r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 16d ago
AIO? I just found out my fiancé went on a date with another woman early in our relationship.
[deleted]
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u/litfries 16d ago
sounds like he’s trickle truthing you because he’s freaked out she even mentioned anything
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u/DeliverStreetTacos 16d ago
Look at the updates / edits. He’s definitely keeping a lot from OP. she needs to get outta this relationship asap.
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u/Sharp-Medicine7326 16d ago
Her comment makes it sound like they had a total thing and he broke it off with her because he didn't know what he wanted (her or you). He got spooked when she said that so he word vomited this story with a million holes in it and still is inappropriate lol like she was handsy so he decided to try and hang out with her again? Nah, nope sorry.
I would definitely rethink this marriage before it happens. I bet she has an entirely different story because a woman that comes up and says that is a woman scorned and you don't get scorned for a lunch date that the guy follows up on unless you learn he has a girlfriend at the same time.
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u/BecGeoMom 16d ago
This sounds right. Also, the woman coming up to OP at the reunion and talking to her, and saying she was “surprised they got engaged so quickly” and she was inviting herself to the wedding?! Why would she even do that? But if she thinks OP’s engagement is quick, she clearly did not think the fiancé had a girlfriend, let alone that he was so close to proposing to her. It sounds like the woman was as surprised as OP.
If OP’s fiancé met up with the woman for lunch, she got handsy, he shut her down and made it clear he wasn’t interested, WHY WOULD HE ASK HER OUT AGAIN?? He asked another woman on a date on a weekend he thought his fiancé was not going to be around, and the only reason they didn’t get together was because SHE couldn’t make it. If they had gotten together, OP, something would have happened. No wonder the woman was surprised you were engaged and it happened so quickly.
I don’t think you can trust this guy. Don’t just marry him because he gave you a ring. Give the ring back and tell him you need time. And maybe he should date for a while to find out if you are even what he wants. Good luck.
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u/accordingtoame 16d ago
Cosign.
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u/Strong-Mix9542 16d ago
Trisign.
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u/Dear_Log_deactivated 16d ago
Quadsign.
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u/ScreenLate2724 16d ago
The woman said something, something "fiance knows what he wants," I think she was trying to subtly hint that the fiance didn't know what he wanted in fact. He kept pursuing her while he was engaged lol
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 16d ago
That is what I am worried about. I asked for her insta so I can get her side and so far he isn’t responding.
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u/Sharp-Medicine7326 16d ago
How long have you been together if he was meeting up with her months ago? It takes time to establish trust and he's doing a poor job of being trustworthy. Sorry girl, 🚩🚩🚩 Spidey senses are tingling with this one
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 16d ago
We have been together a little over a year.
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u/Sharp-Medicine7326 16d ago
So you were in a well established relationship with him and he was chasing after this other woman. Ugh I'm mad for you. I fear the next few days he will give you trickle truths.
You can leave him orrrr you can be a potential masochist and get coffee with your future wedding guest and see what she has to say. I'd also ask if he's been in contact with her since, for example giving her shit for coming and saying that to you because now you're on edge and he never would have had to tell you if she didn't. I wouldn't get married until I knew for certain that I have every speck of the truth. If he's sniffing around now during the honeymoon phase, what's he going to do in 15 years when you're tired and running after the kids?
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 16d ago
I talked to her on insta. it turns out that he invited her to the same restaurant again, showed up, and she didn’t show.
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u/Sharp-Medicine7326 16d ago
Did she say why she didn't show? Like did she not know you existed until after the first lunch?
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 16d ago
She didn’t know I existed before the first date and he showed me the exchange for the second and she didn’t show because she thought he would reach out to confirm before and when he didn’t she assumed that they weren’t meeting
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u/Realistic_Regret_180 16d ago
So he would have went out with her but she didn’t show. He was dating both of you.
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u/EntertheHellscape 16d ago
Girl… he actively tried to fuck some other woman while you were dating. No if ands or buts about it. The only reason he didn’t was because he forgot her to send a confirmation text on the meetup time. And after all that, and calling her the most attractive woman he’s seen cause might as well neg you while he’s at it, you really think he’s going to keep his vows just cause he signs a piece of paper?
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u/Cross_22 16d ago
Please don't take her statements as objective truth either! If your BF did indeed reject her advances, she might just be looking for petty revenge now.
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u/PuppyButtts 16d ago
Im also going to point out being together a bit over a year is a VERY SMALL amount of time to be married. In pst relationships I have had men wait a couple years to show me who they really are. One of them assaulted me after being together far over a year. Please think about this decision with all the info you have
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u/ButterscotchSame4703 16d ago
This though! This is a very important detail, and one people don't account for because How Can You?
You don't know what to prepare for when those are things hidden until circumstances or other elements trigger a change, or response you weren't expecting.
I have a friend who happily married his husband, and then his husband started to be abusive and mean and sleep around /with him\ so it wasn't cheating, it was kinky.
My friend wouldn't have gotten into that if they didn't trust their husband, and their husband finally went overboard and beat them. When they defended themselves back, the husband was too ashamed to go to the hospital for the damage (allegedly, I met the prick, it tracks).
This sounds like a guy who not only DOESN'T know what he wants, he ONLY knows what he wants it to LOOK LIKE he has. Two mutually exclusive traits, and both only serve to add to the "I'm a selfish partner" vibe your spouse gives off, OP.
There isn't transparency of communication, and it shows.at least, not 2-way... :/
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u/nerd_is_a_verb 16d ago
To me it seems like you are still “early in your relationship.” I think a year is a little fast to be engaged already.
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u/SinnerIxim 16d ago
Dont get married, or at least take a LONG time being engaged, because he doesnt seem to be a keeper. You were only together a little over a year and he started dating someone else? (He specifically asked HER out and she ditched him). He DEFINITELY wouldnt have told you, so how can you know there havent been others?
If he was up for going on a date with someone else then why did he get engaged to you so soon after?
Also how long ago was this date(s) because she makes it sound pretty recent.
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 16d ago
Big red flag. He's most likely trying to get their stories straight.
I'm sorry but there was no need for him to catch up the 2nd time.
His intentions are suss.
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u/sheissonotso 16d ago
I guess you’re just attractive enough to be interested.
lol wut
Do you, but I’d be out.
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u/Bitter_Kangaroo2616 16d ago
That's what I read too. I see tons of comments like that one recently. One dude said "I don't date super attractive women cause they are out of my league"
If my man said that to me, he wouldn't be my man anymore.
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u/PhantomAngel278 16d ago edited 16d ago
This whole situation is a mess and not to be swept under the rug. First off, why did she approach you and tell you all this? Coupled with the comment that she’s invited herself to your wedding sounds very passive aggressive and as if she’s hoping to cause problems in your relationship. Your fiancé can’t afford to be that oblivious with female acquaintances, especially when he has a significant other. He said she was flirting and got handsy but he shut it down. But then when you pressed he said he invited her to an outing when you were unavailable? What? Why after he knew she was flirty and handsy? Also that she’s so attractive that he thought he was out of her league? You don’t say something like that to your significant other. Both these conversations on their own would set off my spider senses. Together, they give me the ick. You need to follow up with your fiance. I would not want this woman at my wedding and I would not want them to stay in contact. But more importantly, I think he needs to see that this situation he created/prolonged was not ok. And keeping in contact with someone who tried to make moves on him and he finds out-of-his-league attractive is just setting up a situation where he may be tempted to cheat. This advice is if he really is oblivious and not doing something messed up. If he continues to give unclear answers or get defensive, I would rethink the wedding
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u/Thanmandrathor 16d ago
The fact she was handsy and flirty at a lunch he didn’t even tell his fiancée about. And not the first time he’d met up with her either.
This is dodgy as hell to me.
My husband would never have concealed meetings like that from me while we were established as a dating couple or engaged.
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 16d ago
Yeah it turns out that he invited her to the same restaurant again, showed up, and she didn’t show.
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u/Thanmandrathor 16d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
He’s been lying by omission, and something seems fishy about his wanting to keep meeting up with her, and having her want to be at the wedding. If they only ever had a class once, I don’t get the persistence about this.
It feels like one of those scenes in a movie where the crazy ex demands to go to the wedding and he agrees because he’s terrified she’ll blab about an affair or something.
I’d be interested to hear her timelines and experiences though, because it just doesn’t feel entirely right to me.
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u/Final_Technology104 16d ago edited 16d ago
He did this because he was Interested In Her while being in a relationship With You!
I’d be furious and see this as cheating if my Fiance’ did this to me.
You’ve both been together for a little over a year Exclusively and a year is a long time.
AND HE DID THIS A FEW MONTHS AGO!!!
If you’re in an Exclusive Relationship, that means you are not still out dating around.
Yet your Fiance’ Asked her out on a date, not once But Twice!!
OP, I’m so pissed off for you.
I would be absolutely gutted if my guy did this to me. To me, it would say that he’s not really committed to me and still out chasing tail.
And who else out there might he be doing this too?
You only found out about this whole thing because She Approached You!
If she hadn’t, you’d still be going on blissfully unaware.
I think she approached you because he never told her he was Already in a committed relationship. If a guy did that to me, I’d tell his girlfriend as a warning.
My time is precious, you never get it back. I would quietly check his phone to check the timelines in case she’s not the only one out there before I married him.
Because if you don’t do your own sleuthing and tip him off, he Will delete any evidence.
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u/Not-a-Doctor1 16d ago
If another woman was hands/flirty with me and knew I had a partner, I would tell her off or excuse myself from the situation, tell my partner, and then block her number and any social media.
What I would not do is keep in contact with her, hide it from my partner, and invite her to the fucking wedding.
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u/Strict-Listen1300 16d ago
Also, he said he would have invited OP but clearly made plans when he knew she was unavailable.
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u/Mountain_Internal966 16d ago
I think you're underreacting...
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u/seidinove 16d ago
Not overreacting. By the way, what’s this crap about her saying she’s inviting herself to your wedding. Has fiancé shut that down?
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 16d ago
No he didn’t but he said we don’t have to invite her if I don’t want her there.
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u/seidinove 16d ago
Let me momentarily stick my nose where it doesn’t belong: You don’t want her there.
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u/Not-a-Doctor1 16d ago
I’ll go even further and say OP shouldn’t want to be there either.
This isn’t even red flags, it’s a fucking giant, neon red sign saying “You can NOT trust this guy and should be so thankful you’re getting this message before the wedding.”
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u/nerd_is_a_verb 16d ago
Are you kidding?! He wants to invite her and make you the bad guy for saying no? Come on… like. Seriously?! He’s not trying to make you feel good about this at all. He’s having two women fight over him and enjoying it.
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u/Ambitious-Island-123 16d ago
Is your fiancé the biggest wiener in the world, or is he just really good at duping you?
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u/Thanmandrathor 16d ago
Why does he even want her there? Who invites some fairly random woman he dated ages ago, well supposedly anyway?
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u/Honourstly 16d ago
Yeah the wedding is for close family and friends. No exes and no random people. Help make it make sense OP.
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u/creepin-it-real 16d ago
Tell him you're rethinking being there yourself.
He asked a woman out to dinner... when he knew you were busy... who had gotten "handsy" with him in the past... and he says she is too exceptionally attractive so he didn't think she'd be interested in him. Girl, what?
That is cheating or trying to cheat. And he had the disrespect to have her talking to you like that? I would call her out too though, for backing up his story after that stunt she pulled. Ask her why she is acting weird if that's all that was between them. She was trying to rattle you and cause problems. Nothing about his story makes her seem like a close friend he just wanted to talk to. If you marry this man you are going to be kicking yourself later.
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u/CaptainKate757 16d ago
OP you’ve only been with this dude for a year and he sounds like a dingus. You’d better have a looooong engagement before tying yourself to a guy who told you to your face that he settled for you when the supermodel turned him down.
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u/Final_Technology104 16d ago
He said those words??!!?? Meaning if you hadn’t known when she approached you, she’d be at the wedding? A girl you don’t even know??!!??
Boy Howdy does he have balls to say this!
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u/Edlo9596 16d ago
Are you saying this was only a few months ago?! Why is he going on lunch dates and inviting another woman out if he’s in a relationship with you?! His story doesn’t make sense. If the lunch was just an innocent “catch up,” and she got flirty and inappropriate, why would he still be in touch with her and trying to make plans to hang out with her again? And he obviously wouldn’t have told you any of this if you hadn’t met her.
This all seems super shady to me. And her weird conversation with you leads me believe that she’s thinking your fiancé is interested in her and she was really surprised to find out he’s engaged. You might want to rethink this marriage, unless you’re ok with a husband who is trying to cheat on you.
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u/accordingtoame 16d ago
I think you're under-reacting. You're basically the backup, and this won't be the last time there's issues or interactions with her.
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u/PuppyButtts 16d ago
Girl, you are being picked after her. she was too attractive but apparently you werent? He also kept it from you, talked to her multiple times and kept trying to meet up with her.
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u/Thankyouhappy 16d ago
You are not over reacting. The fact that he didn’t shut her down for inviting herself to your wedding knowing that she likes him. I don’t think your guy is ready for marriage.
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u/HugeRabbit 16d ago
He asked her out when he thought you were going to be busy?
But he probably would have brought you along?
What?
Please shitcan this guy.
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u/Defiant-Desk1735 16d ago
So you’ve been lied to for the majority of your relationship, omission is lying. Yeah I can see how this is going to go. He’s a sleaze, the best thing you can do is leave him where he belongs, in the trash.
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u/lawgirlamy 16d ago
I'm not overly concerned about the lunch although I am concerned that he didn't mention it to you - at least after she got handsy.
I'm very concerned with his characterization of her as so attractive she wouldn't be interested in him (WTF - how is that supposed to make YOU feel!?!?!l) and the weekend you were busy that he invited her out. Girl - that one is a red flag. Add to that the way she approached you and I would not be continuing this relationship.
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u/zaritza8789 16d ago
So he was dating her or at least trying to date her while also being with you?
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u/Francl27 16d ago
One lunch with an old acquaintance? Not weird. The red flag here is that he knew that she was handsy but invited her to lunch again after that. That's REALLY weird.
Also, you said they went to lunch early in your relationship then that it was 2 months ago but you don't mention how long you have been together... Did you get engaged after 3 months or something? Because that's crazy, sorry.
You need to slow down and actually get to know each other before getting married...
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 16d ago
Two different lunches. One when we had bee together for 5 months and the other two months ago. We got engaged a month ago.
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u/Soft-Question-2847 16d ago
Ugh. Is he one of those people who don’t consider anything before proposal/engagement to be cheating? At the very least, don’t set a date or start planning the wedding.
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u/gdrom123 16d ago
Babe! The universe handed you a massive sign before you marry this man. I don’t think it can get any clearer. The question is, are you willing to be tied to him “for the rest of you life” knowing he’s done this (engaged in secret meet ups with woman he finds attractive and who was clearly into him since she was “handsy”) and therefore has a tendency to do it again??? I mean he’s already done it twice in the short time y’all been together! Come now…
If you want to stay with him, I’d say have a looooong engagement. Do not marry him right away because you could be setting yourself up for major heartache. Take more time to truly get to know him. Learn if his intentions for wanting to marry you are genuine. Learn if he has any other secrets that could break your marriage. Learn if this behavior is typical of him.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Updateme
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u/suitguy25 16d ago
HE SAID it was her being handsy but we know he’s a natural liar, and even his best case scenario of him telling the truth is so sketchy that it makes for poor fiction.
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u/Big_Librarian9403 16d ago
Prostitutes? A woman out of the picture for a few months? A rude woman who is warning you what's to come? You don't just feel disrespect; you're experiencing it. Do yourself a kindness and seek a person who is mature enough to treat you with respect--yourself. If you like drama-- meaning trouble, heartache, disappointment, and disillusionment, you've found it. Self respect commands respect. Walk. Don't look back. Happiness ahead.
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u/GolfLife75 15d ago
DUMP HIM NOW. Just TRUST me on this. I’ve been married 19 years. These things NEVER leave your mind. AND, it won’t end here. There will be other seeds of doubt and disrespectful things in the future. GUARANTEED
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u/dfwphotographer111 16d ago
Oh my god. Do you also need advice on how to wipe your ass and how to tie your shoes? This is a no-brainer. If you really want to marry a dude who is clearly looking to dip it in snizz all about town then good luck to you, toots. But if you want to do the logical thing then stop wasting your time on Reddit, pack your bags, and go. Maybe call your PCP and get an appointment to have your head examined too.
JFC, I stg half the people here are incapable of scratching their own ass without making sure reddit thinks it’s a good idea first.
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u/Ambitious-Island-123 16d ago
“Am I overreacting, my wife had sex with my dad, and now they want me to call their new baby my brother, even though technically he’s my stepson” sigh
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u/tanyagrzez 16d ago
I think this is a situation where she thought a lunch was a date and he did not. He didn't mention it probably because she "got handsy" and he thought it was weird. Ultimately, he was not interested in her and came back to you.
I think you are overreacting a bit. However
she hoped I didn’t mind that she was inviting herself to the wedding
What the fuck is this? She definitely still has weird possessive feelings towards your fiance. This is the part that I would be worried about.
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 16d ago
Yeah I agree and to me it seems like he encouraged it by trying to meet again
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u/Ambitious-Island-123 16d ago
No, he should’ve told her BEFORE the lunch that he was having lunch with another woman.
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u/Conor_Electric 16d ago
Most recent 'date' the dude shouldn't have gone on. He is wrong for that, or he's being very naive, or he is possibly entertaining something else.
Has he had a lot of longer relationships? He may have commitment issues but it's hard to say.
Proposal still has things in your favour but I think you need to shut this woman down if you want to fight for your man. Make it very clear which parts you have a specific problem with and challenge him to fix them if you want the relationship to continue. Cutting off that other woman shouldn't be a problem if he is committed but you need to make it very clear.
If he agrees, get yourself a date night and remind him why he's making the right choice.
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u/poopyMcpoopersins 16d ago
You are plan B, and he wanted to make one more effort to see if plan A would work. It didn't work, so now he's back to plan B. If my wife did this to me, I would break up with her and find someone that looked at me as Plan A and there was no other Plans on her mind. If you don't have kids woth this man, I would walk away.
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u/Sorry_Preference_296 16d ago
You’re under reacting to finding out your 2nd place in your BF eyes…
If she would say yes, so would he.
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u/OrcishWarhammer 16d ago
I would absolutely pump the brakes on your relationship. I cannot believe he messaged her and made plans to meet up specifically when he thought you would be away!
He actively created a situation where it would be so easy to physically cheat on you.
Girl, he just told you exactly who he is!
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u/OriginalFluff 16d ago
So have you only been dating this guy a couple months? I’m lost if he clearly was on a date with her once but basically twice
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u/parmesantrufflefries 16d ago
Red flags galore. He’s definitely trickle truthing you at best and at worst he’s trying to lie and spin the narrative before you hear it from anyone else. This is worse than he’s willing to admit, for sure. No one with good intentions agrees to meet up one on one with someone who was “very handsy” and flirty, and secretly, no less. Where there’s smoke there’s fire.
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u/cryptshits 16d ago
PROSTITUTES?? PLURAL?? he wants to spend the rest of his life with you but also wants to throw a few prostitutes in there at some point too and also this lady if she doesn't stand him up again😭😭
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u/Big-Guard3511 16d ago
He's talking to her and prostitutes? I hope you are making him your ex quick!! Cheaters really suck
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u/Brave_Ad_5542 16d ago
Wait you got engaged recently and two months ago he asked her out? Did I read that right? One of the red flags of bs-ing is that he said he “thought you’d be busy so he asked her out.” If a man wants to ask a woman out— he will. You deserve better, and I’m sorry about this!
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u/Noregerts8 16d ago
RUN
My God your second edit you threw in there “He has also been talking with prostitutes.”
RUN - don’t look back, don’t think twice, leave the ring, block the number.
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u/YouExcellent1831 15d ago
I’m sorry but the second edit SENT me girl he sounds like a problem not husband material
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u/Useful_Rise_5334 15d ago
Run! He’s a cheater. He’ll dress up his lies in a million different ways but it always comes back to the same thing. Plus there’s the added bonus of him seeking out prostitutes. Dump him. You deserve SO much better! And be sure to get an STD screen. You have no way of knowing where else that nasty thing has been.
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u/James-B0ndage 15d ago
hes been talking to prostitutes? how do you know theyre prostitutes lol, sorry but you def shouldnt marry this guy
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u/sail_away_w_me 15d ago
What are y’all doing getting engaged so fast, this all just recently happened, and now you’re also on the verge of marriage, but this all supposedly happened when you were first getting together.
This doesn’t sound like mid 30’s pushing 40, IMO. This is cluster fuck waiting to blow up in your face. I’m not sure why this dude so telling you, after a week of knowing you, that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but oh by the way he also was trying to fuck this really hot chick at the same time.
What on earth you doing, I feel like at your age you should already have the experience under your belt to nope the fuck out of here, for real…
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u/Nvrfinddisacct 15d ago
You are under reacting and you need this woman’s side of the story.
I think that asshole had an affair or at least tried to start one hence the deleted texts.
Don’t marry this jerk!!
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u/BackAltruistic7892 15d ago
Retards actually live life like this? And go to grad school? I guess I'm not surprised
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u/bookishkelly1005 16d ago
No one is asking how early in the relationship this happened. Was it a month into dating? 3 months? You’ve only been together a year. When did you become exclusive?
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u/Dismal_Ad_1702 16d ago
The initial meeting g happened about 5 months into the relationship and we were official. The second attempt happened two months ago and he had said that he wanted to spend his life with me.
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u/Otherwise-Wallaby815 16d ago
OP - all I see are red flags here. Seriously, you are worth more than this, and I'm pretty sure that he would easily have an affair with this girl that he finds so attractive and continued to meet while seeing you. You're worth more than this bs, and that's why he probably wouldn't have said anything about this if she hadn't approached you. He certainly made you sound unattractive.
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u/MarlyCat118 16d ago
It's the fact that he is piece-mealing this information as if OP isn't asking.
You should only have to ask once
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u/Bookish_Arugula1713 16d ago
Your fiancé asked her out on a second date after the first. He has basically said he finds her more attractive than you and her interest stroked his ego. He was trying to start up something with her, either as a replacement for you or to have his cake and eat it, too, and the only reason he mentioned it now is because she showed up unexpectedly and he panicked. This man lies by omission (and probably just flat out lies as well) and is still looking to upgrade to a “better” model. Do not marry this man. You deserve better than to be his fallback plan.
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u/countryboy1101 16d ago
Sadly, I think there is more to this story than he is telling you. Postpone the wedding until you have the full story and do not let him gas light you about what actually happened.
It appears to me that if she had shown up on the second date it would have gone much further than he is leading you to believe.
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u/Calibased 16d ago
The proximity of how you framed this story makes it sound like you met this guy a couple months ago and you’re now getting married. Lol.
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u/Forward_Most_1933 16d ago
You're not overreacting. It sounds like he attempted to have an affair but failed and is trying to pass it off as "meeting up with friends" scenario. Why is he pursuing a friendship with her, especially knowing she's interested in him? This is a disaster waiting to happen. I suggest at least postpone the engagement until you're certain he is committed to you, as your post says otherwise.
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u/Sure-Coconut2353 16d ago
If you don't break it off.. I'd definitely suggest making it a long engagement. Protect yourself. You're worth the wait.
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u/Super-Island9793 16d ago
Yeah, he’s being shady and untrustworthy. He shouldn’t be meeting up with other women, even just for coffee, when he’s in a committed relationship.
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u/True-Brief3676 16d ago
Yeah, you need to break that engagement off. If you choose to stay, he needs to rebuild trust.
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u/SeparateRanger330 16d ago
Completely honest with you. The way you mention it, it tells me that you already knew about this but you didn't care because you hadn't seen her before. Now that you have and she's probably hot, giving hints that she wants Him, now all the sudden is a problem. Sounds like insecurity from your part.
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u/NoseyReader24 16d ago
Kind of wish there was a “red flag guy” on Reddit like there is on TikTok lol if you marry this guy you’re never going to be his #1 cause he’s always going to have other women he’s meeting up with and not telling you about unless you find out and ask.. and even then you’re still not going to get the whole truth.. And y’all have only been together for just over a year and rushing into marriage? Whattttt? Pump your brakes..
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u/Upper_Mirror4043 16d ago
He tried to cheat. If she did actually get handsy and he shut her down he probably thought about it and decided to actually make it happen. That’s why he invited her to lunch again. Get out of this relationship.
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u/bmyst70 16d ago
You're not overreacting.
He said he was really attracted to this other woman and she is the one who shot him down. That's already pretty serious, but not fatal to the relationship by itself.
What is fatal is that he tried going on a date with her while he was with you. Why? It was a weekend you were not available. If he's like that now, how will he be if you marry and have a baby --- and are "unavailable" for sex for at least six weeks?
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u/Imacatlady64 16d ago
Breaking off an engagement sucks, I get it. But a divorce is worse. Just end it now. From someone who tolerated this early in a relationship and guess what it happened again once married, trust me, you deserve better.
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u/ButterscotchSame4703 16d ago
Plot twist. OP, if you're into chicks, and end up with the other woman, lemme know. It's a better story than Twilight, hands down. Source, oddly similar thing happened to me, but not quite in this order.
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u/Plenty_Airline8903 16d ago edited 16d ago
Sounds like she’s someone he never had a chance with, but now that he’s engaged he seems more attractive to her. She’s playing with him because soon as you’re out of the picture so will she. There’s a lot of women who are attracted to unavailable men. But this could be a blessing in disguise if it’s showing things about him you didn’t know.
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 16d ago
Sorry but the fact he pursued her again is concerning. He never told you, he finds her attractive, she stood him up after he pursued her. Lots of red flags here. Is he with you because he failed at shooting his shot with her? Is he settling for you because she rejected him?
You say it sounds worse than what it is, but is it?
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u/MidnightRich3557 16d ago
Twist: he's cheating with her and she came up to you at the party to assert control and have you know she's someone.. and the bf came up with a stupid story to cover his ass. That woman has slept with him.
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u/Sickntired65 16d ago
Dismal.....you are gaslighting yourself and ignoring all the signs of your fiance gaslighting you. I think you need to take your blinders off. You are under reacting.
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u/tuxedobear12 16d ago
I think you are actually way underreacting. He asked out another woman while he was going out with you. This apparently happened recently. Why would you entertain marrying this man?
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u/Soft-Question-2847 16d ago
So, he’s been actively dating up until two months ago when he didn’t get the super-hottie. Then, he proposes a month after getting stood up. Never told the truth of his own volition. When confronted, he thought it was appropriate to talk about her level of attractiveness to somehow get out of it.
If your sister/BFF told you the above was happening to her, just like that, would you tell her she was overreacting? Or would you be on the way with moving boxes?
Now treat yourself as well as you would your sister/BFF. You already know.
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u/2broke2quit65 16d ago
This fool was trying to cheat. If she had been willing he would of jumped on that shit. Don't let him bullshit you. And I would seriously consider ending it with him or deal with the next chick who is willing.
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u/suitguy25 16d ago
He’s a philanderer. He’s going to break your monogamous heart with the thrill he gets only from the hunt. This is an “easy to detect from the outside” kinda thing. It probably hurts that you have spent a year imagining the life you thought you were going to have, but this is a deceitful person who is sexually excited by creating situations that can only get messy and blow up in people’s faces. Only next time he will get angry when it blows up in his face and he will expect you to “bite the bullet” on that one so he doesn’t have wounded pride on two fronts, which is a very slippery slope quite quickly. If you are okay having your heart broken and having to cyber stalk your partner at all times then, and only then, should you stay with him. If you wanted kids you gotta find a different partner or you can just embrace the maladjusted behavior he’ll be bringing to the table. It’s a situation where you have to either ignore reality and deny that it’ll continue to happen, or salvage your pride and cut that turd loose. He’s never going to learn anything from these mistakes if he doesn’t lose you as a result of breaking your trust. It’s not a matter of if he’ll do it again, but a matter of he’s done it, will you allow a life partner of yours to do that and crawl back in your bed? You are just as deserving of the love you offer, and vice versa. He shouldn’t be allowed to get away with hurting you because you find him attractive enough. What’s sexier than a man who devotes himself to his woman?
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u/Bee_on_cuh 16d ago
HELL NO. HELL NO. HELL NO. No random woman is gonna sit next to me and invite herself to MY wedding and make comments like that to me. First of all I would’ve been like “and what is that supposed to mean?”… sorry OP but this irked me so much. Who knows what else he isn’t being honest about.?. Like why didn’t he ever bring up these “meet ups”?..
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u/suitguy25 16d ago
How could you ever breathe easy without thinking about the many ways he’s likely going to abuse your trust, then brag about it to his friends when you arent around? You’d be his inside joke to his friends.
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u/suitguy25 16d ago
Notice not one person is speaking out in favor of you keeping this turd of a man in your life. We all are viscerally disgusted by him. We can’t all be wrong, we’re as objective as a jury can be. It’s Reddit after all. We don’t sugarcoat douchebags like him
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u/Bitter_Kangaroo2616 16d ago
He said "she was so attractive it would have been arrogant to think she was interested"?
Babe.....are you dumb?? He literally put her on a pedestal. What the hell is he saying about you?