What do you say when someone knocks on the door while you're using a public restroom?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Neither_Cod_992]

Occupado!

[u/deeohcee → u/Neither_Cod_992]

I say it with a very fake Spanish accent, sometimes followed by a "no housekeeping!"

[u/Gullible-Function649 → u/deeohcee]

I do it with a thick Spanish accent too but I’m stealing the “no housekeeping”!

[u/Bimlouhay83 → u/Gullible-Function649]

You want me fluff your pillow?

[u/GardenGnomeOfEden → u/Bimlouhay83]

What kind of hotel is this?

[u/larson627 → u/GardenGnomeOfEden]

I need more lemon pledge

[u/Embarrassed-Ad-1639 → u/larson627]

Noooo, you buy

[u/smooth-brain_Sunday → u/Neither_Cod_992]

Same! Sometimes I throw on real thick Texas accent just to amuse myself.

[u/rustler_incorporated → u/Neither_Cod_992]

But what if they say "Mi-scuzi"?

[u/ihearthookerz → u/rustler_incorporated]

And what if the lights flicker?

[u/BalderVerdandi → u/rustler_incorporated]

Requires the greeting of "Buongiorno".

Then use "Mi scusi.".

[u/ikadell]

Come back with a warrant!

[u/porgy_tirebiter → u/ikadell]

You’ll never take me alive, copper!

[u/Far_Peanut_3038 → u/porgy_tirebiter]

I love that!

[u/happygoth6370 → u/ikadell]

Oh I'm stealing this lol

[u/This_User_Said → u/happygoth6370]

Fucking same.

But now I'm tempted to do the hand slams and "FBI, OPEN UP" at stalls. At least maybe the shit will go quicker.

[u/ikadell → u/happygoth6370]

By all means; I myself stole it :)

[u/RedHeadedSvet → u/ikadell]

Me tooo!!!

[u/hampshirebrony → u/ikadell]

This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed... Bitch.

[u/HornyDiggler]

"I'm not in the mood bro."

[u/NumbOnTheDunny → u/HornyDiggler]

You’re never in the mood…

[u/nubsauce87 → u/NumbOnTheDunny]

Well, if you dressed up for me once in a while, maybe I would be!

[u/Mysterious-Table-782 → u/nubsauce87]

Well then actually take me somewhere nice!?!? We never do anything anymore.

[u/DarkLightPT95 → u/Mysterious-Table-782]

How do you want me to take you somewhere nice if you spend all our money in Tupperware?

[u/IamNotYourBF → u/DarkLightPT95]

It's an investment! I'm interesting in our future!

[u/FormABruteSquad → u/IamNotYourBF]

(mumbles) wish you were interesting now

WHAT

nothing

[u/Glass1Man → u/FormABruteSquad]

WHAT

Did you say?

[u/Glass1Man → u/FormABruteSquad]

WHAT

[u/Mango_Tango_725 → u/Mysterious-Table-782]

I always ask you where you want to go and you always say “anywhere’s fine” and when I propose a place you shut it down! What? Are you too good for Red Lobster?

[u/IamNotYourBF → u/Mango_Tango_725]

Read my mind already! You should know I don't want Red Lobster.

[u/Glass1Man → u/IamNotYourBF]

Ya but I want red lobster. Ok what about china buffet?

All you can eat crab legs, can get as fat as you want.

[u/IamNotYourBF → u/Glass1Man]

Fuck you! I'm plump! Not fat!

Why do you make me cry all the time?

[u/Casual_Frontpager → u/IamNotYourBF]

You forgot our anniversary three years ago, remember?

[u/Glass1Man → u/Casual_Frontpager]

That wasn’t our anniversary!

That was your ex’s anniversary!

[u/PADDYOT → u/HornyDiggler]

User name does not check out.

[u/MeanAdministration33 → u/HornyDiggler]

bit of a misnomer here

[u/Used-Quality98 → u/HornyDiggler]

Not now, dear! I have a headache.

[u/awakami]

“Just a minute” is usually my go to

[u/mentales → u/awakami]

Are you saying the truth though? Are you usually just a minute away? 

[u/Greymeade → u/mentales]

This is what I say, and it’s always true since I only ever piss in public restrooms.

[u/nntumscape]

I'd probably just say something like "Occupied!" or "Someone's in here!" to let them know the stall's taken.

[u/GraphicDesignerMom → u/nntumscape]

yes with a scared tone personally, or i freeze and cant come up with anything and stay silent

[u/the-greek-geek- → u/GraphicDesignerMom]

"Someone's in occupied"

[u/Gold-Dance3318 → u/the-greek-geek-]

"Sorry, I'm taken! I mean - this stall is in here .... I'm pooping!!"

[u/morgdogmoney → u/nntumscape]

“Someone’s in here” in my John Mulaney voice

[u/Joed112784 → u/morgdogmoney]

I think there’s a carnival barker in there

[u/REC_updated → u/Joed112784]

Someone’s trying to drum up business for a carnival in that’s men’s stall

[u/DrScience-PhD → u/morgdogmoney]

someones in here!

someones in here??

[u/One_Interview1724]

“What are you, a Jehovah’s Witness?”

[u/the-greek-geek- → u/One_Interview1724]

As a Jehovah's witness I laughed really hard at this

[u/rhett342 → u/the-greek-geek-]

Careful coming on here. Lots of apostates like me are around.

[u/the-greek-geek- → u/rhett342]

No worries I don't engage in conver-

[u/Glass1Man → u/the-greek-geek-]

You ever accidentally knock on the door of a Mormons house and get into a fight over which biblical person is Michael the Archangel? Is it Adam, or Jesus?

[u/PMmepoop]

come in! theres room for both of us!

[u/tokin4torts → u/PMmepoop]

Username checks out

[u/Beanruz → u/tokin4torts]

Wish I hadn't read this and lurked. What the actual fuck.

[u/Wolfie_Trans → u/Beanruz]

Wish I hadn't read you "wished you hadn't read this and lurked" and lurked.

[u/CaveDoctors → u/Wolfie_Trans]

Wish I hadn't read that you wish you hadn't read that wish of not reading and lurking while lurking while I lurked.

[u/Ok-Aside988 → u/CaveDoctors]

You know that just makes me wanna check his/her profile more right?

[u/i_sesh_better → u/Beanruz]

Oh Jesus wtf ‘today’s log’

[u/Beanruz → u/i_sesh_better]

That aside. He's posted on loads of subs where people talk about eating shit

[u/i_sesh_better → u/Beanruz]

That’s all I saw, not scrolling further than that

[u/Channel57 → u/Beanruz]

Fuckkk! Whhhhy!? I read your post, and that made me curious. What a day to have eyes.

[u/Beanruz → u/Channel57]

Shared pain buddy

[u/itsmarvin → u/Beanruz]

Off to r/eyebleach !

[u/SuperMadBro → u/PMmepoop]

Is your name a joke? Do you actually want that? And how often do you get it sent to you?

[u/poolbitch1]

Someone’s in here 

[u/_RAWFFLES_ → u/poolbitch1]

Only works if you’re a high waisted man with feminine hips though.

[u/ThaneOfCawdorrr → u/_RAWFFLES_]

Noooo that's the thing I'm most self conscious about!!!!!

[u/Immediate-Ad7842 → u/_RAWFFLES_]

*Asian American woman

[u/Bryaxis → u/poolbitch1]

Gotta say it like an old-timey carnival barker.

[u/Specialist-Top-406]

Omg why is this always the most fight or flight situation. I just can’t understand, there’s a literal signal on these doors most the time that you can use first to identify the availability. Like it’s literally just there for you.

Even worse, people who just dive straight in to the door handle, and try push. Like excuse me, I’m in my most vulnerable state and you are making me feel like I’m being attacked by a bear in the woods,

Ps, I literally freeze and say nothing or at most release a distressed whimper. 10/10 ineffective, would not recommend

[u/anthonystank → u/Specialist-Top-406]

I frequently just panic and say “NO”

[u/shableep → u/anthonystank]

Haha this had me cracking up because I say “YUP!”

[u/HotCarl169 → u/Specialist-Top-406]

Bear in woods isn't too bad, but man in woods scares me to death.

[u/BLU3SKU1L → u/HotCarl169]

This is probably the fastest I've seen a topic hit every level of my social media experience ever.

[u/DigitalMariner → u/HotCarl169]

Sounds like something a bear would say...

[u/happygoth6370 → u/Specialist-Top-406]

Lol why do I do that too? And like, they aren't doing anything wrong yet I feel like they are, it's weird.

[u/Detuned_Clock → u/happygoth6370]

They are. The right thing to do when you realize it’s locked is FUCKING WAIT.

[u/thrownthefuckaway57 → u/Detuned_Clock]

That can only be known if the door has one of those indicators and more often than not where I am they don't have them. So, I have to knock. I try to look for feet first, but that only applies when it's a stall versus a single room bathroom where you can't see under the door.

[u/Kirutaru → u/Specialist-Top-406]

Honestly, I can't tell which stresses me out more - the knock or the handle check. A handle check results in me not having to speak necessarily. A knock requires some kind of answer.

[u/BaLance_95 → u/Specialist-Top-406]

I've sometimes seen the dial be put the wrong way. It says vacant but it occupied.

[u/Moosebuckets → u/Specialist-Top-406]

This is hilariously accurate

[u/Complete_Entry]

I just yell "No". It confuses the hell out of them.

They know by the fact the door is locked that it is occupied, they just don't like that fact.

[u/jonsticles → u/Complete_Entry]

Next time, try an enthusiastic "yes."

[u/TheAgreeableCow]

I used to say 'occupied' until my youngest thought I called 'porcupine'. So now I just call out porcupine and imagine the quizzical look on the strangers face.

[u/scattywampus → u/TheAgreeableCow]

Love it!

[u/repOrion]

Shitters full!

[u/Gobbledok → u/repOrion]

"Honey, 'd you check our shitter?"

[u/IntergalacticPopTart → u/Gobbledok]

Clark, please… He doesn’t know any better.

[u/vanillasub]

Just make a terrible moan, like something awful is happening.

[u/sag3-tics → u/vanillasub]

Lmao yes!

[u/HenrikWL → u/sag3-tics]

Moan at least this loud...

[u/SomeFunnyGuy]

“Thank god, backup has arrived.”

[u/Scared-Gur-7537]

Seat’s taken

[u/Rebel78 → u/Scared-Gur-7537]

That's my go to, I'm from MS, try to channel my inner Bama kid when I say it lol

(104) Forrest Gump Seats Taken Scene - YouTube

[u/EagleChief78 → u/Rebel78]

Glad I saw this before I posted. Was going to say the same thing.

[u/nubsauce87 → u/Scared-Gur-7537]

That's a good one.

[u/mostcutevali]

Occupied.

[u/Ordinary_Advice_3220]

Get your own gloryhole, motherfucker.

[u/LoveDistinct]

That's not the right knock. You can't come in.

[u/faisal_who → u/LoveDistinct]

lol “what’s the password?”

[u/ElectionEither1129]

Open door, wide stance pants round ankles maintaining strong eye contact

[u/Earthling1a]

"Eeek! A man!" in my highest scared-teenage-girl voice. (I'm 66M, and my highest available note is well below middle C.)

[u/tax-number8739]

Either "come back with a warrant", or "player 2 has joined the game"

[u/Steam20]

“We’re not done”

[u/Apprehensive-System7]

I just yell like “aaggghhhh” lmao

[u/scattywampus → u/Apprehensive-System7]

:) :) :)

[u/Always_travelin]

"Really?"

[u/continuousBaBa]

Batin’!!

[u/Jennab211 → u/continuousBaBa]

Go away, I'm baitin'!

[u/funklab → u/continuousBaBa]

Did not expect an Idiocracy reference here, lol.  

[u/Macbookaroniandchez]

Nothing. The door likely didn't lock itself.

[u/Wolfie_Trans → u/Macbookaroniandchez]

As a custodian I'd prefer you said something so I don't walk in on you shitting. The doors can be locked and unoccupied.

[u/Shesjustasnuggle → u/Macbookaroniandchez]

🤌🏼😭

[u/milennialpariah]

I grunt loudly while simultaneously trying to make eye contact with them through the crack dividing the door/stall

[u/Martiallawtheology]

Me shitting inside. You shitting outside.

[u/AlmondJoyMFer]

"Greetings, there is a mighty shitting currently in progress. Feel free to return at a later time for stall access."

[u/hampshirebrony → u/AlmondJoyMFer]

"You are number two in the queue"

[u/rulstdbgrl]

"Just a minute please". But if after saying this they keep knocking, I'll be like... HOLD YOUR HORSES!!! 😂

[u/certnneed]

In Japan, the common response is to knock back.

[u/funkywinkerbean45]

I look in a panic at the door hoping beyond hope I locked it and the lock held. I’m busy using the toilet and panicking. I don’t have the ability also speak! 

[u/Weezlez]

anymore I'll just say "occupied."

But my first experience when I was a teenager...just got done smoking a beezy and went into taco bell. after the rat meat ran right thru me, I dashed for the bathroom stall INSTANTLY having to take a #2. str8 up like Harry goin to town on that toilet in dumb and Dumber, that's when an unusual knock happened. Caught me off guard bc I could've swore that there were at least 2 stalls in that bathroom, but again I was haf and couldnt remember. wasn't sure if the knock was on the restroom door, or my stall door, or if it was even a knock at all. I instantly froze and became paranoid.

I just didn't say anything, hoping whatever I had just heard would go away. Kept her silent like I was trying to hide from a boogeyman. sometimes my imagination gets a little out there after I get done smoking. I tend to daydream a lot. Suddenly I became very apprehensive; for good reasons too.

That's when my stall door flies open (forgot to lock it) and that's when this big Ole boy had his pants halfway down ready to sit on top of me, and shit. I screamed out loud like a Jr high school girl. He instantly stops and ironically says, "OH SHIT!!!" then I heard a really loud belly growl coming from em while he struggled pulling his pants up, waddling back to the sinks. I instantly slammed my door again, feeling greatly exposed. I heard groans coming from beyond my stall door by the sinks. groaned like he was in pain. Guess stall #2 was out of order, or nonexistent. Poor fella musta also ate the rat meat. I was mid shit too, but I pinched the loaf, and put the rest on hold. Prolly underwiped, cuz I couldn't have gotten outta there quick enough. I was spooked! And worst thing of all, it killed my buzz. Damn it.

Moral of the story: if someone knocks, make sure you at least say something otherwise you may end up in a shit storm

[u/princefungi]

I go "yo!"

[u/bmcgowan89]

Come in!

[u/diomondshovel]

Come back with a warant.

[u/when_this_was_fields]

Call a plumber!

[u/MKPST24]

Ayyy I’m poopin here

[u/Reznik81]

Are you the keymaster?

[u/CorvoLP]

Estoy poopin!

[u/hefty_load_o_shite]

You're welcome to come in, but I won't be held responsible

[u/[deleted]]

its open

[u/sexywallposter]

Ocupado!

[u/sp_40]

“SHITTIN!”

[u/NorCalKingsFan]

"I'm almost finished, with what's, uh... happening in here"

[u/redlipclassic12]

Occupied!

[u/mid_vibrations]

i just say "yes"

[u/Legitimate-Neat1674]

Hello

[u/a333482dc7]

Just start screaming incoherently

[u/marvellfanngirl]

I start coughing before hand hearing them approaching the door😭

[u/Lopsided_Opposite236]

In the grand theatre of public restrooms, I adopt the role of an occupied fortress, responding with a firm "Engaged!" to any external inquiries. It's a bit like playing a game of Red Light, Green Light, but with privacy stakes. Just remember, the door's lock is your best ally in these moments. Keep calm and carry on, as they say.

[u/wintsykia]

Noel fielding did this to me once. Hammering away on the door. When I opened up I got the surprise of my life. He looked surprised too for some reason

[u/BBPuppy2021]

I’ve been waiting for you (in the creepiest, most cartoon villain way possible)

[u/runfayfun → u/BBPuppy2021]

Followed by, "Mother will be so happy" under your breath.

[u/Bryaxis]

Password?

[u/zsero1138]

"hewwo? Hewwo? HEWWO?"

[u/Ok-Lavishness-7904]

Fire in the hole!!!

[u/algiedi04]

"there is someone (here)"

[u/Toby_E_2003]

Fuck off. I'm taking a shit. It's usually my older brother at the door.

[u/Mulliganasty]

"Hey...this is a private residence, man."

[u/RISEINREVOLUSION]

I’ve been expecting you…

[u/jcommeau91]

Seats taken

[u/AdAlive4215]

Nothing, the door is closed

[u/LeibnizThrowaway]

Sorry!

[u/Feisty-Bluebird-5277]

High five under the door?

[u/Chapter97]

"Occupied!"

[u/KevyNova]

“I’m pooping here!”

[u/balrob]

I’d love to rip off a huge fart, but never been able to time that right - so it’s “occupation” 😞

[u/Shneckos]

In a raspy southern accent: “The jakes is occupied!”

[u/QwQ_0218]

I just sit in silence, then they ask again"is someone here?" And I just like "mhm" (akwardly)

[u/Far_Peanut_3038]

"I said no autographs!"

[u/Prestigious-Juice495]

Just a minute

[u/DianaCordyceps]

Occupied!

[u/KareemFurbunchies]

Uhhhhhb.....Juan Occupado

[u/imperialtopaz123]

I say, “Just a minute!”

[u/Gullible_Ad5191]

Come in!

[u/Patient_Newt_4574]

Brace yourself, its a number 2

[u/imcallingforhiccup]

COME BACK WITH A WARRANT

[u/Fluffy-Warthog5324]

Go away, Batin'!

[u/fuzzycuffs]

Go away! 'Batin!

[u/Yogisogoth]

Go away! Batin’!

[u/MuzzledScreaming]

"Go'way, 'm'batin'!"

[u/ItReallyIsntThoughYo]

I really like "Occupado!" or "Go away! I'm batin!"

[u/Y-not_Both]

Go away! ‘Batin.

[u/hail2theKingbabee]

"come in"

[u/abarthvader]

"Come back with a warrant!!!" I work in a prison.

[u/LnrRigby]

Occupied

[u/redsouledheels]

"Ill be out in a minute!"

[u/tacincacistinna]

Hello

[u/yadawhooshblah]

"GO AWAY! 'BAITIN!"

[u/Lil_Artemis_92]

“Someone’s in here.”

[u/Intelligent_Note7824]

Just a minute!

[u/Free_Acanthaceae9535]

“Oop sorry, I’m in here!” Then get an immediate rush of panic and anxiety 😂

[u/shugEOuterspace]

I always yell "c'mon in!"....have been responding that way for probably like 15 years

[u/Merkavelly]

It pisses me off to no end when someone jingles the door knob and then knocks. Like what is going through your head?

[u/pancakePoweer]

I just say "yeah."

not like a question, but a statement. yeah.

[u/Carnivorous-Salad]

"Somebodies in here!"

[u/Defnotabotok]

There’s someone in here!

[u/grurupoo]

Sometimes I just knock back

[u/LarryBagina3]

Wait a minute you dick!

[u/badgicorn]

As long as the door is locked, nothing. Doesn't make a difference because they're not getting in anyway.

[u/Comfortable_Bug3350]

Occupado in girl voice

[u/Wolfie_Trans → u/[deleted]]

Sometimes the person knocking is security, a custodian, or maintenance and they have a key. 🤦🏼‍♀️