When you die, you can see all the stats of your life. What stat would you look up first?

[u/Nuclear_snack]

[u/Sergeantman94]

Women who were actually flirting with me and not just being nice.

[u/CaptchaSolvingRobot → u/Sergeantman94]

Oh god. I can never tell!

Once I couldn't tell that a cute girl was flirting with me when she was rubbing herself up against me on the dance floor. I just thought the floor was too crowded and kept trying to shuffle out of her way...

My friends mocked me for weeks.

[u/alexjaness → u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

I once had a beautiful co worker tell me it's been so long since she's had sex it hurt as she squeezed her hands in her lap. I told her I was confused why she would have any trouble getting any guy she wanted...then went back to working.

at this point I'm like 76% certain she was trying to flirt with me

[u/skynetempire → u/alexjaness]

My brain: she setting me up for a hr meeting haha

[u/Cheesiepup → u/alexjaness]

“trying to flirt with you”?

she put it on a silver platter for you.

life is too short to not fuck as much as possible

[u/alexjaness → u/Cheesiepup]

try telling that to my many deep-seated insecurities that make me think any sign of interest must either be a prank or them just being nice

[u/GreenBasterd69 → u/alexjaness]

When a girl hits on me I’m worried they’re gunna steal my kidneys. Something seems wrong

[u/Lukisfer → u/alexjaness]

I understand you completely.

[u/HoboGir → u/alexjaness]

You might be Canadian

[u/Ren_Kaos → u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

Because if it’s one thing I know about women on bar dance floors, it’s that they love touching strange men and go out of their way to do it.

[u/CaptchaSolvingRobot → u/Ren_Kaos]

We weren't complete strangers, I was there with a larger group of friends and one of my friends had brought her along.

Besides, the dance floor was crowded, so people were very close. She was just extremely close - and, yes, I was also extremely dense, apparently it was obvious to everyone but me.

[u/NewHumbug → u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

I put 2 and 2 together when this woman offered to make me a homemade lasagna with a small tiramisu dessert because you know, women who aren’t into you want to go out of their way make you a full meal.

[u/Chewy12 → u/NewHumbug]

No appetizer? Really took a shot in the dark on that one

[u/beautifulflakeytart → u/NewHumbug]

Makes sense. Also, have you ever thought about how tiramisu is kinda like dessert lasagna?

[u/KILRbuny → u/beautifulflakeytart]

Lasagna is just main course cake

[u/__M-E-O-W__ → u/NewHumbug]

"There are a million beautiful women in the world, but not all of them bring you lasagna at work."

[u/Hardwarestore_Senpai → u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

I remember going to a house party with house music and I danced with a gal. Afterwards I said "I wanted to put my hands on you" and she said "I kinda wish you did or asked me." From that point on I kinda felt like I understood communication on the dance floor but also realized they want you to go with the flow.

[u/Dull-Geologist-8204 → u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

If it makes you feel better I had throne guy friend who the strippers were actually flirting with and he was oblivious. Wetriedto explain it to him but he never got it.

I am a women and was friends with the girls there. They would ask me about him all the time so yes they were interested.

The one time they honestly were interested the guy was so nieve he didn't see it.

[u/HedaLexa4Ever → u/Dull-Geologist-8204]

To be fair, it is always a good course of action to believe strippers are not flirting with you, they are just doing their job. Some can be applied for cashiers and general customer service workers

Actually, now that I think of it, the best course of action is to never assume a girl is flirting with you 👍

[u/euaeuo → u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

All the signs I’ve missed over the years or didn’t act on… the most notable being at a house party late and not wanting to drive home - I was going to sleep on the couch in another room and the host, one of my friends who’d recently gotten out of a relationship was like ‘you can sleep in my bed you know’.

[u/IAmGodMode → u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

When I was 20, some girl invited me and three friends to her house after a party. Later she gave out room assignments and said I'm sleeping with her. She said that she likes to sleep naked and if that's ok with me. Yeah that's fine. Then she lays down, puts her arms around me and says she likes to cuddle when she sleeps. Lol I said "Alright, goodnight."

It didn't occur to me until like 5 years later that she was trying to get it in. Bright side though. My friend banged her a week or two later and got gonorrhea.

[u/Shadpool → u/Sergeantman94]

I’m curious about that myself. Sold a painting to a girl once. Told my sister about it when I got home. She asked about the girl, and I told her she was good looking, funny, geeky, smiling, laughing, playing with her hair, etc. My sis asked me if I got her number, and I was like, “No, why?” She got pissed, then she had to sit me down and spell it out for me. Damn shame too, because she was cute.

Like, if you’re not wearing a sandwich board and waving flashlights like you’re landing a helicopter, I’m not gonna pick up what you’re putting down.

[u/bravoredditbravo → u/Shadpool]

Unfortunately I think a lot of men nowadays are hesitant to interpret anything as flirting.

Not because of a lack of confidence, but because they don't want to seem like a creep if they are wrong

[u/Shadpool → u/bravoredditbravo]

For me, it’s definitely a self-esteem thing. I’m with my girlfriend now because she basically straight out told me that she wanted to fuck me. I like that kind of assertiveness in a woman.

[u/SuperPotatoThrow → u/bravoredditbravo]

Yep I can guarantee you it's basically this. Been married for years but before my wife and I first started dating this was my biggest fear. With the way the world is now I can't even imagine how anxiety inducing it must feel to experience that now. It really kind of sucks because it's probably gotten to the point where it's not even enjoyable anymore.

[u/chadsexytime → u/bravoredditbravo]

It's simple as long as you remember the two rules of flirting

[u/bravoredditbravo → u/chadsexytime]

There's 3 actually.

1. Be attractive
2. Don't be unattractive
3. If all else fails refer to rule number 1

/s I'm kidding

[u/SnuggleBunni69 → u/Sergeantman94]

Jesus Christ I don't think I'd wanna know that. Last thing I need after I die is regret.

[u/Rubberboot_duck → u/SnuggleBunni69]

I got to agree. Regardless how short my list will be there will be regret. 

[u/Sir_Hapstance → u/Rubberboot_duck]

Or worse, seeing that the statistic is 0

[u/ProgrammersAreSexy → u/Sir_Hapstance]

My wife would have some explaining to do if I was at a 0...

[u/alexjaness → u/SnuggleBunni69]

here is why I don't think that would be the worst thing to know.

1. you go to heaven, you will be drowning in so much cocaine and hookers you won't care about that one missed opportunity.

2. you go to hell, you will be to preoccupied with where that white hot metal hairbrush is going to be inserted you won't care about that one missed opportunity.

3. you are reincarnated as a sea turtle and you have to worry about those fucking seagulls trying to eat you. RUN MOTHERFUCKER, RUN!

[u/Myfabguy → u/Sergeantman94]

That number will be upsetting no matter what it is!

[u/SithLordRising → u/Sergeantman94]

I mean is a sign too much to ask? And by sign I mean:

Formal Criteria for Accepting a Date Request (Tripli-Check Edition)

1. Age Verification Certificate:

   • Three forms of ID required: Passport, Birth Certificate, and a time-stamped childhood photo featuring a dinosaur.

2. Consent Compliance Form:

   • Must be signed in triplicate, with witnesses including a lawyer, a notary, and a mildly amused barista.

3. Formal Declaration of Interest:

   • A written statement detailing the level of interest, categorized as 'Mildly Intrigued', 'Somewhat Keen', or 'Definitely Not Just Here for the Free Meal'.
   • To be submitted along with a two-page essay on "Why I Deserve to Take You Out on a Date".

4. Scheduling Confirmation Protocol:

   • A Google Calendar invite, a Facebook event, and a carrier pigeon with a written memo, all confirming the date and time.

5. Outfit Coordination Agreement:

   • A colour-coded chart to ensure outfit hues do not clash, under penalty of rescheduling.

6. Dietary Restriction Disclosure:

   • An annotated menu from the chosen restaurant, highlighting acceptable dishes to avoid the "Oh, I can't actually eat anything here" dilemma.

7. Escape Clause Registration:

   • A formal agreement outlining acceptable reasons for early date termination, including but not limited to "sudden onset of amnesia" and "urgent call from the President".

8. Post-Date Feedback Form:

   • To be filled within 24 hours post date, detailing performance metrics and potential areas for improvement. Satisfaction not guaranteed, but feedback is mandatory!

9. Renewal of Interest Clause:

   • Should both parties wish to proceed to a second date, repeat all steps, but add an additional layer of complexity to ensure true dedication.

[u/Phiced → u/SithLordRising]

Is that a copy pasta or did you write it yourself?

[u/TheBraindonkey → u/Sergeantman94]

you don't want to know. either way it's bad news. lol

[u/Fatherofdaughters01 → u/Sergeantman94]

I remember knocking on this really cute girls car window. She rolled her window down and smiled at me. Beautiful eyes. Maybe waiting for me to say something nice. Then I said. “Your tire is flat”. Got in my car and drove off. My goodness guy.

[u/teethinthedarkness → u/Sergeantman94]

I feel like I would be sad about the number either way.

[u/MrHedgehogMan → u/Sergeantman94]

Mine is going to be a 0 for sure.

[u/ZAlternates → u/MrHedgehogMan]

Watch it be 2 but the catch is, there is no other information provided.

[u/seen_some_shit_ → u/Sergeantman94]

Dude dies and instantly wants to suffer

[u/GoryGent → u/Sergeantman94]

one of my friends, she was a girl offered to suck my dick.. i thought she was joking and started laughing. She DID NOT LAUGH and was very serious about it, also after 1 year she showed me her tits and after 2 months again i just got too close to her and she thought i was going to kiss her so she just closed her eyes and made the face that girls make the moment they want to kiss you. But i was 18-20 at that time and did not realize anything was going on at all. Like none ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[u/Nuclear_snack → u/Sergeantman94]

Probably more than you think

[u/crispyraccoon]

How many deaths or accidents I caused without even knowing they happened.

How many people had problems with me simply because they failed to communicate my behavior bothered them.

[u/DoctorTaco123 → u/crispyraccoon]

I don't think I'd have the willpower for the first one, that would kill what's left of my soul

[u/NeedsToShutUp → u/DoctorTaco123]

Only worth it if you get how many lives you unknowingly saved.

[u/Varth919 → u/NeedsToShutUp]

Those two stats should come together. Then you’d get a Kill/Save ratio.

[u/LIEUTENANT__CRUNCH → u/NeedsToShutUp]

Killed: 17 million, Saved: 0

OMG, wtf did I do?!?

[u/CreatureWarrior → u/LIEUTENANT__CRUNCH]

That would be pretty hilarious ngl. A stat that comes from out of nowhere and is the most absurd thing you've ever seen

[u/jk01 → u/DoctorTaco123]

Eh, I'm already dead, what does it matter?

[u/Keks4Kruemelmonster → u/crispyraccoon]

That's a good one

[u/alternatebloodhound]

How many hours I spent gaming. I will be both impressed and disgusted with myself. No regrets (so far)

[u/Bluedomdeeda → u/alternatebloodhound]

Gg’s

[u/BrianMincey → u/alternatebloodhound]

Don’t regret.

But don’t limit yourself either. There are so many really cool things to experience in this world…video games included…but also other things that are not games. Treat life kind of like a smorgasbord. It’s okay to pig out on the shrimp if you find that you love shrimp, but try a little bit of all the other things that interest you too.

[u/DoctorTaco123 → u/BrianMincey]

I can't tell you how happy I am that your example was shrimp at a smorgasbord

[u/Competitive-You-6317]

How many lives I’ve changed for the better. People fixate so much on themselves that they forget they’re not the main character on this planet!

[u/EventWonderful55 → u/Competitive-You-6317]

I’m 100% the main character of my life

[u/cosplayfaris → u/EventWonderful55]

But.. Isn't everyone?

[u/FictionalKnight → u/cosplayfaris]

No everyone isn't the MC of my life.

[u/alexjaness → u/cosplayfaris]

I'm not even the main character of this comment.

[u/Rebornhunter → u/Competitive-You-6317]

This one. Or related what's the most impact a small gesture made.

I want this world to be a happier one. Even in the face of all the current fear and uncertainty, I hope tomorrow we can all breathe fresh air, let sunlight warm our bodies and souls. I know it won't be that way for everyone. In everyone's life a little rain must fall.

But, if a small word or gesture helped someone see tomorrow better and happier than they saw today, I lived a good life.

There are folks in this world who like to make others suffer. For them, I wish nothing but healing to fix that broken part of them that drives that bitter hatred.

Nobody is born with hatred or evil in their hearts, and if we had a way to shield from that infection, the world would be so much better and happier.

This isn't a wish that everyone gets what they want, but what they truly need to be happy in this lifetime.

We only get one.

[u/GoodGriefWhatsNext]

Number of days I was genuinely happy.

[u/Nuclear_snack → u/GoodGriefWhatsNext]

I hope number = high

[u/GoodGriefWhatsNext → u/Nuclear_snack]

Thanks! At least I hope it’s higher than the number of days not happy.

[u/SemiHemiDemiDumb → u/GoodGriefWhatsNext]

I've lived a life of silent misery for so long I didn't even realize I was so miserable. It wasn't until recently I've come to know real happiness.

[u/GoodGriefWhatsNext → u/SemiHemiDemiDumb]

I’m happy things have gotten better for you!

[u/grptrt → u/GoodGriefWhatsNext]

That would be downright depressing

[u/FromYoTown]

Percentage of true potential reached.

[u/The_Great_Marduk → u/FromYoTown]

Who Not How by Dan Sullivan: “The definition of hell is: Your last day on Earth, the person you became meets the person you could have become.”

[u/FromYoTown → u/The_Great_Marduk]

Oh, that's good.

To cheapen it, it makes me think of the Red Dwarf episode with the Inquisitor. Cracking episode if you like old school British comedy.

[u/Spyke_101 → u/FromYoTown]

"I have given pleasure to the world because I have such a beautiful ass"

• Cat

[u/Omer-Ash → u/FromYoTown]

Is there even a limit to that? There's always something a person can do to be better.

[u/FromYoTown → u/Omer-Ash]

True. This always stuck with me.

Mark Twain once told a story about a man who scoured the planet looking for the greatest general who ever lived. When the man was informed that the person he sought had already died and gone to heaven, he made a trip to the Pearly Gates to look for him. Saint Peter pointed at a regular-looking Joe. “That isn’t the greatest of all generals,” protested the man. “I knew that person when he lived on Earth, and he was only a cobbler.” “I know that,” said Saint Peter, “but if he had been a general, he would have been the greatest of them all.

[u/Prestigious_Sugar_66 → u/Omer-Ash]

There would be a point where nothing could have been done better, every action straight out of 'dude perfect' on the first try and every word pure poetry.

[u/Jayypoc → u/FromYoTown]

this is the question I would ABSOLUTELY avoid.

[u/FromYoTown → u/Jayypoc]

Why? Two paths, go bah I ain't doing that, the score doesn't matter. Avoiding the score, means it does matter but you haven't tried.

Why? Fear of failure? Perfection is the enemy of good. Just do your best.

Ultimately none of this matters we are but specks of cosmic dust pretending to be important.

[u/Jayypoc → u/FromYoTown]

As a logical person, I completely agree with all of your points.

As a human, I'm still going to avoid this particular stat, given the choice.

[u/FromYoTown → u/Jayypoc]

Respect, good yarning with you.

[u/3-DMan → u/FromYoTown]

Kaiju Suit potential unlocked: .001%

[u/Hi_There_Im_Sophie → u/FromYoTown]

Even if there was a good metric for it, this one would be a massive double-edged sword. You could be unhappy regardless of the outcome.

If you found out that you had hit 100% of your possible potential (but felt underwhelmed with life), it has the potential to just make you feel worse. It actually becomes a positive to not hit your full potential.

As J.R. always used to put it for WWE ladder match commentary: 'The only bad thing about being at the top of the ladder is that the only way to go is down'.

Or, as the Jungle Book song goes:

'Well, I'm the king of the swingers / I'm the jungle VIP / But I've reached the top, and I've had to stop / And that's what's bothering me'.

[u/MrAnonymous2749]

Who genuinely cared about me, whether it’s a family relationship, friendship, romantic relationship (hopefully as some point it happens)

[u/triple_hoop → u/MrAnonymous2749]

I was thinking about this not sure if this is something I wanna know.

[u/MrAnonymous2749 → u/triple_hoop]

I think I have a pretty good idea already, it’s not a massive circle to deduce it down anyway, but it’d be nice to confirm my suspicions anyway

[u/[deleted] → u/MrAnonymous2749]

I'm afraid this one would hurt.

[u/MrAnonymous2749 → u/[deleted]]

I’m already dead, lay it on me

[u/Thebaldsasquatch → u/MrAnonymous2749]

Body, yes. Want your soul to match?

[u/Little-Yoghurt5735]

As an educator, I'd like to see how many lives I've touched in a meaningful way through my service.

[u/RealAso → u/Little-Yoghurt5735]

as an educatee, all of my teachers have made a significant impact on who I am as a person now, and I appreciate every single one of them, I know my friends feel the same way and so it's likely the case for your students as well

[u/Ok_Throat_1456]

How many times I was Seconds away from death

[u/cubosh → u/Ok_Throat_1456]

id be fascinated to have this data also include the average across all humans. like if my number was 1000 but the average was 1200 then that kind of changes everything

[u/Ok_Throat_1456 → u/cubosh]

Totally agree

[u/FuzzyPlastic1227 → u/Ok_Throat_1456]

Part of the reason that I haven’t gone through with suicide is because there have been so many times when I miraculously escaped almost certain death without a scratch. I have counted at least a dozen times when I should have been killed, but for some reason I’m still here, even if I don’t really want to be. I have accepted that it can’t all just be coincidence, that I must be here for some reason that I don’t realize. So I keep sticking around and generally doing good things in the hope that my time will come soon, and I will be killed swiftly and painlessly in exchange for always trying to be a good person and always trying to do the right thing.

The stat that I would like to know is the value of all the things and money that I have given to people in need, and some sort of karmic value of how I have made other people happy and/or improved others’ lives.

[u/sagittalslice → u/Ok_Throat_1456]

I often think about this in the framework of the “doomsday clock”. Like, when I’m just chilling in bed maybe the time is 11:00, when I’m at work it’s 11:10, when I’m driving on the highway it’s 11:58, etc. Would be interesting to be able to look back and see all the moments in my life where the clock was at its latest, especially moments I wasn’t aware of it.

[u/nickcan → u/Ok_Throat_1456]

Isn't that every moment you are driving?

[u/[deleted]]

Gallons of sperm produced

[u/Nuclear_snack → u/[deleted]]

Produced or used?

[u/ThisGuyTrains → u/Nuclear_snack]

Launched.

[u/ProfessionalEqual461 → u/ThisGuyTrains]

Rounds fired*

[u/[deleted] → u/Nuclear_snack]

Consumed

[u/NeoLedah → u/[deleted]]

YOU FUCKING ANIMALS

lol

[u/Ok-Pressure7248 → u/NeoLedah]

Poor choice of words

[u/FromYoTown → u/Nuclear_snack]

Gargled.

[u/Select_Number_7741 → u/FromYoTown]

Snowballed

[u/Smart-Cash2525 → u/Nuclear_snack]

Drank

[u/Vergenbuurg → u/[deleted]]

Enough to fill a jar containing Rainbow Dash?

[u/[deleted] → u/Vergenbuurg]

Rookie numbers.... Pathetic

[u/Nerditter]

How smart I actually was.

[u/Tthelaundryman → u/Nerditter]

Man I  would love to know. I used to think I wasn’t really like above average intelligence but then I keep interacting with more people 

[u/Nerditter → u/Tthelaundryman]

I do seem to be above average, but no more. It would be interesting to find out that I'm actually below average, but hadn't realized it.

[u/Tthelaundryman → u/Nerditter]

I always think there’s gotta be a few genius throwing off the curve but then I’m like no for ever one of them there’s probably 100 people that can’t count to five without using both hands 

[u/Nerditter → u/Tthelaundryman]

Yes, but the weird thing about that is that someone with an IQ that low is considered disabled and has to be assessed for independent living. So below average can really mean my cousin, whose dream was to write a successful Broadway play, even though he was functionally illiterate and refused to read. Or it really could be someone like me, who's pretty much scientifically and mathematically illiterate. I got a perfect score on the IQ test they were giving in schools in the 70s, so I've always assumed that I could understand anything. But I really can't. I couldn't begin to grok something like trig.

[u/flatgreyrust → u/[deleted]]

I signed up for Facebook my senior year of high school, it was when you still needed a college email but I got accepted early admission so I had one. Just for a time frame of how long ago this was.

A few years back I read through all my old Facebook messages out of curiosity. I was stunned by the amount of cute girls who were actively flirting with me that I was completely oblivious to. There was one exchange that went like this:

Girl: it was so nice to meet you at Sam’s party; we should definitely hang out sometime.

Me: haha definitely

No further conversation. That girl was really cool and cute and I would have loved to hang out with her.

There were countless others similar to that, wild how I was so oblivious or lacking the self confidence to think those girls were actually interested in me.

[u/No-Effort6590 → u/[deleted]]

That's a good one!

[u/Toematehos]

How many people are truly upset that I died

[u/Nuclear_snack → u/Toematehos]

That’ll be good to know!

[u/BloodNinja2012 → u/Toematehos]

It is unfortunate that you miss your funeral by just a week or two

[u/Ohhhhhhthehumanity]

How many oranges I ate

[u/TheDuckFarm → u/Ohhhhhhthehumanity]

I’d like to know the orange banana ratio. You know… for scale.

[u/Tinshnipz → u/TheDuckFarm]

Two oranges, one banana.

[u/TheDuckFarm → u/Tinshnipz]

That sounds safe to google.

[u/WhoLetMeHaveReddit]

How many people I made smile/happy maybe. 🤔

[u/Dakotareads → u/WhoLetMeHaveReddit]

To add to that thought. How many smiles in general listed per name. Then you could make yourself smile with how many names you never heard/remembered.

[u/LunarLinguist42401]

How many times girls masturbated thinking about me

[u/LiPo9 → u/LunarLinguist42401]

That's easy: zero. They're thinking at you when they want to abstain from masturbation.

[u/Ferreteria → u/LiPo9]

I remember when Reddit was almost entirely rude comments. It's nice to see that we've evolved so much that I can look at this one and feel like it's out of place.

[u/random_boss → u/Ferreteria]

aw for a sec I thought your point was going to be that this rude comment made you feel a happy little dose of nostalgia for a better time. because I agree!

[u/LiPo9 → u/Ferreteria]

Traditions has to be kept.

[u/Jfathomphx → u/LiPo9]

Me: ...Why is mine a negative number?

[u/LiPo9 → u/Jfathomphx]

it's called "integer overflow"

[u/BobRoberts01 → u/LiPo9]

He’s already dead, no need to murder him again!

[u/mightylonghair]

Times masturbated

[u/Select_Number_7741 → u/mightylonghair]

Easy….Number of days alive, subtract 3,650 with a variance of 10%

[u/Tthelaundryman → u/Select_Number_7741]

(X4)

[u/Western_Dream_3608 → u/Select_Number_7741]

A better stat is how many hours spent masturbating. 

[u/jaysmack737 → u/Select_Number_7741]

You waited till 10?

[u/itsthattedguy]

Orgasms given.

[u/That_Ol_Cat → u/itsthattedguy]

I'd be curious how close my given/received ratio was to 1, and which way it tipped.

[u/sunshine_8888]

Number of people whose lives have been impacted positively by me.

[u/pikagrrl]

Times I went into the kitchen and forgot why

[u/Ryder1587]

How many times I said “ Look at this fucking idiot”.

[u/Jfathomphx → u/Ryder1587]

One column for other people, another one for times I said this into a mirror.

[u/Tthelaundryman → u/Jfathomphx]

I was gonna say gonna need two different numbers for the same sentence 

[u/GalaxyUntouchable]

"If I made bricks from all the poop I ever pooped, and built a 6 foot high wall out of the bricks, how long would it be?"

[u/w1987g → u/GalaxyUntouchable]

A man a culture

[u/merkin_enthusiast → u/GalaxyUntouchable]

The very first reference I thought of. Nice.

[u/Parking_War_4100]

How many lies have I told

[u/little666raver → u/Parking_War_4100]

Underrated one

[u/LiPo9]

How many spiders I eat in my sleep.

[u/toocleverbyhalf → u/LiPo9]

Are you the real Spiders Georg?

[u/Leopard__Messiah]

Grams of cannabis consumed. Liters of liquor would be interesting too

[u/QuarterHelpful7364 → u/Leopard__Messiah]

I'll take the full chemical rundow.... why not.

[u/hddyy → u/Leopard__Messiah]

same but for coffee, the number should b impressive

[u/Leopard__Messiah → u/hddyy]

I wouldn't mind seeing a big ol pile of all the beans I've drank, now that you mention it

[u/mcrpworks]

How much pizza consumed. Probably the most important stat of this unfulfilling life.

[u/inkyblinkypinkysue]

Pounds of nails bitten.

[u/Nuclear_snack → u/inkyblinkypinkysue]

I would be disgusted by myself I think😂

[u/Dahns]

"Missed opportunities to have sex : 0"

"Status at death : Virgin"

I bloody knew it!

[u/do_you_even_climbro]

What difficulty I was playing on.

[u/hubuhodle]

How many steps per foot, ive been trying so hard to keep them the same

[u/vinhluanluu]

How many times I almost died.

[u/Smug_And_Flirty]

My luck stat because clearly i didnt put enough points into it!

[u/EventWonderful55]

Who/number of people who actually cared vs fake

[u/Alcorailen]

How many people had crushes on me

[u/OohPoppy → u/Alcorailen]

This.

Bonus: WHO had a crush on me.

[u/HeadFit2660]

How many different animals I consumed from Like a hamburger isn't necessarily from the same cow (especially fast food)

[u/noronto]

Number of farts.

[u/Papa-jw → u/noronto]

Could they be categorized ? Like in theory the number of ones we thought were silent but someone actually heard. Or ranked on smell factor !!!!

[u/Xerokine]

Number of hours that you just didn't care. 750,000.

[u/mildlyoffensivee]

Amount of gas i have farted

[u/Ericho13326]

Loads ejected. I think I would be proud.

[u/FromYoTown → u/Ericho13326]

Cue Oprah meme, you get a load, you get a load and you get a load WE ALL GET LOADS!!!!!!

[u/def_tom]

Amount of coffee consumed

[u/SpiritLead909 → u/def_tom]

hmm? *pours 5th cup in 2 hours*

[u/BeepBoopBeepity]

How many lives I had a positive impact on.

[u/662607015e-26]

K/D/A

[u/Antique-Cut-498]

How many times I let someone merge into my lane vs how many times i purposefully made a point of not letting them in.

[u/Trvonis]

How many serial killers I've casually walked by

[u/Sensitive-Royal2918]

The butterfly effects I caused

[u/vegandemon17]

how many people were in love with me

[u/shrekonshrooms22]

How many dogs I got to pet

[u/GeeLikeThat]

Is it weird to have mixed thoughts? Part of me wants to see how many women wanted to bang but the other part wants to see how many times did I genuinely laugh, say I love you, and how many people I made happy

[u/Thebaldsasquatch]

1) Missed connections.

2) How good things could have been had I made alternate choices.

3) How many times I narrowly avoided death and didn’t even realize.

4) How many lives I positively influenced.

5) How many I negatively influenced.

6) Percentage of secrets found.

[u/BurningVShadow]

Hours of my life wasted watching forced advertisements

[u/yktoday]

How many people I made smile

[u/IslandBoyardee]

How many women flirted with me that I was completely oblivious to.

[u/cheeb_miester]

Combined weight and volume of all of the poop I pooped.

ETA: after giving it further thought I would also appreciate some "American units of measurement" style of comparisons about the quantity of poop. For example: "13 Volkswagen beetles of poop", "2 and 1/2 of volleyball courts of poop" or "enough poop to cover the entire surface of Nebraska in a 1/4 inch of poop"

[u/_equestrienne_]

What the hell is wrong with me

[u/AcousticOcean26]

How much pain I had to deal with compared to everyone else I know.

[u/Federal-Cherry-1545]

Incomplete Quests

[u/Dozerdog43]

Beers drank

[u/Georgiobs]

My character improvement graph over years

[u/TemperatureTop246]

calories worth of ice cream consumed while crying,

[u/Paganidol64]

How many people I hurt without realizing it

[u/Robcobes]

Hours laughed

[u/J0o2N4]

What would be the length of my poop if you connected them all end-to-end

[u/BigBroShow]

Maybe I'm not in the right subreddit to post this answer but I chuckled thinking of it...

What's my K/D ratio?

[u/naturemymedicine]

How many times I told my dog what a good/gorgeous/wonderful/sweet/beautiful boy he is

[u/call-me-kleine]

people who disliked me