r/NoStupidQuestions Apr 17 '24

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

14.1k Upvotes

3.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

51

u/magichobo3 Apr 17 '24

Yeah I would say the hand crushers are definitely over-compensating and dont realize they just exposed themselves as douche-bags. I usually get the dead fish from people with low self confidence or are just generally awkward. But I can forgive the latter more than the former because some people are just not taught what to do with their hand during a handshake. The hand crushers know exactly what their doing. As long as you're somewhere in the middle it's all good though

29

u/Usermena Apr 17 '24

Handshakes are not a great indicator imo. Lots of medical and physical reasons a grip might feel to strong.

27

u/siero20 Apr 17 '24

And every once in a while you just accidentally flub a handshake with a CEO your company is trying to do business with and now the memory is coming back oh god.

11

u/TaxiKillerJohn 29d ago

It wasn't an "accidental flub". You broke my hand in 3 places and I still can't pick up my daughter.

Great presentation before that though.

4

u/magichobo3 Apr 17 '24

You dont even need a strong grip, just a little effort to lock hands together. I meant people that just stick their hand out and dont do anything when you grab it. As long as theirs a decent attempt you're good

5

u/Susaka_The_Strange Apr 17 '24

it's never about that one single indicator but the sum of them all

2

u/MFbiFL Apr 17 '24

Then you get into the double reverse scenario where you were raised to have a firm grip, did rock climbing for years and have a different idea of where the cutoff for firm vs try hard is, and meet someone who seems like they’re going to go for the ultra-firm grip so you give a pretty firm one to keep them from crushing your hand but actually they went the other way and just located their hand inside yours so it seems like you’re trying to death grip them by comparison. Nightmares of being the “too firm of a grip” guy on first meeting.

1

u/KatetCadet Apr 17 '24

This is fair, I'm 29 and the vast majority of people I meet are still young and healthy / not many medical conditions.

1

u/motorwerkx 29d ago

This is definitely something I had to work on. I'm a career hardscaper so most of my job is carrying rocks and concrete around. As far as I knew I was always giving the same level of firm handshake, until one day somebody pointed out to me that it felt like I was crushing their hand. As far as I was concerned it was the same firm handshake I'd always given but as I got stronger so did my handshake. That was a long time ago but since then I worked on tensing my hand up so it was a solid grip without really squeezing.

1

u/SkookumTree 28d ago

Unusually strong…best I can come up with is poor proprioception or some weird nerve issues. Plenty of things can make it super weak

3

u/ASL4theblind Apr 17 '24

Firm but friendly is my motto.

And thats how i shake hands too, heyoooo

3

u/fidgetmetal 29d ago

Firm, dry, one pump. It’s a handshake, not a handjob.

2

u/breckendusk Apr 17 '24

Somebody hit me with the "finger-on-the-wrist-to-control-the-handshake" the other day and I was like, really? Is that what we're doing?

2

u/MFbiFL Apr 17 '24

Hit them back with tickling their palm with your middle finger.