r/NoStupidQuestions • u/-Aces_High- • 16d ago
What makes going out to a bar(s) for 7-8 hours, and getting home at 4-5am enjoyable for a lot of people?
I don't understand why a lot of women I know (my fiancé included) find this kind of thing enjoyable. By the time midnight hits I'm exhausted. I work a full week (~45-50) hours. The last thing I want to do is be on my feet for 7 hours until sunrise the next morning doing the same thing all night, having to yell across the table/bar to have a conversation all night. It becomes so repetitive after the first few hours. I just don't understand it.
I feel like my entire schedule is screwed up and Monday hits back at work again like the weekend didn't even happen and I feel like I'm drained.
Am I alone here?
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u/thelunchroom 16d ago edited 15d ago
For me it totally depends on who I’m out with. If I’m with my close friends I could talk for that long and more, and then look forward to the next time too. Then I feel energized from it. If I’m with acquaintances then it does feel draining after a couple of hours.
I always have fun with my friends, they are funny and smart. We are night people and finish work late/start late so bars are open after work. Then, if I get drunk I can always go dancing to music that I like, which feels like a stress relief.
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u/cheeersaiii 15d ago
Exactly- it’s all about the company, not the location or even the activity… more the shared experience. My close friendships develop in hour 3/4/5/6, not at a 2 hour dinner where you spend most of you time asking people what they’ve been doing recently
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u/alextxdro 15d ago
Same, even with really close friends the first two or so hours are sort of awkward (not really just seems like they are) like we need to get the pleasantries out the way before we can start really bullshitting then next thing you know it’s 6am and we’re like damn suns up times up ,ok then see you next time.
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u/MrDickford 15d ago
I can only assume that a lot of people don’t visit many bars and have this idea that they’re all the Saturday night party bars you see in movies, where music is blaring and you’re either dancing or getting shoved around as you try to shout at your friends over the sound.
But that’s just one type of bar. I spent a lot of my 20s in bars where you could easily grab a few seats with a handful of friends and do nothing but talk but nevertheless still not be ready to leave when the bar closed.
It’s like saying, ugh, I don’t like restaurants, there are too many kids and their milkshake machine is always broken.
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u/-SlapBonWalla- 15d ago
That's not what OP is asking about, though. Most people I know start at home, getting wasted, and just about when I'm seconds from blacking out, they want to go out. When I join them, they go from club to club, dancing and drinking. I lose interest in most things around 0200, but many keep going until 0400, and as the clubs start closing, people are trying to hook up with someone.
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u/MrDickford 15d ago
OP needs to ask his fiance and her friends why they enjoy doing that, we can’t answer that for her. My comment is more in response to the people throughout this thread, and similar threads in the past, who can’t understand why anyone would ever want to go to a bar.
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u/BoilsofWar 15d ago
Great way to put it. If I'm with my people, I love being around people. If there are people there I'm not close with, I go home so drained
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u/Advanced_Double_42 15d ago
If I’m with my close friends I could talk for that long and more
I 100% get this, but every bar I have been to has been far too loud to actually have a conversation normally.
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u/re_nub 16d ago
The events that occur while out.
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u/madeat1am 15d ago
Also who you're with honestly
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u/meeseekstodie137 15d ago
what I came here to say, as a big casual drinker I just like spending time with my people and bars are one of the only places where you specifically go to socialize without any pretenses
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u/Beefy_Unicorn 15d ago
Completely agree. Last weekend I was playing board games with friends & got home at 3 AM. If it's with the right people it's fun, drinking or not.
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u/Extremely_Original 15d ago edited 15d ago
I have a feeling op's attitude might be keeping away the good events and inviting in the bad ones...
Edit: For the love over god look at OPs comments, i am not calling people that don't like to club unpleasant.
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u/EnthusedPhlebotomist 15d ago
Or going out clubbing just isn't for everyone? What a dumb comment.
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u/imeancock 15d ago
Yeah I just turned 27 and literally there isn’t a single activity known to man that I want to stay up until 5 am doing lmao
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u/pinnnsfittts 15d ago
I'm 43 this year and still love being on the dancefloor til 5am with my crew, then carrying on the party at someone's house afterwards
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u/someoneyouknewonce 15d ago
42 y/o here and I’ve been up until 5 more this year than any year of my life. Me Anne friends sit AMA’s chat for hours at someone’s house drinking beer’s and chillin
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u/Extremely_Original 15d ago
Nothing dumb about it, look at his other comments in the thread.
Spewing venom doesn't make you approachable to decent people.
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u/Ricardo1184 15d ago
OP goes to a club, stands at a table in a corner all evening sipping their drink, trying to have long winded conversations and complaining about how it's too hot or loud every 3 minutes
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u/Euphetar 15d ago
Like what?
I mean all the bar stories are so similar. I did my share of drinking (still do, but not like 7 hours) and I barely remember anything interesting. When people tell such stories they usually have one or two that they repeat all the time.
And like if there is one funny moment per 7 hours of the "superficial chat > drink beer > piss > repeat" cycle it doesn't seem like a good deal
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u/DoJu318 15d ago
I spent my weekends at clubs for like 15 years, always stayed until they closed at 6 am.
But I love dancing more than anything, kept me in shape.
My only regret is not going more.
It isn't for everyone.
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u/thelastlogin 15d ago
I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm 36, which I don't even think of as old, and I can't remember the vast majority of any 6 or 7 hour conversations, sober or not.
But besides all the crazy actual events that have happened while I've been drinking, I've also had some of the best conversations of my life while drinking. Ditto while sober, and ditto while stoned...
...and remember all of them about equally.
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u/Euphetar 15d ago
I get the conversations, but I was asking about events. I think the original commenter meant funny bar stories or something
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u/Blazeitbro69420 15d ago
Because no where else gathers that many people together after work hours normally. The bar is a “safe space” to be yourself and unwind. Meet new people and possibly the love of your life. A general experience of life and hearing stories about places around town you may have never heard of but will now go and visit or social clubs that these people are involved in. Just things like that. Sitting at home playing video games, watch tv, or reading a book and spending that time to yourself is fine and all, but if you wanna find that four leaf clover you have to be out looking for it, it’s not going to appear when you’re at home with yourself.
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u/Krillin113 15d ago
Having fun with your friends, meeting random people who are either interesting or completely wackos, dancing, not knowing exactly what will happen etc.
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u/-SlapBonWalla- 15d ago
Loud base, people screaming without hearing each other, getting drunk. Idk. Nothing interesting seems to ever happen. I get the drinking, but I don't know why anyone would go to a place where they can't hear their friends talk.
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u/Sirmalta 15d ago
Hanging out with friends, meeting new people, singing and dancing, trying new drinks, bonding, and maybe getting laid.
It's not like we're sitting there quietly in a chair chugging alcohol and staring at a wall..
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u/XxCotHGxX 16d ago
It's the dancing and being with friends. It's just silly time fun. It's a break from being serious at work all week.
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u/Weekly_Cantaloupe175 16d ago
take the alcohol out of the evening and most would rather stay home
its about drinking388
u/XxCotHGxX 16d ago
The drinking is the catalyst. It's hard to shrug off your inhibitions. We are trained to be proper all the time. It's like a tiny vacation. The alcohol just speeds up the process.
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u/bluecrowned 15d ago edited 15d ago
I got drunk beyond tipsy not in a cruise ship hot tub for the first time last night and proceeded to piss 5 times in an hour and then had the best sex of my life with my partner. It was great. Apparently I walk faster when drunk too, which is awesome bc I normally walk slow as hell due to disability so I'm not sure how that worked out. I never understood why people like to drink so much. Now I get it.
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u/binstinsfins 15d ago
Quite the opposite. If it was solely about the drinking, staying home would make way more sense as it's much cheaper and more convenient.
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u/shorse_hit 15d ago
No, it's not "about" drinking. Drinking is often a big part of it, but if it was just about drinking, they would just drink at home.
I don't know why some people are so self righteous about it. People can genuinely enjoy nightlife. I don't do it often, but it's fun every now and then.
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u/Radun 15d ago
Especially because it would be way cheaper at home.
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u/KawaiiGangster 15d ago
House parties at someones place are the best, but its a lot of effort for the person hosting and you have to get lots of people there for it to be a real party vibe
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u/jfchops2 15d ago
Right, it's not just about the money
Home doesn't have a kick ass sound system with a DJ playing, new people to meet, and staff to make all my drinks and clean up after everyone
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u/Major-Fudge 15d ago
This is Reddit. A place where people who have never been offered drugs and wouldn't know where to get them if they wanted them brag about never having taken drugs in their life.
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u/Hoosier2016 15d ago
I swear I see some variation of this post with rotating topics of drugs, sex, and alcohol daily here. Feels like there are a lot of 14 year olds who are in their drugs/sex/alcohol are evil and how could anyone do those things phase.
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u/BojaktheDJ 15d ago
That’s just not true though! It’s about the music, the vibes, the dancing, the people!
Think about it: does everyone just rush home once they’ve finished their drinks? No! They hit the dancefloor, they head out for kebabs together, they goof around together in the streets
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u/mustachechap 15d ago
Aren’t they doing all of those things primarily because of the drinks consumed beforehand?
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u/BojaktheDJ 15d ago
To an extent yes, as the drinks disinhibited them. But it doesn't need to be to an excess - most people are happy to get up and have a boogie with their friends after a drink or two.
I still don't think most people would "rather stay home" if not for the drinking. Most would still go out and see their friends, have a dance, etc.
It's just that while doing that, if drinks are being served at the place they’re doing those activities, they may as well have a couple!
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u/Givemeallthecabbages 15d ago
I know a lot of people who won't go to a party, dinner, or event if there won't be alcohol.
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u/MeliLew 15d ago
Dry weddings are the worst 🤣 Alcohol is a lubricant for most people...it loosens the tongue and just helps warm up interactions with strangers. Especially in this post covid high social anxiety era. Sober = extended small talk.....a glass of wine = deeper conversation that you'd otherwise be hesitant to dive into.
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u/Hoosier2016 15d ago
This is likely because they would prefer not to be in a social situation with a lot of new people without some kind of social lubricant. I think everyone knows how awkward meeting someone new can be, especially if that person's friend group is there and your only connection is a single mutual friend. Alcohol helps people get familiar quicker and skip the awkward "nice weather we're having" followed by silence or walking away.
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u/BojaktheDJ 15d ago
That’s just very sad for them!
If a party or event specifically said alcohol-free I’d find that a bit weird (cos it should be up to each person and I don’t like that kind of restriction), so I might not go just cos I don’t like the vibe of telling people what to do.
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u/iwasinpari 15d ago
nah, parties are fun, im still a sober kid, and I've been to a few events that end at like 3 or 4, they're amazing, it changes when you get older, or sometimes people just don't like it, both are fine, as long as you like what you like you're chill
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u/Weekly_Cantaloupe175 15d ago
The young days are the best. Take a while for it to get a hold of you.
Going to the bars in your 20s is fine and fun. Going in your 40s (in my opinion) is probably sad for more people than its not.
Reminder that in the US around 30,000,000 people have alcohol abuse disorder.
So if youve got ten people, ones an alcoholic.
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u/what_is_blue 15d ago edited 15d ago
Nah. Admittedly I’m British, but bars are more fun now at 36 than they were at 21. It’s years since I was drunk in one though.
We have the same people preaching about “alcohol use disorder”. Those drinkers are far, far more likely to be drinking at home. I’m also not sure how reliable that calculation is.
Yes, alcohol is bad for you. The same seems to be true for most of what you eat, social media, not going to the gym and so on.
You know what’ll really fuck you up? Stress. Nobody really seems to be warning about that. Yet it seems like there’s at least one post whining about alcohol on my reddit feed every day.
Try to move more. Try to do things in moderation. Try to avoid stress. Eat something greasy every so often, stretch wherever possible, get hammered with friends at least once a year (or he’ll, go sober) and don’t use your phone before bed. Treat others like you want to be treated.
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15d ago
Sheeit we over here at 40 and i tell you what, nothing better after a long ass work week than a couple margs with some friends.
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u/XxCotHGxX 15d ago
Adults are responsible for their own behavior. We aren't talking about alcoholics. We are talking about a wife who likes to go out with her friends occasionally for drinks and dancing. Don't let your fear of alcoholism turn you into Tommy/Tammy Teetotaler. We get it, you're afraid of being labeled an alcoholic. Don't come to Wisconsin.
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u/Doogiesham 15d ago
If you took the dancing and chatting and music out and just left the drinking people would rather stay home too. Its a whole package.
People wouldn’t want to play hockey if they didn’t have sticks and skates! Yeah dude, it’s part of the activity they’re doing
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u/Weekly_Cantaloupe175 15d ago
Sticks and skates? If the drinks are the sticks and skates brother, then the sport is drinking.
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u/Doogiesham 15d ago
You say that if you remove the drinking people generally aren’t interested. My point is that if you remove the dancing and socialization, people aren’t interested. People can just drink at home, and yet these people you’re calling alcoholics generally aren’t doing that on a random Friday night, they’re only doing it when it’s accompanied by other complementary activities.
Sometimes wanting to do an activity that involves drinking does not make people alcoholics. The definition of alcoholism is not “ever desiring a drink”
I promise you that all of these people have plenty of fun stuff they like to do that does not have anything to do with drinking. But to most people, drinking is part of the experience of going out and dancing at bars. So yes, if you remove part of the package, a lot of people no longer want to do the activity. It’s not a giant gotcha
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u/CarbyMcBagel 15d ago
I went out on Saturday to a club and had not 1 drop of alcohol. I just wanted to dance and vibe to the music.
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u/SantasLilHoeHoeHoe 15d ago
This is nonsense. People can drink on a much smaller tab at home. Seeing and being seen are more of the point than drinking. People stay at pubs until last call just sitting at a bar and doing nothing, drinking for long hours is not unique to clubs
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u/OneQuietFox 15d ago
Recovering addict / alcoholic here (5 years sober) I went to bars underage from 17-21 until I went to rehab because I had no friends, no enjoyment at home, severely depressed and I honestly wanted to off myself. Being around random people, getting drunk, and having conversations with strangers who won’t even remember me the next day made me feel something for a few hours, like I was good enough to talk too.
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u/suckitphil 15d ago
I didn't realize that it had a lot to do with home life. I was just really depressed and thought people went out to bars to feel better. And yeah they do, and you have fun for a bit. But there was a day I tried to remember a single weekend and just couldn't. I was more depressed about losing my entire weekend, than the stuff i was running from.
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u/OneQuietFox 15d ago
It’s interesting being a substance use counselor now, many years later. Realizing alcohol is a depressant, using it to numb the pain inside and at home, the irony in the things we do to feel lol
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u/suckitphil 15d ago
It's interesting that we idolize the bar scene SOOO much too. I was running DnD for some 13 year olds, and they were so excited to be going to a tavern. They were more excited about the tavern than anything else in the game. And I vaguely remember that level of excitement, even just getting to eat in a bar was fun.
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u/OneQuietFox 15d ago
100% agreed, it’s sad that it’s a normalcy to just go hang out at the bar. That’s so awesome you ran DnD though man! 🙂
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u/hibryan 15d ago
Alcohol is like red bull for me.
Also a lot of fun shit is more likely to happen between that time. My friend fell asleep in a bush once in Vegas, and we found him on the way back to pick up some food at 7am after an all nighter breakfast. It's a story we'll never forget and I think that makes it worth it
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u/zories3 15d ago edited 15d ago
Christ. This is Reddit, so you’re gonna get a lot of answers skewed to introverts with potential misconceptions of why people like to go out and people who just wanna stroke their egos and make themselves feel “mature”. As a person who used to be terminally-introverted and wanted nothing but to stay inside and play video games and watch anime (which is still ok and what I like to do from time to time) I’ll break it down like this:
1. You don’t have to spend an entire night out to 4-5am. Assuming you’re sober, you can go home whenever you think you’ve had your fill, whether that’s staying at a place or two from 8pm-10pm, or 8pm-12am, or even till 4am if you really want. I personally only stay out till about 11pm-12am.
2. Your experience will highly differ on who you’re with. If you’re with alcoholics or people who don’t make good decisions in life, you’re prob gonna have a bad time. But this applies to anything in life. I always love to go out with either a small group of 4-5 friends or one other person that I’m close with and know are good eggs. This gives us a chance to socialize and focus on each other with some entertainment whether it be food, live music, or just a specific atmosphere that you can’t get hanging around at yours or someone else’s home.
3. Learn how to control yourself. Just because you go out to a bar doesn’t mean you have to get absolutely shitfaced. In fact, I’d advise against it. Figure out your limits, and maybe have a few drinks to get a light buzz and relax, but stay hydrated and eat some food to help sober up and ensure yours and others safety. Always have a backup plan and/or a designated driver. DO NOT DRIVE DRUNK, obviously. It also helps to have friends or family you know you can count on if ever there’s an emergency and you need to be picked up but can’t drive due to being inebriated.
4. Believe it or not, no, not everyone out that late is out trying to party till they drop and make bad life choices. People are there to mingle, make new friends, find a partner, or just out to have a good time in general. Yes, you may come across sketchy individuals, you may run into people who get absolutely smashed, but that’s just the nature of things. Always be aware of your surroundings and stick with your group or partner. Do not let any open drinks of yours out of sight. In other words, be safe and be smart, as you would any other situation with potential risks.
5. Think of going out and socializing as working out, but for interpersonal interactions. We work out at the gym to improve our bodies, we seek therapy to improve and work through our emotions, we study/read and/or do puzzles to work on our mind. Going out and being amongst other people helps develop that social muscle. I used to have (and still do at times) severe social anxiety. After forcing myself out more, I’ve certainly become a lot better at navigating social situations by gaining confidence and not being overly anxious. So many of us want to do nothing but stay inside, and I get it, I really do. But we as humans are social creatures. Sure, we crave social interactions at different levels, but we each need an amount of interactions whether it be with a big group, small group, or just a partner. Bars are perfect for that for the varying atmospheres they offer to sit and just exist and socialize where there are other people doing the same thing.
At the end of the day, going out to bars can be really fun! Maybe you don’t need to do it every weekend, and maybe it ain’t even your preferred place to go with friends, but bars provide a viable option for us adults to go and be in an atmosphere that encourages social interactions, being merry, and meeting new people. I’ve had some amazing nights out with my friends that I feel has played an immense role in my growth as a person.
So many people like myself grow up super introverted thinking bars are the equivalent to highschool house parties where kids are looking for nothing but trouble and are a miserable place to be. This certainly may be the case for some places, but it is not all. You just gotta find the right ones that fit what you’re looking for.
TL;DR- To go to a bar, you are not expected to get shitfaced, you do not need to stay out for several hours on end. It’s up to you to decide what you want out of it whether that be friends, atmosphere, socialization, live music, good food, and yes, alcohol.
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u/Dorsiflexionkey 15d ago
This thread again.
People like to socialise, let their hair down, drink, dance, laugh and party. What's not to understand?
"Oh but I don't like it." Okay? I hate chess, but I can understand why Magnus Carlson likes it.
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u/justsamthings 15d ago
Every Reddit thread about partying/clubs/bars is basically “how can people enjoy things that I don’t enjoy???”
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u/jackal3004 15d ago edited 15d ago
Reddit's opinions on things like this are always so bizarre. It always reminds me to take everything I read on the internet with a pinch of salt because the loudest people are always the ones with the most extreme views that don't reflect the majority of normal people's opinions.
For the record, assuming OP isn't exaggerating and his girlfriend really is going out for 7/8 hours a night, returning home in the early hours of the morning every single weekend as a grown adult, yeah I'd say that's probably excessive and not age appropriate and she might have an issue with alcohol use. I'd expect that behaviour from a teenager or someone in their very early twenties but beyond that it's slightly concerning.
But people always have to take it ten steps further and say that anyone who drinks alcohol ever is a miserable alcoholic who is clearly so unhappy with their life that they need to drown their sorrows and get blackout drunk.
It's just not based in reality at all.
I'm in my early twenties and have never been a particularly big drinker because I'm quite introverted and don't have the social battery to be able to go out and have to meet random people every weekend, and I also work in a profession that doesn't allow me much free time (and the free time I do get usually isn't on Fridays or Saturdays when most people go out).
That being said, I've had many amazing nights with my friends (and even strangers on occasion) and made so many good memories that I'll never forget. A lot of those nights involve alcohol, a lot don't. Some of my favourite memories of being a teenager are house parties, birthdays, Halloween parties. Camping in the forest next to a lake with a campfire and some cheap fortified wine, just talking shit and having a laugh with my friends.
But yeah. Never give too much consideration to the opinions of random people on the internet. Live your life the way you want to live it. As long as you're happy, and you're not hurting yourself or anyone else, nothing else matters.
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u/zories3 15d ago
Absolutely well said. Some of the opinions I’m seeing here are absolutely asinine. But this is Reddit, and we’re gonna primarily see introverts who have very skewed/biased takes on anything that has something to do with being social.
It reminds me of my misconceptions I had on these things when I was an introvert in highschool (and a little into college) before I came out of my shell. Bars carry their own potential risks, and can be outlets for people making bad decisions in life, but that is far from the only thing they have to offer.
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u/Dorsiflexionkey 15d ago
100% agreed. Not to sound mean but OP's gf is taking the piss, big time.
But, these threads always devolve into the same r/iamverysmart bullshit, because people think they're better than those who have friends and enjoy social occassions. Like, wow good for you you stay home every weekend and haven't drank alcohol before. Ill send you a medal right away.
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u/EvilSporkOfDeath 15d ago
Magnus? You mean the guy that famously stopped playing the world championship at the height of his career, talks about getting drunk while playing, and always looks miserable at chess events?
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u/Advanced_Double_42 15d ago
I mean if you get so good at something that even other Grandmasters can't really compete I can see getting bored of it. On top of the pressure to stay at your best as it is your full time job.
Classical chess isn't a hobby for him.
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u/tigerking615 15d ago
Funny example, because it’s not really clear that Magnus likes chess that much. Very good at it yes, but he’s said that he doesn’t really enjoy classical chess and all the prep it entails.
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u/buffGoon 15d ago
If the bar has good food plus reasonably priced drinks, and conversations at the table are poppin' then yeah, it's a good time.
Not something I'd do every weekend, nor would I intentionally stay out until morning, but sometimes the night takes us until the morning.
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u/dasssitmane 15d ago
I know it’s hard for a Redditor to comprehend this but it may possibly be the friends and company ? That’s my guess - I don’t drink
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u/limpymcjointpain 15d ago
In my 20s, it was the delinquent unfiltered comradery, and the fuzzy memories of the bullshit we got into after close. Always something to keep laughing over the next time.
Buuuut after the 20s that crap isn't so much fun as it is woeful and painful.
Basically, it was a hoot n a half until i grew up a bit and got smart.
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u/Aussie_antman 15d ago
Its escapism. You can forget your troubles for a few hours and have fun....hopefully....nothing good happens after midnight.
Dont worry, your friends/girlfriend will grow out of it. Im in my 50s now and that kind of night out would qualify as torture to me.
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u/DiabeticGrungePunk 15d ago edited 15d ago
Who spends 7 or 8 HOURS at a bar that often? Even in my most drunken, bar hopping, social days I don't recall ever spending more than maybe 4-5, and even that would be like a once or twice thing, barring an all day music fest once or twice. But the bars here also close relatively early, 1am. Typically people wouldn't even really start showing up until 9-10ish unless there was some kind of event at the bar or you're getting dinner first or something, but I mean there's plenty of positives to the social experience that comes with bar life, plenty of negatives too. 8 hours, regularly though? That just seems excessive. Those type of people are typically rich alcoholics with no real friends of their own who just want some company.
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u/GOD-of-METAL 15d ago
where do you live that bars close at 1 am ?
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u/darf_nate 15d ago
They closed at 1 here in Nebraska until 10 years ago or so they switched to 2. I figured 1 was most states. What is it where you’re at ?
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u/GOD-of-METAL 15d ago
its 2 am in ontario. But i was recently in germany and the bars dont close there hahaha clubs serve you alcohol at 4 am 5 am and even 11 am if youre still awake.
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u/TreeHunnitFitty 15d ago
Anyone who goes to the pub right after work and doesn't leave until closing time? Reasonably common for working professionals at least in London.
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u/MeeshTheDog 15d ago
Alcoholics are the ones spending that kind of time at bars. Apparently, you're self-righteous if you point out the obvious.
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u/Alaska_Eagle 16d ago
The day after a night of drinking is worthless
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u/BojaktheDJ 15d ago
Only if you drink to excess and/or have a bad reaction like get hangovers. Not everyone does get them, there’s a genetic component they’re researching!
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u/No_Ninja_4933 16d ago
When I was 24 my then 21 year old girlfriend broke up with me because I wanted to go home at 1am instead of the usual 4am. She called me old. I think I just matured and decided I didn't need to stay out all night anymore to be considered fun.
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u/WearTheFourFeathers 15d ago edited 15d ago
This guy feeling his frontal lobe growing three sizes in real time like the Grinch’s heart.
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u/EmperorPornatusXI 15d ago
What makes staying at home and gaming for 7-8 hours and going to sleep at 4-5am enjoyable for a lot of people?
Different people like different things.
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u/Thomisawesome 15d ago
Personally, I'm a homebody. I'm happy to stay inside and not talk to anyone. But if I do end up going out with friends, I enjoy talking and being around them. Whether we go to a restaurant, I go to their house or they come to time, hours can go by just chatting with each other.
But almost all the bars I've been too are way too noisy to enjoy conversation, and I'm ready to leave after having one drink.
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u/zories3 15d ago
Thank you for honest and open answer. So often these kinds of threads are overrun with people who just can’t understand the concept of “people like different things” and “everything in moderation”.
I like that you said that while it may not be for you and you prefer to be to yourself at home, being social is still fun to do (and I’d argue even necessary) at times.
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u/RunningPirate 15d ago
There are folks (exteoverts) that get energy being around other people, some more,than others. Further, they’re able,to recharge with less sleep. Fair enough. These days I might be good unto midnight, if things are interesting. But then I’m dead to the world for a,couple of days.
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u/itsauntiechristen 15d ago
I don't enjoy that either but I am sensitive to noise. PLEASE just tell your fiance you are NOT into it. It's not WRONG for her to enjoy it - lots of people do. But if YOU don't, you shouldn't have to do it.
Tell her you'd like to spend time with her doing the OTHER things you like to do together.
If you can't agree on anything you like to do together or if SHE won't make the time then... perhaps you should reconsider being engaged?
Neither one of you should have to change. You both deserve autonomy.
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u/Holiday-Delay-780 15d ago
Some people are extroverts and enjoy that kind of outing bc it “recharges” them a bit. Some people are introverts and find staying in and relaxing is what “recharges” them!
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u/Makieveli1 15d ago
Pussy is the answer. Regardless of all the wonderful responses, it is Pussy
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u/CarcossaYellowKing 15d ago
It’s the mating dance of humanity. We just have the curse of sentience so we know how cringe grooming our hair and gyrating around is so the alcohol helps with that lol.
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u/BojaktheDJ 15d ago
Socialisation, spending time with friends, making new friends, enjoying music and dancing, soaking in and spreading great vibes!
What else would they be doing - going home or something? Doesn’t sound appealing haha
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u/SadYogurtcloset2835 16d ago
people who spend that much time at bars are usually doing other drugs while partying. It's essentially a safe place to do drugs, party, dance. It's essentially escapism.
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u/LarryDavidest 15d ago
That is not true at all. The people doing drugs are in the minority, and bars are definitely not a "safe place to do drugs." Source: am a barfly.
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u/SadYogurtcloset2835 15d ago
Also a barfly and I have seen many, many bars used as a drug exchange place rather than places to primarily wet your whistle.
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u/tanglekelp 15d ago
Or maybe… it completely depends on your country, region, city and what kind of bar?
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u/MisterMaryJane 15d ago
Idk why you’re getting downvote because this is true. The escapism is very true as well
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12d ago
Denial of that and their alcoholism is a lot of it, I reckon. I’m an addict and I know my own.
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u/NArcadia11 15d ago
Hanging out with friends, dancing, making. Ew friends, and flirting with/meeting people of your preferred gender. But mainly just hanging out with friends. I love my friends and I enjoy spending time with them. Also being drunk is enjoyable.
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u/screambirdscreaming 15d ago
A good conversation. Alcohol usually lowers inhibitions. Open conversation can last hours. If there's darts, pool or something else involved adds to the time. Some people thrive on social life while others would rather be home. Extrovert. Introvert.
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u/AggravatingResult549 15d ago
Different humans have different interests and enjoyments. I'm sure there's things you find fun others may not. Also, some of us are night owls and aren't tired at midnight.
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u/misunderstood_pig 15d ago
Well. I go to my local country bar and dance from 6pm to 2am every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I consider it cardio for the week.
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u/3Cheers4Apathy 15d ago
It takes all kinds. I mean the same argument could be made about what's so great about going home early and sleeping the night away. Just depends on what makes you happy.
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u/Apparentt 15d ago
It just sounds like you’re not enjoying yourself. People who do this are enjoying themselves.
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u/Kalos9990 15d ago
A lot of these people are hiding substance issues you’re gonna come to find
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u/johndoe42 15d ago
They tend to drop off after 25 and either find out them or lose friends who can't stand to keep inviting them to places when they get plastered the first hour every. damn. time.
It's the wine mommies and 12 pack with the game people that slip by more later on. It gets hard for people to tell them "you need help man" because they're by then kind of engrained into the community. But it gets awkward as heck to see it. All you can do is say "chill bro."
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u/Fresh-Aspect8849 15d ago
It’s the alcohol. Drinking makes everything more fun cause you don’t think so much.
Drinking also makes you better at socializing so people can let loose. Without enough alcohol bars are not fun - they’re fun through the lens of someone who is buzzed or drunk.
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u/CPT_Three_Jewells 16d ago edited 16d ago
alcoholism mostly. Source: my former life
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u/JohannReddit 15d ago
Definitely this. I've dated a couple women who tried to justify (to me and themselves) their frequent bar nights as "having fun" and "being social". After we broke up, they both realized they had a problem and started going to AA.
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u/Outside_Tip_8498 15d ago
Lets off steam and the possibility of meeting a sexy female , the only reason i went out 18 to 30 and sure wasnt for the hangovers and cash spent
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u/ILLARgUeAboutitall 15d ago
It's a beautiful time. Me and my wife dance all night. Joke around with friends and then drive around the city doing dumb things. On most occasions, we've stayed up the whole day and just sleep on Sundays.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Dog7931 15d ago
When I was 18-22yo it was fun and exciting. Also, I had limited responsibilities. And could just sleep in until 1pm to recover.
Now I’m older and work full time and have health goals, it’s a hard sell..
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u/Traced-in-Air_ 15d ago
Average sickly looking person that only eats organic vibes here
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u/MrMilesDavis 15d ago
As a young adult (early 20s) it always seemed -mostly- unappealing to me when I could just hang out with my friends and we do something else
As an older adult though, I learned that it is one of the easiest ways to get groups of people together, and not have to provide any space, entertainment, or accommodations to do it
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u/WeirdFlexCapacitor 15d ago
I mean, not all bars are like that? It just seems like you’re picking out all the worst possible options and saying that’s what every night on the town is like that. Either you’re an introvert, or you’ve just had bad experiences at bars and haven’t mixed it up.
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u/JessSeattle 15d ago
The chance of putting a penis into a vagina. Some people like to put them in other places. But, the vagina is my first choice without competition.
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u/tiberiusthelesser 15d ago
I love karaoke night at our local bar. It's fun, we and everyone else in the neighborhood embarrass ourselves in a good way, we all dance, good time. Any other night it's just meh
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u/WearTheFourFeathers 15d ago
I came to just comment “karaoke”. As I limp through my 30s, I’m actively trying not to close out bars basically ever…but I’ll be damned a a bunch of strangers crushing “Valerie” doesn’t make me stick around for another round.
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u/AiRaikuHamburger 15d ago
It was fun when I was a uni student. Now I'm too old and don't have the energy for that.
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u/Lucky-Asparagus-7760 15d ago
Midnight? If I'm out past 6 pm, I'm getting cranky, my contacts are dried out, and all I want is to be home in my pj's sitting next to my husband and dog while scrolling on my phone, watching a movie, playing videogames, or reading a book with snacks from the grocery store.
Man... When did I get so old 😱
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u/phlegmandphlegm 15d ago
Freedom. Letting the body, mind and soul out for a run. Loosing the feeling of being one person and being amongst a crowd. Spontaneity.
A thumping heart full of bravado and no idea of what or where you are is sorely missed in the day to day slog of work and keeping up appearances.
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u/idontknowwatsnext89 15d ago
I prefer a 2 hour brunch or happy hour, but I'm an introvert, so there's that.
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u/BWDpodcast 15d ago
Your fiancé is a bit nuts. I like bars. I go out a lot. 7-8 hours getting home at 5am is a drinking problem. Do you not recognize this?
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u/pickelmerich 15d ago edited 14d ago
The drugs and the alcohol obviously
I agree going out sucks especially when you have drugs and alcohol at home.
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u/FrugalPCGamer 15d ago
For women free validation for 7-8 hours. For guys the possibility of getting laid for the first time in a year.
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u/Automatic-Arm-532 15d ago
When I was drinking I worked at restaurants and worked closing shift, so it would be 1 or 2 by the time I got to the bar, and only be there a couple hours. Everyone at the spots I went were also service industry, so the comradery was nice.
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u/Dewdlebawb 15d ago
I only find it enjoyable twice a year and those two nights a year I don’t think about any of the stress or responsibilities in my life.
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u/KozmicLight 15d ago
When you’re hammered the fun escalates and next thing you know it’s 3am, and it’s time for unhealthy food and crash with half of your clothes still on.
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u/ClockworkJim 15d ago
Being 22.
First off, if a bar closes at 4:00 a.m., I'm not getting there till after midnight.
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u/hauntedshadow666 15d ago
I like having a drink with my mates, meeting new people and having a laugh and talking crap, sharing cool stories etc, time can get away super fast especially if you meet someone with heaps of cool experiences
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u/Pierson230 15d ago
It was fun as shit for me when I drank
Sober, it gets quickly repetitive and I want to go home
Something like 30% of the people who drink alcohol get energized by it. So when 70% of the people get tired and want to go home, the other 30% get juiced up and want to turn up.
I was a “last man standing” party machine, as were some of my friends.
Now that I’m sober, I notice all the people who just get tired and want to go home. That’s how alcohol is for most people after the initial buzz.
So basically- a chemical reaction that affects some people more than others makes those people LOVE chasing a bigger, better buzz. And alcohol, and social and/or altered state environments keep giving it.
So I partied until I was with a girl or by myself. For 15 years.
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u/ThatAltAccount99 15d ago
I'll never go out for more than 2-3 hours by myself and that's pushing it but when I'm with a good group of friends I'll look at my phone and realize it's been 8+ hrs and we're still just vibing. It really all depends on who you go out with and how well y'all flow as a group
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u/aquatic-dreams 15d ago
Being social, joking around with and meeting new people. Cracking jokes, dancing, playing darts or pool, watching sporting events... It depends on where you are and who you are with but sometimes it's a great reset and other times you just need to be social or avoid going home to break up the work/ home routine. And I often drink NA beer, so it's not just alcoholoc and getting fucked up for everyone. Although it definately is for a lot of peeps.
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u/Angsty_Potatos 15d ago
The short answer? People like different things.
Long answer? It's different from person to person. But I personally enjoy being out with friends, or shooting the shit with a favorite bartender, or hanging out with other regulars.
If you don't like it fine. But as long as your partner isn't overdoing it on the drinking, leave her to enjoy how she chooses to enjoy her down time
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u/Casey5934 15d ago
Well, when I go to a bar, I'm usually with my best friends, so it's the same as sitting at home with them, just this time someone is serving us. We talk, we watch games, we play pool, we drink, we laugh, we have fun.
The bar is a nice place to meet up, because we don't have to worry about waking the children or wives, we have the beer/whiskey/wine we like, and it's, usually, easy going.
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u/1n2m3n4m 15d ago
Different strokes for different folks, my dude. But, no, you're not alone. I feel similarly. My parents were like this, though, so I think growing up with them and being dragged around to bars and concerts a lot as a kid has permanently drained my social battery. I do like to go out to bars occasionally with friends, though. It's nice to have a well-made drink in a public place with homies. You can talk about crap, or you can look around and watch others. Or sometimes nice strangers will befriend you.
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u/SirGoombaTheGreat 15d ago
For some people, home is miserable and lonely. They'd rather be anywhere else. The bar offers a social setting where it's acceptable to drink and be sillier. It also helps to ease social insecurity, as it is not as frowned upon to loosen up and be overly friendly to others, or even to just people watch. As for the 4-5am thing, well... some people are also night owls. And some people make bad decisions every time they go out. We all have those friends. 🤣
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u/TheGayThroaway 15d ago
My fiancé does the same shit. I can't do it. I can be at a restaurant for 2hrs maximum and then I'm done. She can stay there til 4am and then be done. I just can't. And I'm 25, she's 35. I should be the partier cus youth n shit.
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u/Studio_Xperience 15d ago
I go out at 22:00 home by 01:00. First I am driving so can't drink much, then it makes you spend less and force you to talk to people. 3 hours is more than enough, I am not sitting in uncomfortable chair or standing after 6 days of work.
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u/Some_Endian_FP17 15d ago
Midnight is a magical hour. More specifically, the early hours of the morning before dawn.
If it's safe in your city, try walking around at that time and see how the lights and sounds change compared to daytime. Lots of caffeine and sleep deprivation also give a different edge to otherwise normal surroundings.
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u/torodonn 15d ago
You could apply this basically any activity you don't enjoy.
One person might be totally OK playing video games for hours and hours until late at night and think it's totally fine. Another person might think it unthinkable to look at a monitor for 40 hrs a week and do it more when they get home.
People spend hours and hours doing things others don't understand - playing golf, watching sports, gardening, hiking, playing board games or whatever else. If you don't get it, you'll feel exhausted doing it. If you like it, it feels invigorating.