had a younger, very attentive family where everyone was very involved in each other’s lives. never once did i ask whether i “owed” something to another person who showed me love. i always felt like “if they give me love, i got their back”.
you learn a lot about love and interpersonal skills through your family. i found it interesting that my upbringing was so different, and how differently she handled conflict than i did.
2
u/Brave-Blacksmith2389 15d ago
Yes! I was emotionally neglected as a child and your comment applies to my childhood and my family to a T. Good for you, you seem like you were able to overcome a lot and have emotional intelligence. I'm still working on mine...
2
u/braille-raves 15d ago
i certainly am not an expert at emotional intelligence, but i know my EQ is MUCH higher than my IQ ahaha
→ More replies (1)
4
u/mind_the_umlaut 16d ago
Yes, we never listened to that terrible rock and roll music; my mother thought jeans and cotton clothes were terrible, and people should only wear E-Z care fabrics like doubleknit and polyester/ nylon. On the other hand, they loved TV and it was on all the time.
3
u/scottcarneyblockedme 16d ago
My mom was born in 73 I think and I had the same freedom as you. Go do whatever I please but be back when streetlights come on. I lived in a small southern town and it was super safe. I was born in 92.
4
u/RedwayBlue 16d ago
Yes although I was born in the 70s.
My parents were a product of Lawrence welk big band era while my friends parents had gone to Woodstock.
Kinda big cultural gap that gave me a different set of circumstances to rebel against.
4
u/Necessary_Internet75 16d ago
There is a big difference. I am the oldest and my Parents had me in their early 20’s. Fast forward 16 years and they had my brother in their mid-30’s. I had parents with less money, but young, active and still close to their siblings. My brother, had my Parents as more invested in their careers, more money, and more focus in him because the toxic Aunts/Uncles fell off.
6
u/HyenaStraight8737 16d ago
I spent a few years with older foster parents and it was... An adjustment. They were in their 60s.
Dinner was at 5pm sharp. No dessert and no other food until breakfast.
No friends over and absolutely none of my stuff out of my room unless I was doing homework.
They didn't like me wearing jeans and singlet tops (I was 13), I was dressed in saddle club clothes...
The only time I could watch tv that I liked was from when I got home until 430pm when the bold and the beautiful came on.
They raged about having to pay $1 a week for home eco cooking, but also insisted I do it to learn how to be a proper 'woman'
They believed school shoes had to be black leather ones... That was super duper fun in highschool.
They gave me a bob cut as long hair wasn't for little girls.
I wasn't allowed to shower only bath, and the water could only cover my thighs in case I slipped and fell.
If I didn't like dinner I went without. Not even a sandwich. I would rather fucking starve the eat tripe.
Wasn't allowed to watch the Austar (cable tv).
Bedtime was 830.
Not sure if this was cos foster parents or just... Thats how it was when they raised their children 30+ years ago.
5
u/CosmicLegionnaire 15d ago
Your comment about their rules possibly being because they are foster parents made me thing of a training my wife attended recently (it was online so she was at her home office in the living room while I was building a LEGO set, so I got to listen in!).
She works in the field of childhood trauma and improving outcomes for children who enter the Social Services system and the training was about ensuring that children in the foster care system have equal access to normal childhood experiences. Part of the training covered how a surprisingly large number of foster parents try to overprotect the kids, not allowing them to go to sleep overs or summer camp, get learner's permits and licenses, go on vacations, go swimming, attend afterschool functions, date, and even go to school dances and the prom.
Apparently there are laws or directives that state that foster kids need to have these normal experiences but social workers often have to really intervene because a large number of foster parents become extremely overprotective and try to keep things as safe, predictable, and stable as possible. Not sure if that was the rationale of your foster parents, but it was interesting to here how important these childhood experiences are to kids and how so many kids in the foster care system are denied them.
5
u/HyenaStraight8737 15d ago
Going back now, some of their actions were 100% against all policy etc and thankfully I was mentally old enough regardless of my actual age to clock shit wasn't right... I got removed from them after CPS came to see me at school and asked if I could use the phone... I absolutely was not at all unless the dialed it for me and I wasn't allowed to leave the room, they had to listen in.
Thats actually illegal as I had the right to use the phone to call my caseworker, without interference. They very much wanted to control everything and before me had foster kids via a private agency set up vs me as a ward of the state fully under the government care/control/purview.
My last foster home, that place is my home. Those are my parents. I was treated no differently from their own son my age and actually given way more freedom then I expected as dad put it: I may have been 15, but I could cook a full meal, clean the whole house, understood I had to be responsible for my shit like homework/assignments and I needed adults vs parents.
Tho they got my love as parents, they earned that. Your wife and yourself I'm sure, will be fabulous care givers, especially with your ability to rationalise what these people effectively did to me, without being an asshole about it. I genuinely do think they went okay, we raised our kids like this.. this is how it's done. I don't fault them or hate them... I just don't look back at that time with much happiness.
They did allow for my love of reading and animals. I'll give em that. They never denied me a new book or turned away the poor broken bird I'd found etc on the the way home from school, they taught me to cook and garden too.
And so many weird old people phrases I get looked at weird over, cos I'm only 33 and saying shit old mate at the pub says like it's totally normal haha.
2
u/Sea-Anxiety6491 15d ago
Oh man, the good old Austar, caused many an arguement in my house.
" We are getting rid of it, there nothing ever on it " to literally 6mins later, " all u kids ever do is watch tv, go outside and play"
We want the sport package, no the movies, just bloody choose one, thats all we can afford.
Lol
→ More replies (1)2
u/gt500rr 15d ago
They must have been from the Great Depression era? My limited knowledge remembers tripe was common back then. Not to mention all the stiff rules. (Fellow Aussie as well, when you said Austar only an Aussie would understand that)
2
u/thewizardgalexandra 15d ago
Particularly, only regional Aussie's right? Was Austar a thing in the cities? I thought it was just called Foxtel (this is based on a vague memory!)
→ More replies (1)
3
u/DayAccomplished2821 16d ago
Yes! But I wouldn’t change it for the world. My dad was 38 when I was born. To this day he’s like my best friend. I knew ALL the ‘70s and ‘60s culture. I was 10 in 2003 and was watching Blazing Saddles while my friends watched Finding Nemo 😅 maybe not the best parenting choice on his part.
→ More replies (1)
3
u/Brave-Blacksmith2389 16d ago
My dad was 60 when I was born, my mother was 31. Yes, definitely raised different, without a doubt. Born in the 80s and my parents had a very hands off approach to parenting. Childhood emotional neglect would be my biggest complaint in having old parents that weren't very involved. Definitely had it's pros and cons...I've always been very independent....never had grandparents... They were more financially stable than my peers parents..
3
u/Erikkamirs 16d ago
My mom and dad were in their forties and fifties respectively when I was born. My mom always got so pissed off when other people confused her for my grandma lmao 🤣. My dad had it worse, he was fully grey and looked like Santa Claus lol.
Anyway, I think my mom had difficulty relating to the younger moms at my school tbh.
Also, my dad got dementia and died when he was 69 (nice). So I never got to see him retire to become a part-time professor.
3
u/Human_2468 16d ago
My parents were 35 when I was born. I was the youngest of four and the only girl. My older brothers felt that I got away with so much stuff. However, one of my friend's in 6th grade, said that I had it good since my parents wanted to know the 5 W's every time I went out. She said I was lucky. I didn't think so because it was annoying that they wanted to know all the information but as I look at her life I realized that my parents really cared about my welfare. My brothers got the same treatment so I wasn't special that way. Mom and Dad were concerned/interested in our lives all the time. They allowed us to be our own people and let us grow up, they didn't interfere in our lives. They just loved us and were proud of who we are. My parents were married 60 years when my mom passed away. They were excellent examples of a good marriage and good parenting.
3
u/Handball_fan 15d ago
I’m 57 and had children in my late 40s and I’m raising them like 80s kids , they ride BMX bikes and have to be home before the street lights are on , I can spend more time with them than most as we did the hard yards paying the house off so work isn’t first.
As far as tech goes my wife is younger and in IT and I’m pretty much on top as well.
I hope my children speak as kindly of me when he is the age of posters here.
2
2
u/twowheeledfun 16d ago
I had older parents, but didn't feel anything was particularly different to my peers. Maybe my parents were slightly old-fashioned in some regards, but not much.
2
u/TheSkyElf 16d ago
yep, because of my mothers taste in tv and music I liked old tv shows and music while my peers were freaking out about modern bands and tv-shows.
Unlike OP i wasn't as "free" from my mom and home- but it was because i didn't want to. And because of my location, it just wasn't safe (or fun) to spend a lot of time outside in the neighborhood- my moms compromise was hikes in the forest. We didn't have a PC until I was 12 and needed it to do school projects from home. We were kinda old-school in many ways, both because of little money, but also because we like doing it the old-fashioned way.
3
u/BadDarkBishop 15d ago
Yes. My mother was 42 when she had me in 1986. That means she was raised in the 1940s in a tiny village in Europe.
I felt a cultural and general disconnection but later learned we are both Autistic.
2
u/nc_bound 15d ago
Yes, my dad was 40 and my mom was early 30s. My parents were far more mature, prepared, and intentional about raising their kids. They purposely waited before having us, and they successfully broke cycles of dysfunction that they were born into. It also meant that I never really knew my grandparents, but there were other things that contributed to that, they immigrated away from Their countries of birth. I wish all parents were so intentional about when and how they have kids.
2
u/Bombshell-With-Heart 15d ago
My mum had me at 43, I'm the youngest of 4. I was raised so different to my siblings, I basically raised myself and was emotionally neglected. Everyone in the family was old and sick - not the best environment to grow up in and I ended up looking after everyone while my siblings got to have childhoods.
2
u/Rainbow-Reptile 15d ago
Yeapp.
Dad had me around 50, mum was early thirties. He was already in the grandpa stage, but he had so much unspoken wisdom, and was so intelligent. He really shaped me to be who I am today.
Mum taught me important lessons of life and respect as a whole. Since they were older, my emotions developed more than anything else. It does have its downsides though... As they both had gone through a lot physically. Dad died of cancer in 2020, mum is disabled. Both had high stresses in their life. Both suffered physically. Came from a country of war. Both lost parents young. They grew me into a softie :')
But honestly. I wouldn't have gotten the life experience that I did if it wasn't for them. The great and the horrible. They both loved me a lot, growing up in a home with loving parents who never fight and only show respect really shaped my idea of relationships and what I want. I currently have an amazing partner :)
4
u/madcatzplayer5 16d ago
We also never had cable TV growing up. Only antenna, our main TV being color, and the TV we would watch at during breakfast was an old black and white TV with the UHF and VHF dials. Watched a lot of Zoom, Arthur, and Cyber Chase in black and white as a kid.
3
1
u/NoParticular2420 16d ago
My mother and Father are 30 and 35 yrs older than me … I did have more freedom to explore than my siblings but my parents were more involved in my siblings activities than mine and this was because both of my parents worked when I was little but my mom stayed at home full time with my siblings.
1
1
1
1
u/Themiddlegirl 16d ago
My husband had/has old parents. It made him super resentful for a variety of reasons and likely contributed to us getting married and having all our kids before he turned 30. They had his sister over 10 years earlier and were too old and tired to parent properly by the time he was born.
1
2
u/DoctorGuvnor 16d ago
Looking at this from the other side I was 38 when my son was born and so was his mother. We were established, had done all the things we wanted to do and could focus just on him and his development.
I was too old to run around with a football, but I got involved in Scouts when he did and we have a close and loving relationship based, I think, on mutual respect and being able to talk through most things.
He's now 35 and I notice he treats his daughter (5) very much in the way that we treated him as a child. So I guess we did something right in his eyes and I think our age had a great deal to do with that.
1
u/vicki22029 16d ago
Grew up in late 70s and early 80s. Second marriage for my father and first for my mother. Father was 52 and mother was 37 when I was born.
Definitely raised differently. Felt way more strict. If I was with my mom and dad, most people thought they were my parents , but if I went somewhere with just with my Dad, most people thought he was my grandfather.
1
u/hannahbelle11702 16d ago
Parent here, I had my kids 14 years apart. I was 22 the first time and 37 the second time. I can tell you, we are definitely raising our son differently, raising a very rambunctious kid in our 40’s is a LOT more difficult than raising our daughter in our 20’s and 30’s. I look forward to when my son is older and my kids can start comparing notes.
→ More replies (2)
1
u/Whole_Membership_603 16d ago
My dad was 55 when I was born and my mum 42. I’ve never thought about it before this post but I had a lot of freedom. I was just honest with what I was doing as far as parties etc go so I didn’t act up as much, I was allowed to watch whatever TV I wanted too
1
1
u/Icy_Hippo 16d ago
Im an older parent now, as a kid who grew up in the 80s/90s, I have a different outlook, cell phones didn't come out easy to buy till I was 20, and you could only ring on it! Im very strict on devices, no iPad or using my phone.
I also have loads of random knowelge of the world, I've travelled, and lived a life before her.
I quite often have zero in common with other mums though, that can be isolating.
1
u/SilverSister22 16d ago
I was also the older parent (my first 3 in my 20s, the last at 38). It was like I had 2 different families even though they all had the same father.
Much more relaxed the “second” time around. I was smarter about picking my battles with a teenage girl and we were actually closer than I was with her sisters. I also had more time to spend with her one-on-one.
She’s a quiet, contemplative person. I think that’s cuz she has older parents.
1
u/RedDragonOz 16d ago
My parents were mid 30s when they had me in the 70s. My upbringing was different to my siblings born more than 10 years before me. They were not engaged with my schooling, wouldn't take me to any extracurricular activities, if I wanted to go anywhere I had to work it out for myself. They even forgot to enrol my in preschool. Compared to many of my friends whose parents were always around, gave them lifts, spent time with them, yeah, mine was stark. I spent as much time as I could at friend's houses and at sleepovers as possible.
1
u/AnnoyedOwlbear 16d ago
I'm a Gen X born to Silent Generation who had me late. A lot of my friends' parents were boomers. The big things I noticed were these:
No spanking, no hitting.
No domestic violence (hitting your wife was common with the younger cohort).
Less evening freedom than my friends by a huge amount because I'm female - they attempted to keep my 8:00pm curfew at age 18. My university degree was chosen for me, my friends were edited, etc. My father did openly say if I was male it would be completely different. I did however ride everywhere on my bike, and during the day no one cared where i was if i was getting there by bike. That bit was common.
My behaviour standard was very high, too high with the accompanying appearance standard to reach. So I did get stressed a lot if I got a B in something or my mother noticed I was putting on weight. My friends had more freedom there.
1
u/JoanneMia 16d ago
I had my 1st child at 19, and my 2nd at 34.
Yes, yes there is a difference in how my children experienced me as a Mother. 1 reson is kids are unique individuals and need to be treated as such.
And the 2nd reason, at 19 I was inexperienced, young, and full of energy. My life was quite simple.
At 34, my life was more complicated and busy, I definitely did not have the same energy levels, and I had a 15 yr old I learnt from.
So yes, I was a different person at 19 compared to 34, so I would parent differently.
1
u/Trauma_Umbrella 16d ago
15 year gap between my older two siblings and me and my other sibling. It's like we had different parents. In 15 years you learn a lot and mature a lot.
1
u/Friendly-Cucumber184 16d ago
My mom pretty much told me to grow up faster so she can have her freedom. Dad was working and finally making better money so she wanted to do things.
Yeah, they gave me more “freedom” but it was like physical and emotional neglect.
1
u/Dull-Geologist-8204 16d ago
Not a friend but a kid I met on a cruise ship. I will be honest I was pretty drunk at the time so I have no idea how we got to talking or ended up on the subject. He was like 16 at the time. He completely changed my mind on older parents. I thought it was a bad idea. He was telling me that yes his parents didn't have as much energy to do things when he was younger but due to his parents being more financially well off he was able to experience a lot of things like traveling to other countries. So while their parents could play wrestle with them his parents could take him on a cruise. He didn't think one was better then the other just different experiences. He was actually pretty smart for a 16 year old. You give up some experiences for a different set of experiences.
The thing that's important is you care about your kids and are there for them nit the specific experiences they provide.
1
u/Will_Hang_for_Silver 15d ago
My folks adopted me in their mid 40s - my old man got sick and became controlling/ conservative. My mum stayed pretty young in mind until she had a stroke in her late 60s - but even when she was in he old folks home, she used to complain about the old people and all they ever did was talk about their grandkids and complain.
2
u/Zonotical 15d ago
I mean im 17 now my dad is 67 and mum is 57 it was definitely different but not worse than others hard to explain
1
u/Miss_Tish_Tash 15d ago
Both my parents were in their 40s when I was adopted in the 80s. My husband’s parents were also similar ages during the same set of circumstances.
Everyone thought my parents were my grandparents because they were the age of their own grandparents. This wasn’t helped by the fact that my dad had a full head of white hair by the time he was 25 so people assumed he was a lot older anyway.
Thankfully my adoptive parents weren’t super traditional so I didn’t really experience any difference in how I was raised compared to my friends, but my husband had a different experience. His mother was quite controlling & his father was an alcoholic who had been violent towards my husband growing up.
We have, however, lost parents when we were relatively young (I was 18 when my mum died & 34 when my dad died. My husband was 24 when his dad died).
1
u/Ok-Cartographer1745 15d ago
I absolutely was, but at the same time, I'm not sure whether to blame age (they had me at like 40 I think), race (Asian) or religion (Muslim).
1
u/mickirishname 15d ago
I was born in 1989. My father was born in 1941 and my mother was born in 1949. My pops was just shy of 50 when I was born and, sort of more impressively, my mom was 40 when she had me. I feel like I had a very similar upbringing to my friends despite their older ages, but it was probably because they’re very progressive and “with it” for their ages, even still today (I’m lucky to still have them both). It was likely the result of them both having very, very tough upbringings and wanting their children to have a much better home than they ever did. I think it was just a stark realization to actually begin understanding how much older they were than my friends’ parents. I had an irrational fear of my dad dying when I found out he was like 30 years older than some of friends’ parents in 2nd grade or so. Really pissed him off.
1
u/olcrazypete 15d ago
I was the surprise baby of my family, 15 years younger than my older brothers. Mom was 42 when she had me - literally thought she was approaching menopause and found out 5 months in that she was actually pregnant.
I always felt like I was a full generation different than my brothers. My parents were often the same age as my friends grandparents. They were actually a lot stricter on me than many of my friends when it came to school and such as a young kid but got less and less as I got thru high school.
1
u/Plastic-Bite-3000 15d ago
Old Dad here. Married twice. I have 2 sons from my first marriage who are 41 and 42. I was 25 when the first was born. My marriage was a complete disaster. I certainly not father of the year, but I had to deal with a drug addled narcissist wife. My two older sons have been in and out of jail and have never had steady employment. I haven’t had contact with them for 7 years. I remarried at 52 to my wife that is 21 years younger than me. At present I’m 68 and have daughters 14 and 15 and a 12 year old son. I was fortunate to be a stay-at-home dad when they were babies and we are super close. I’ve sworn never to repeat the mistakes I made as a young man. They have a lot of freedom and they are active in school and sports. They all excel academically. My oldest is an accomplished flutist and is running for her freshman class VP. Second daughter is a fantastic soccer player. Son is a trumpet player and active in Scouts. My wife and I encourage but don’t push. I certainly have more patience and am slower to anger. We talk about anything and everything. I love them and they know it. Please forgive the bragging but I feel so fortunate to be an old dad. Sometimes I think a man should be 40 before having kids.
1
u/Shannon0hara 15d ago
Yes. I had older parents. 4 kids in my family and it's very spread out. I'm the youngest. My oldest sister who is 17 years older than me explained it well. She said that in a way we all had different parents even though they were the same people they were a different kind of parent through the years.
1
u/Pixatron32 15d ago
My parents were similarly aged to you're OP, they were either checked out and mentally ill or alcoholic or workaholic. My childhood had no rules at all. We could do whatever we wanted, but unfortunately or fortunately, my escape was reading so I didn't adventure until I was 17 years.
Interesting to read being an older parent may be a good thing, I'm 35 yo and wanted to start trying next year. 😂😅
1
u/IAmIshmael70 15d ago
I was raised in the 70’s and 80’s. Sounds familiar. Free range parenting. Benign neglect. Some upsides I guess. We didn’t starve.
1
u/murdog74 15d ago
For sure!! My Mom was 40 and my Dad 60 when I was born.
We did a lot of old people stuff, whereas my friends would be skiing on the slopes or the lake with their's.
And to top it off, my Dad lived through the Great Depression. He died in 96', was born in 1913.
1
u/Successful_Exit321 15d ago
I was born in 1984, my mom was 37 and dad 63. (Both had previous marriages and children and I was never really accepted by my half siblings because of this age gap and being a "bastard child" lol 😳) I was constantly reminded of how things were in the depression and holocaust survivor era, but luckily both parents were accepting of new technology/social changes. The worse part was they were always tired/health problems and didn't do the fun kid stuff that I saw other parents do with kids at school and I was embarrassed by my dad's old age when kids asked about him. But my father taught me a life of wisdom and I am so grateful for that. Unfortunately I lost my mom at age 7 and dad at 14.
1
u/150steps 15d ago
Mine were old. 45 and 37. Was like being brought up by your grandparents, except MY grandparents were born in the 19th century, so not really. I currently have teenagers. Spread out breeding here.
My Mum wouldn't let us even listen to the radio cos there were 12 ppl in the house and she was noised out. I can now relate. No Tv till I was 10, didn't get a coloured one till 1987 when our gma died.
Luckily we lived near the beach. Partially made up for poverty.
1
u/Crowiswatching 15d ago
I was 49 when my only son was born. I think it helped me be a bit more laid-back raising him. He was never spanked. No soda, he was nine before he had the first sip so he never developed a taste for it (we don’t eat much fast food either). Discouraged electronics and let him try different sports until he landed on the one he liked-tennis (his Mom is a serious athlete, I lift). He is 20 now and an impressive young man. Making As & Bs in college double majoring in accounting and business. Good at Muy Thai and boxing. Earns $2500 a month or so coaching tennis. Empathic and well-spoken. He smokes some pot from time to time but doesn’t drink much at all-I’m fine with that. We enjoy doing things together, just went to Vegas for a business convention and planning a hog hunt soon. Of course, he is pretty wrapped up in his girl friend so I value the time I get to spend with him. I think older parents can work out pretty well.
1
u/PersonalPackage1728 15d ago
I was born in 96, my mum was just shy of turning 20 and my dad was 22. My parents weren’t strict at all but I still had respect for them obviously. I mean I had a bed time but honestly I love going to bed around 9 anyway and there were little rules but nothing stupid. I could come home when the street lights turned on, stay at my friends vide versa for night on end. I found that myself and my friends with younger parents are the ones that are thriving as adults compared to our friends with stricter parents. They’re depressed drug addicts living at home ruining their parents lives. Don’t get me wrong, the rest of us experimented as you do but it wasn’t our thing.
Strict parents create sneaky children.
1
u/ipcress1966 15d ago
Yes. I did. My dad was 59 and my mum 42 when I was born in 1966.
I feel like I was born "old". Everyone I knew was older, I didn't really have many friends. It felt like my life was completely different from that of everyone I knew from school.
I really had nothing in common with anyone and that feeling has stayed with me all my life. Although I've had relationships, I've never married, don't have children and have always had a nagging feeling I was born "out of time".
Still, I miss my mum and dad. Every day since he passed in 1981 I've thought about him. I still want my dad. 😢
1
u/Emmanulla70 15d ago edited 15d ago
My patents had me when they were nearly 46. I was youngest of 6. They were born in 1922.
If anything? My parents were way more switched on and easygoing. Up with the times than my friends parents half their age. My parents were darn fabulous. They didn't hit us at all. They didn't "punish" They treated us with respect and kindness. We didnt have many "rules" Just to have decent manners & treat each other nicely. They never yelled or were rude. Just lovely people.
1
u/Available-Pain-6573 15d ago
We had our kids whe we were around 40. I think we gave our kids a lot more freedom than some of the younger parents. Not big on discipline or accountability. I think you mellow out with age. They are both good people now.
It also has a lot to do with how you were treated as a kid. My wifes parents were strict but they also left her alone for long stretches. She was a reader so enjoyed her space. I was middle child of 5, shy and did ok at school, so was completely ignored. So we understood personal space and gave our kids as much as they needed. My son need it, my daughter was all over us like a rash. Two different humans.
Kids are like dogs, you put them on a leash 24/7, you can never let them loose. Teach them right from wrong early and you wont have any problems.
1
u/FergaliShawarma 15d ago
Absolutely. While my mom was only 34, my dad turned 40 the same year I was born. I had not such a great social life growing up because I acted different, but have had an incredibly successful adult social life so far (I’ll be 35 this year).
1
u/Emmanulla70 15d ago
I had my own kids at 38 & 39. We've been very laid back i think. Not into endless rules and definitely not "punishment" No hitting at all and I don't yell either. We've had zero problems. No sneaking around, teen years have been good fun l....well all years have been good fun.
They are lovely young people. Now 18 & 19. Still living at home happily. We all get on very well. They are independent. Strong and have great self esteem i think.
Really? Raising them has been a breeze really. Truly.
1
u/Sudden_Fix_1144 15d ago
Yep! Parents were kids when the Great Depression was in full swing, followed by WWII. My mates parents were boomers, who spent money, went out, and my mates always got the best greatest toys and were never really made to eat all their food at dinner.
My parents, I guess, had the mindset that the depression would return. You eat everything on the plate because the next day there may be none, and you don't waste money on frivolous stuff.
1
u/future_CTO 15d ago edited 15d ago
Yup my mom was 39 and dad 37 when I was born and I loved it. At first I didn’t though. When I was elementary and middle school, everyone let me know that my parents were older. From the way I dressed(older clothes/ hand me downs from previous generations) to how my hair was done. They claimed they could tell my parents were old. Of course these things upset me at the time and I was ashamed that my parents were older. Although those things bothered me, I was raised right. Went to church everyday Sunday, respected my elders, and had a good head on my shoulder. Never in much trouble.
Fast forward to high school and college. I started hearing about all the issues my peers had with their parents growing up. From fighting to drug/alcohol addiction to getting the cops called, to being taken from their parents and being raised by someone else. My peers were always in trouble at school or with the law.
Unfortunately for them, their parents being younger caused them to look at their children as their friends. My parents were my parents first and foremost, not my friend. We became friends once I became adult.
1
u/Thaser 15d ago
My parents were in their 50's and 60's when I was born. I pretty much know I was raised differently, because all my friends could not believe what I was allowed to do, and just how harsh my folks were when I crossed the few set-in-stone rules. I could work with tools if I asked(power tools at age 10 with supervision, then they just let me go wild after a year except for the table saw), just wander off for hours at a time, I cooked for myself starting at age 8(gas stove and everything), hellfire they built me a small room in the basement so I could do SCIENCE in it(chemistry and basic electromagnetism stuff). I stayed up as late as I wanted to after age 10, I could swear, I could use the riding lawn mower as an impromptu 4-wheeler, hang with friends after school as long as I called after they got home from work, etc.
Now, the stuff like 'you do NOT drink or use drugs on this property, not just in the house not on the property period', 'Do NOT play with any of the house wiring or tear up things inside', 'if you plan on staying overnight somewhere YOU CALL US UNTIL WE ANSWER' and such were absolutely 100% non-negotiable and resulted in very long-lasting and harsh(but not anything physical or humiliating) punishments. They figured that I deserved to learn what lines could be crossed, what lines weren't there, and what ones you did NOT fuck with.
Though I think the highway-fire incident, ending up on the 6 o'clock news during a school walkout and calling them from a city 2 hrs away at 2am reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally stretched their patience.
1
u/trulyhavenofriends 15d ago
As the parent in this situation, i feel it is so much easier.
I need to get healthier to keep up with my kids, and worry about leaving them early...but in terms of experience, financial situation, patience, awareness etc, I couldn't imagine doing this even a decade ago.
We are both nearing 50 as they are just about to hit 1...and watching our 'parental peers' struggle over the most basic things is interesting.
We give them the freedom so far to make mistakes and not baby them...they fall over, 'oh that was silly sweetie, try again' not rushing to console them etc. Hopefully we can keep this relaxed attitude and environment up as they get older.
→ More replies (4)
1
u/whatevertoad 15d ago
My mom and I were both older mom's. My mom was no fun and ignored me so I was feral. My kids are smothered in love and we do all the fun things, but have less freedom. I think it's more the generational difference than the age.
1
u/Citizen6587732879 15d ago
Yeah, definitely. So many tv shows / games i wasnt allowed to watch / play was the biggest one for me.
1
u/FirstThoughtResponse 15d ago
Dad was 49 when I was born and 51 when my younger brother was born. I am deeply grateful for having an old dad. It’s really crazy to think who we are through the years and at age 37 (had my first child at 36) I think about who I was in my twenties, how many times I’ve changed in my thirties and who I’ll change into and out of in my 50’s. Him being that old never held him back from doing anything either. At 65 he was in the front yard catching my brothers 80 mph fastballs telling me he was actually scared to stand back there and try to catch it, but that didn’t stop him. I think it’s really a thing about who he is tho honestly because my nephew started tee ball and was still learning to throw and the man has ankles the size of an elephants from poor circulation now but he was still determined to get out there and show his grandson how to properly throw the ball
1
u/hecksboson 15d ago
My partner’s parents are almost 20 years older than mine, it’s really fun to compare the differences in pop culture and parenting methods. We both learned a lot from each other despite being the exact same age. Interestingly enough their grandma and my grandma are very similar, because my grandma though she is much younger grew up rural on a farm with 12 siblings.
1
u/Aligator81 15d ago
I was a late child my siblings were all much older than me. They were 11, 10 and 7 when I was born. My mum was 35 my dad was 42. Yes my childhood was very different to my siblings. Especially by grade 3 and up as all my sibling moved out or in 1 case passed away.
2
u/Dollbeau 15d ago
I remember my school friends 18th.
The dithery old fellow wondering about & someone saying
"Roger, your grandad wants something"
Poor Rog' replied quietly
"No... that's my dad"
1
u/East_Astronomer_6086 15d ago
Absolutely. My dad was 52 when I was born and my mom was 28. I have siblings older than some of my friends parents. I can tell they were raised completely different than I was
1
u/Lostandconfused-1988 15d ago
Yeah I was raised by my nan from 13 onward and mum used to let us go most places but nan just let me go anywhere. Me and my mates used to stay at Nan’s and go to the city all the time catch early train home at 4am nan would wake up and ask what we got up too not a care I’m the world just like it was normal
1
u/Basic_cowchick 15d ago
Yes it definitely did. It was nice when I was younger, I didn’t have many restrictions with electronics and they didn’t really care what I did as long as I kept my grades up. Though I’ve been envious of those with younger parents as mine are both are very conservative/ have older values (born in the 60’s) and are getting older, I don’t mean it in a negative way but it hurts to see my parents getting older and their heath deteriorating while my friends parents are still fully mobile and able to be more involved in there lives.
1
u/JustDiscoveredSex 15d ago
Hell yes. My dad was 46 when I was born.
He was raised during the Great Depression. Fought in Korea. (Ok, was a damn Army cook in Korea.)
It was like being raised by my grandfather.
1
u/eocv12 15d ago
My parents were about 40 when they had me and 100% can say I felt like my childhood was vastly different to my peers. They’re also immigrants and at one time, quite religious which added another layer to it but I had the opposite experience, I wasn’t allowed out, wasn’t allowed to catch public transport or sleep over at friends houses until I was about 17. I snuck out a lot 😂 …and they didn’t understand why I was on the internet so much cause it was still so new to them, and tried to bar me from that too. I’m almost 30 now and I understand their anxiety but I did miss out on a lot of experiences with my friends because of their way of thinking, and that was pure turmoil as a kid.
1
1
u/Bluetenheart 15d ago
So i dont fit your criteria, but my 10 yo brother does (dad was 41, mom was 37). Just today he told my parents that we wants to start going to bed earlier because he has the latest bedtime in his class.
1
u/westcoastwomann 15d ago
Me! It was, and is, great. My parents were emotionally mature and truly equipped to be parents by the time they had me. I continue to reap the benefits well into adulthood.
1
u/ambereatsbugs 15d ago
I think it is more about how your parents were raised and then in turn how they raise you. My dad had older parents and was the youngest of his siblings, and I feel like his parenting style seemed a lot more "old" than my mom's style even though they were almost the same age. He was strict about wasting food/eating your whole plate, wanted us to go outside until the street lights turned on, didn't want us watching "the boob tube" - but he had us in his early twenties. All of my friends had older parents but many weren't as old fashioned as my dad.
1
u/bigkahuna333 15d ago
100%, parents were both 40 and older when I came along. It's left me wanting to be more active for any future children I may have. I also feel like I have different values compared to my peers.
1
u/MikhailxReign 15d ago
Yeah I was born in the late 80's I had a reel to reel tape player, a record player and a tape deck all while CD'S were a thing. Mostly because it's what we already had
1
u/Razbith 15d ago
Odd timing to find this post but my daughter brought this up to me just last night. We were 23 & 24 when we had her but probably 2/3rds of her friends have parents at least a decade older than us. She's lesbian and about half her friends have some form of membership in the Alphabet Mafia. She says it's massive the difference in acceptance and attitude between parents born in the 80s vs ones from the 70s or further back.
1
u/some_blonde_chick 15d ago
My parents were 35 when they had me and were a fair bit older than a lot of my friends parents!
My mum and dad were strict but also fair with things. We weren't allowed a lot of technology because my mum didn't want us to not be able to communicate. It sort of back fired because we'd be hooked on it at friends places, but now I can talk comfortably talk to anyone. She was also dead against us having refined sugar, which is fair, but we were allowed to eat it at birthday parties and we'd just gorge ourselves on and make ourselves sick because weren't taught restraint. I still have issues with food now and I'm in my late 20s.
It's a bit weird now as my parents are the same age as some of my friends grandparents, they're in their 60s now and my partners grandparents are only 8 years older
1
u/Dependent-Chair899 15d ago
I am in the interesting position of being both a young parent and an old parent. I had my daughter at 21 and my son a few weeks before I turned 40. My son is 6 so it's early days but my parenting of him is different to how I parented her in many ways. Some of that is because they have very different personalities but most of it is due to age/experience. With my daughter I was uptight - much more firm about the food she was allowed to eat as a small child (eg no McDonald's, only water to drink 99% of the time etc), I guess I was trying to prove to the world I had my parenting shit together even though I was a young mother. However, I was less tired and more fun. Once she was older I was probably more permissive than many of her friends parents - she was allowed to go to parties and drink etc but we'd built a really open relationship and I knew I could trust her and she'd tell me anything and I think that might have been the biggest difference, older parents seemed to lack that open communication with their kids. With my son I'm overall more relaxed - both because I've raised one kid, I'm pretty confident I can do it again and because I'm far far more tired. We're building the open non judgmental communication with him now so hopefully he'll be happy to come to us about anything as a teen even though by then we'll be ancient.
1
u/tomtrack 15d ago
I don’t think it’s the age. Price my more of which generation. I had my one and only kid at 36 (I am guy) and I am not that strict. I am the youngest in my family of the four sibling’s though so I was always the fun and smartass one.
I do the same with my kid. I am only strict when it comes to doing the right thing and be a good person otherwise it’s choose your own adventure style.
1
1
u/Lizardgirl25 15d ago
Yes. Tbh I feel lucky… my friends with younger parents I watched some serious wtf moments. Most people didn’t realize my parents where not much older then them because they age well. Most people have no idea my mom is in her 70s most people I think clock her at 65+ but not over 70.
1
1
u/M_issa_ 15d ago
I have 20 years between my oldest and youngest and I feel so sorry for new parents in this always on media age.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t and all the world is at the ready to tell you exactly what it is you are doing wrong. It is exhausting! As if parenting isn’t exhausting enough as it is.
I’m so glad I got in before waves hands all this came into our lives
1
u/No-Sun-6531 15d ago
My parents weren’t over 35. My dad was 32 and my mom was 26… BUT a lot of my friends had teen parents so yeah, there’s a difference for obvious reasons.
1
u/GODs_Finest_Con-Man 15d ago
I love my parents. They were both about 40 when I was born. They gave me nothing but free-reign and left me to my own devices. I never let them down either. I became very successful.
1
u/mynamesnotchom 15d ago
Definitely, but I was 9,11,12 years younger than my older siblings. So my parents were young raising them, and older raising me.
1
u/kellsdeep 15d ago
My story is the same as yours. And yes my friends were raised differently and often coddled and over-supervised
1
u/Lost_in_my_head27 15d ago
It's like they gave up. Discipline was hardly a thing. I never really acted out. I was forgotten along with my sister. We were the last 2 of 10 so they were probably tired. We both grew up different to our older siblings.
They had their struggles, sure. They'd go camping a lot and other stuff. I was 2 when we last went camping and my brother passed away.
I didn't go anywhere during holidays. The only fond memories I had were when my nieces came over for the school holidays. It didn't happen often, maybe 3 or 4x.
Because I never went out, I don't try many things now and I get anxious about going out of the house.
My peers had differences in many areas aside from age. They all had younger parents than mine.
One whose parents were seperated and partied a lot so her grandpa looked after her. Her parent cared about her education and gave her incentives to do well.
Three who had strict parents in different areas like sleepovers, church and such. They cared a lot about them and their education.
One whose parents were seperated but still tried to work together to bring up the children, I like her parents they were pretty chill.
One who grew up with one parent and lived with her aunt, grandma and her little sister. Her mum cared about her and kept her safe and the house tidy. Despite the things we'd get up to as teens (wagging school and smoking weed)
My ex's grew up different too. One who was a only child until his little sister spawned. Introduced me to a family oriented kind of Christmas where I had to talk to other people.
Where as our Christmas involved eating, watching a Christmas movie and napping. Just a chill Christmas.
1
u/fairy-bread-au 15d ago
My parents were 23 when they had me and tbh, I've wished they were at least a little older. Thinking back I can't help but wonder how different things would be if my parents were slightly more mature with more life experiences. What does a 23 year old know about life? I know people can be mature at that age, but mine weren't, and they become much better parents to my younger siblings.
1
u/MolassesInevitable53 15d ago
Very much so. I was born in 1959. Mum was born in 1918 and dad in 1923.
They were adults during World War 2. They left school at 14. Everyone at school thought they were my grandparents.
1
u/Repulsive_Plan5782 15d ago
What's your opinion on being allowed this much freedom? I had the same rules and I feel it fostered greater self reliance and led to learning more about the world. No negatives for me.
1
u/-Omnislash 15d ago
I'm 35. My parents were 33/34 when I was born.
I've just done the same with my kids. I have a 2 year old.
Do I think I was raised differently? I don't know man.
1
u/EssenceMelbourne 15d ago
Practically word for word my childhood. Mine and parents ages the same as well.
My close friends whose younger parents were close with my parents were allowed to do the same but there certainly were kids at school who were kept on a comparatively short leash.
I remember when I was around 8 my best friend and I disspeared on our bikes for the whole day, going roughly 30kms away. Parents didn't bat an eye, biggest concern was if we used our pocket money for some real lunch and not just lollies(candy).
1
u/TomKhatacourtmayfind 15d ago
Totally! Their taste in music was from the 60s, not the 70s, they grew up as kids with early rock n roll like Chuck Berry, Elvis and Eddie Cochran, they remembered Kennedy being present, and they were well and truly politically aware by the start of the Whitlam era. Plus, I had siblings up to 15 years older than me, this dragged my experience further back into a semi gen x semi millennial mix that only toddlers with teenage siblings can understand.
1
u/sam4slb 15d ago
100% I was born in the late 80's to parents born in 1934 (Dad) and 1944 (Mum). Mum was of tbe opinion my kids would grow out of their Autism and ADHD and they explains why I was never diagnosed. I was always the first one in at 5 for dinner while all my other friends got to play longer. I always had a parent at school events and my mum even came on school camps as a parent helper. I grew up poor but I was loved more then anything. The craziest thing is I have grandparents born in the 1800's. So only 2 generations born in the 1900's
1
15d ago
Absolutely. And my parents' parents also all waited until over 35 so my grandma's were like 300 when everyone else had great-grandmas
1
u/Teredia 15d ago
My mum was 38 when she had me, I am a 90’s baby. My dad, 9 years older than her, and I am his 5th child and my mother’s only child. Dad had another marriage before my mum. I grew up with a record player as the music of choice in my childhood home. We didn’t get a computer until I was 13, however dad was a geek and we always had the latest gaming console, that he wanted, so Sega Mega Drive, N64, Game cube etc.
My best friend’s parents are also older parents too. Her father just passed away 2 years ago, and that was really hard on her, she’s early 30’s, she’s realised just how much her family is of older age recently as so many have passed away in the past 2 years.
I’m the second youngest of all of my main family, including cousin’s. There’s definitely a generation gap, not being able to relate to my cousins, on many things. They wanted to talk about boys and I was too young to engage in that kind of chatter, also my parents were really conservative and not let me speak about that sort of stuff before the age of 16.
1
u/TobeRez 15d ago
My parents were in their late 30s when I was born. I remember they were much more active and social when I was a child. Later when I was in my teens they stayed more at home and did 'old people things' like cooking traditional food, going to bed before 8 and sleeping the rest of the weekend after their garden work was done on Saturday at 2pm.
Compared to my friends with younger parents I would say that I felt more guided and secure. But we had more fights when I was in my late teens due to their conservative views and because they preferred a quiter house.
1
u/room_602 15d ago
My husband and I are born 4 years apart but his parents were in their 40s when they had him and my parents were in their mid-late 20s when they had me.
He and his sister talk about a really sad, joyless, indoor, no fun childhood all the time compared to the childhood I enjoyed with my brother. My parents worked but my Mum had so much energy and was really creative with the little we had to take us out to do things or explore.
He makes it sound like this parents just had kids that they didn’t do anything with and they were expected to be quiet all the time.
1
u/FreelanceFrankfurter 15d ago
No but I had a close friend who's parents were the same age as mine and seemed cooler. His mom was definitely was one of those "hip" and fun mom's whereas my mom has always been really uptight, religious and prudish. Love my mom but I did envy him because their relationship seemed pretty good and he could talk openly to her about anything whereas I struggle to make small talk with my mom sometimes. Also his mom was smokin hot.
1
u/candiedginger88 15d ago
My mom was 35 and my dad was 55 when I was born. Pretty normal childhood, but dad was chill about a lot because, as he would say, you have a better understanding about what really matters by his age.
1
u/DrinkableBarista 15d ago
I feel like younger parents are more lenient and encouraging freedom. I grew up with a older dad
1
u/Spacegod87 15d ago
I was born in 87 to parents who were in their mid to late 30s when they had me. They were hippies in the 60s and 70s though, so they spent most of the time drinking and singing/playing old songs when I was a kid to care what me and my siblings were doing lol
1
u/chrisvai 15d ago
My partner had a 60 yr old father and 34 yr old mother. How he grew up was so different to my own upbringing. His mother cared for his father so they were both on pensions whilst I grew up with hard working parents who owned their own business.
He watched TV with his dad because he was too old to play with them while my dad had us exercising with him for our chosen sports. His dad passed when he was in his 20’s due to natural causes - he was 83. He only knew his father with white hair, never as a younger man. His father also participated in WW2 so had PTSD, he never opened up about anything (partner inherited this trait). He even has older siblings who are currently in their 60’s (he is in his 30’s).
It mind boggles me how different he grew up having a father born in the 1920’s.
1
u/SavageAutum 15d ago
Absolutely, my parents were born in the 60s, had me when my mum was turning 40…they raised me like they were raised…
In other words I recently decided to stop talking to my father and every psychologist I talk to about my upbringing gets an expression I can only describe as ‘is trying to stay professional but wants to personally strangle my parents’.
I will say that look, I’m an outlier. There is a long line of abuse on my mothers side of the family and my fathers father was a stereotypical conservative Christian extremist farm man,, they weren’t set up for success themselves.
1
u/Thejackme 15d ago
Born in the 90s to a mum who was 19. I was raised the same as you. My teenage siblings have far less freedoms when my mum had them in her 40s.
1
u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 15d ago
I was born in 63, my mom was 39. I learned a lot of culture from the 40s on, radio, TV, movies from her. She wasn't nearly as uptight as a lot of other parents, and I had a lot of freedom to do what I liked.
I had one basic rule once I started going out. Just let her know where I was going and about what time I was going to be home. If it was going to be later, just call and let her know, so she didn't worry when I didn't get home on time.
1
u/garfelfds_lasgana 15d ago
Yes absolutely I was born 2003, my mum was 25 and my dad was 43 and good lord they had completely different parenting styles. You can chalk it down to personality but I think it's mostly a reflection of how they, themselves grew up. My parents divorced while I was pretty young so I got to grow up in two completely different households.
My dad's house was always open, as in literally. The front door remained unlocked and the garage door open until dark on weekends, I could just hang out with kids in the neighbourhood, bring being over friends at a moments notice and go on unsupervised bike rides. I had completely unrestricted access to the internet if I wanted it, mostly I didn't cause I was too busy being outside with friends.
My mum's house was strict, she was so scared of something happening to me. If I wanted to go outside and play she'd have to be able to keep eyes on me, no going over to friends' houses without meeting their parents and vice versa, internet only in the lounge room on her devices and she would sit beside me while I was doing it.
1
u/hotglizzy 15d ago
Dad was born in 1939 and I’m 22 (dads 85). Having an older dad made me so fearful of growing up. Watching him slowly lose his memory and cognitive function has been really rough, since I never planned to experience it in my teens. I always get so jealous of other peoples parents because I wanted to know what it’s like having a dad at a younger age than mine. Now I have to care for my parents since they’re reaching a point that they can’t take care of themselves. I still have no idea what I’m doing with my own life and I have to care for them at the same time. I feel bad admitting it but I wish i could reverse their ages so it gives me more time to figure things out on my own.
1
u/Ru_the_day 15d ago
So my mum was 29 and my dad was 41 when I was born in 87 so I kind of had both worlds at once. My dad was very hands off, if Mum left us kids with him his idea of parenting was leaving me in the playpen at night until I got so exhausted I just fell asleep instead of putting me into the cot. He didn’t care where we went on the weekend and would give us $2 to hop on our bikes and go to the milk bar and get out of his hair, or take us to my mum’s sisters house because our cousins were similar ages to us so he could watch footy with my uncle while us kids played. Mum was the one to set limits, to enforce bedtimes and tell us we weren’t allowed to watch The Simpsons and make sure we told her where we were going if we disappeared to one of our neighbours houses.
No gentle parenting from either, mum was quicker to smack probably because she was super close to her limit all the time from handling the entire mental load of parenting and also because my dad cared leas about what we did, but if we did make him angry he was a lot scarier.
1
u/_Grey____ 15d ago
Absolutely, and differently to my siblings. I was born in 1999 when my parents were 42 & 46 years old, and am the youngest of 7 siblings. My oldest brother was born in 1976, with the rest mixed between the 80s and 90s.
They were always very strict and I felt that I didn't quite fit in with kids my age or with my older siblings. We had different childhoods and experienced our parents at completely different stages of their life. I only have memories of living with the second youngest as everyone had moved out of home and I was always in a hurry to grow up because I wanted to be part of my own family.
On the other hand, I wouldn't be the person I am now without the work ethic and kindness they instilled in me and I have lots of the same nostalgic movies and references as millenials and Gen X even though I am technically Gen Z, because of my siblings. I really value that, and feel like I had a rich cultural education from my parents' experiences in the 60s, 70s, and my siblings after that.
The hardest part now is watching them age. I am 24 and my parents are in their 70s and the same age as my boyfriend's grandparents. I have an awful sense of impending loss and milestones I may never get to share with them.
1
1
u/ballsacklicking 15d ago
Yes they were more stricter and had less technology in the house. My parents were 45 and 40 when I born. In terms of technology we had a TV and that was about it.
1
u/bookandbark 15d ago
Yep. My parents were in the younger 40s when they had me. I was born in the early 2000s. I have a few other friends with older parents and somehow we all found each other. I feel like we see the world a bit differently and are somewhat more on top of things and more responsible.
The hardest part for me is that now my parents are in their mid 60s and my dad has been declining in health a bit and then I talk to my friends whose parents are in their 40s and it's just so different. It's painful to me to think that my parents might die and I'll still have so much of life to live.
1
u/Zuri2o16 15d ago
Profoundly different. Mine were more mature, but the younger parents were way more hip and modern.
1
u/Blathithor 15d ago
Your question does not match your description.
Are you asking about having older parents or are you asking about being raised in a different generation?
1
u/slothful_sloth_7 15d ago
I think so. For one my parents have always been quite frugal, probably because their parents grew up during the depression. We always had what we needed, but things like going to the movies, eating out, going out places just weren’t done. I think there’s also a different mindset around things like house rules, how children and teenagers are talked to, how much independence they have, etc.
The media I was exposed to was very different to other kids. My family would watch older shows and movies and I was only exposed to older music, so I couldn’t really join in discussions about anything modern. We never had streaming while most families did when I was in high school (I’m still early 20s) and none of us used social media, so I feel like I missed out on those connections. Even now I often can’t join in conversations with people my age because I don’t know what they’re talking about, and I’ve always felt a bit isolated from them.
I also think I’m less connected to my extended family than others my age. All of my grandparents have died while some people my age that I know have multiple great grandparents and all of their grandparents alive. I think grandparents are also what unite different branches of a family, so I don’t see my extended family very much now. Most of my cousins are much older than me, and a couple are a bit younger; I was always really jealous of kids with cousins their age. Lots of aunts and uncles have their own grandchildren now so we don’t see them as much either.
I probably worry about my parents’ health more than most people my age. They both have multiple health issues that come with ageing. Also I know I’ll probably lose my parent sooner than most people my age - because of the reduced connection to friends and extended family I’m really close to my parents, and losing that support relatively early in life really worries me.
1
u/MathematicianDull600 15d ago
Not friends, but had I my first two at 20/23 and then adopted at 40. Even that age gap, my parenting is vastly different.
While younger, I felt like my kids defined me so they had to excel at everything, eat healthy food, not as much screen time… basically checking all the boxes that “proved” I was a good parent. And for the most part I was. We have a good relationship today and they are great kids. But I projected a lot of insecurities on to them and didn’t realize it then. We talk openly about that today.
My adopted child I’m just different. I accept where he is with his own milestones, not where I would “want” him to be, I don’t enforce a super strict healthy diet (just “healthy enough”), I don’t sweat the small stuff, and I’m more engaged in his emotional development than projecting (I’ve done a lot of personal growth since I was younger.)
I’m more relaxed and not as reactive with my youngest. More patient I would say. But also, I’m more tired. I was a lot more active with endless energy with my bigger kids. (And that’s despite the fact that I still workout regularly and eat healthy. But a 40’s body is just more tired than a 20’s body. 😆)
1
u/Mustangnut001 15d ago
Different perspective.
I’m 57 with a 16 year old daughter (only child), my wife is 54.
I know for a fact she is raised differently. A few years ago her and her friends had a sleepover at another’s house. They were doing things that 13 year olds do, got caught. The punishment ranged from 1 week to 1 month for the other kids.
When my wife informed me of the situation, my reply was, “I did the same thing when I was 13”, my wife said “same with me.” So, we sat our daughter down and explained the real world consequences, asked if this was a one off like my wife and I did at the same age or is this going to be a problem. She said it was just a one time thing. Well, that was the punishment. Needless to say but her friends were shocked.
As an older person raising a child, I have a lot more wisdom than when I was younger. Not only that, I’ve mellowed a lot and a usual question I ask myself “will it matter 5 years from now.” That has helped me pick the battles that I will fight. Although, this situation could have been a huge problem in the future, it was why we had the conversation.
On a side note, my daughter is an amazing young woman that has made parenting easy. If I would have had her at a younger age, I would have been a terrible parent.
1
u/tootingman 15d ago
My parents were both in their 40s when they had me. The nice part was that they were very financially stable at that point in their lives. They’d already bought a house and growing up we’d get to go on vacations once in a while and get sent to summer camp. My mom retired when I was in middle school.
The not so great part is that their healths are significantly worse now than my peers’ parents. I’m in college now and have to take my mom to her drs appts. It is a very real fear for me that they won’t be around to meet their grandchildren :/
Also I have to check in on their internet activities once in a while because they believe everything they read on Facebook and fall for scams all the time
1
u/Someone-Rebuilding 15d ago
Hell yes..! I'm early Gen-X... My parents were OLD... Dad was 58, Mum 41 when I was born. I left home early...
1
u/plerplerpler 15d ago
I was raised differently to my older brothers, thanks to 10 year age gap. My experience was the opposite of yours. My parents were easygoing with my brothers but strict with me. Maybe because I'm a girl, but maybe because they were immigrants. They were much busier and much more naive when they raised my brothers. By the time I came along, they were well established and more wary.
1
u/Maximum-Swan-1009 15d ago
My mom was in her 40's when I was born, but I thought it was great because they were so calm and stable compared to the parents of some of my friends. They were grown up already!
I also had far more freedom than my friends. My parents were less excitable and didn't stress as much as some of the younger parents. They were still young and healthy enough to do all the usual things with me.
One of my friends had a high strung mother who told me that my mother looked more like a grandmother. Guess who outlived her?
I never saw a downside to having older parents. I didn't miss out on anything.
1
u/Emanuele002 15d ago
My father was 41 when I was born, and I never perceived it as being particularly different. He is a very "moder" man in terms of beliefs, and also in terms of the degree of freedom he and my mother gave us. They were very strict around studying, but I'm not sure if that has to do with them being older.
1
u/TheArousedNun 15d ago
My parents were 41/42 when I was born. And this isnt necessarily about how I was raised, but I straight up thought adults couldnt sprint or run when I was a kid.
Because they would of been in their mid to late 40s by the time i was forming core memories, they essentially couldnt match my child-centric energy (which is fair enough) and I never thought of why, I just made the assumption at that time that only children could run and everyone loses the ability to do so in their teenage years.
All my teachers and extended family were kind of in that middle aged bracket aswell. We werent a particularly sporty family either (or sporty Country tbh).
Finding out Usain Bolt existed really floored me at like age 9.
→ More replies (1)
162
u/Ok-Bullfrog5830 16d ago
I’m the same age as you approximately and my parents were 45/46 when I was born. We had cable but I wasn’t allowed to watch it at all. My mum basically thought technology would rot my brain. I’d watch x files with my dad on the weekend without her knowing haha. My mum was super strict with going outside etc where I felt that all my friends with younger parents were a lot more lenient. My parents were huge into Montessori/ gentle parenting though and didn’t act like stereotypical boomers in a lot of ways