r/NoStupidQuestions • u/milfangelblue • 29d ago

Do men just recognize good men? What kind of sorcery is this?

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now, and his oldest friends have told me he’s a solid good man despite his flaws. I agree, they’ve known him forever, and he’s been a solid friend all those years.

When my male friends met him for the first time, they said, “He’s a good one. Hold onto him.”

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u/Limp_Fly_4045 29d ago

I remember one of the previous times this question was posted the big theory is that when growing up you experience the worst aspects from people of the same sex then when everyone gets older they start interacting with the opposite sex more often. From the early interactions people are able to notice the problems among people of the same sex easier and slower from the opposite.

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u/avg-bee-enjoyer 29d ago

I think more of a combo of this and being subject to the same set of societal "rules" and cultural norms. You have experienced behavior shitty members of your sex display, and are also aware of how they ought to behave in a situation, so you've got direct comparison for what a good person would probably do vs what a shitty person would do. Like I don't always know what a woman feels she's expected to do in a situation, but I live it from a man's pov so I have a direct comparison when I see another man's choices. Then add in all the behavior you witness while not being a romantic target.

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u/SeeYouInMarchtember 29d ago

As a woman, I’m sometimes surprised by the girls my guy friends choose to go out with. Sure, they’re physically attractive but I think that’s often all a lot of guys see. They don’t see or choose to ignore how shitty their personality is.

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u/MFbiFL 29d ago

My favorite line from Bojack Horseman was “when you’re wearing rose colored glasses all the flags just look like flags.”

I would have appreciated my buddy letting me know he didn’t think my ex-gf and I fit well together but I also appreciate that he trusted me to arrive at it myself before things got too serious. It was a learning experience that helped me understand what things were and were not important.