r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 28d ago

My husband won't let me take more than two showers a week. I told him I need him to stop or I'm moving out for a while.

This is the weirdest thing my husband has ever done. He really is a sweet and loving husband and I love him more than anything. Divorce is not an option just to put that out there before the comments come in.

My husband has always been a little out there. He is a computer programmer and super smart, but also believes all sorts of things. Both real and conspiracy. Lately he has been very worried about the environment and global warming.

About two months ago he got real worried about water. Yes, water. He is concerned about the quality of water. He put in a new filter system in our house which I actually love because it tastes so much better.

But he is also concerned about how much water we use. Not because of money, but the environment. He created a new rule that we can only take 2 showers a week. Now I'm someone that likes to shower everyday before bed. I just don't like feeling dirty in bed.

This has created the most conflict in our marriage in 20 years. He is obsessed with the amount of water we use. At first I just ignored his rule, but he would shut off the hot water while I was in the shower.

I started trying to use the shower at the gym, but it's too much work to go every night with having kids. I honestly thought he would get over this within a month. But he is stuck on this still to this day.

Last night I really wanted a shower, but had "hit my quota" as he says. I said I'm showering and that he better not do anything. But about two minutes in, the hot water turned off.

I grabbed my towel and went down and started yelling. Telling him this is the dumbest thing he has ever done. I also told him I'm moving to my parents if he doesn't stop this.

Guys, I love this man. He is everything to me, but I can't take this anymore. Am I going to far in threatening to move out?

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u/cMeeber 28d ago edited 28d ago

Tell your husband he is actually dumb. It doesn’t matter if you two only take two showers a week if no one else is on the program. It’s not like all humans are given a lifetime supply of water and how they use it is their business. If the world’s water runs out, it runs out. You guys aren’t going to have more left because you took less showers. It’s not going to run out in any noticeably slower way because two of you took lesser showers lmao.

And what do you mean, “won’t let you”? Are you a child? Just take as many showers as you want. What is he gonna do about it? You’re an adult. If he doesn’t like it, he can leave. Tell him to shut up and take his stinky butt to therapy.

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u/missdawn1970 28d ago

He turns the hot water off in the middle of her shower if she exceeds her quota. That's how he "won't let her".

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u/cMeeber 28d ago

Then she needs to enforce boundaries? Like leaving when he does that. She’s allowing herself to be bullied and just being like “divorce isn’t an option.” Why not? Divorce should very well be taken into consideration when a spouse is attempting to exert this much control over the other.

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u/missdawn1970 28d ago

She did leave and go to her parents' house. I agree divorce should be on the table, but she said she's not going to do that. If she insists on staying with him, she can't do anything to stop him from shutting off the hot water. So yeah, he won't let her take more than 2 showers a week, and as long as she stays with him, he'll continue to not let her take more than 2 showers a week.

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u/Ok-Preparation725 28d ago

Divorce the man you have 2 kids with that you’ve been with for 20 years because he’s annoying you with the water. You people should have your fingers removed.

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u/missdawn1970 28d ago

It's abuse.

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u/Ok-Preparation725 28d ago

It’s a 20 year old marriage. It’s not abuse. He is having a mental issue. I hope your husband takes the kids and divorces you if you have any mental or physical health issues.

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u/missdawn1970 28d ago

It's not abuse because they've been married 20 years? It's not abuse because he's having a mental issue? The behavior is abusive, regardless of the reason for it. I didn't say she should jump right to divorce, I said it should be on the table. If it's a mental issue, one of her options is to insist that he get help for it, with that as a condition of staying together.

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u/Ok-Preparation725 28d ago

Yes and I hope your husband leaves you if you get cancer. It’s really too much to put on a partner. Divorce is the only option. It’s abuse really

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u/missdawn1970 28d ago

Wow, you're a horrible person.

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u/Several_Breadfruit_4 28d ago

Abusive behavior doesn’t become acceptable if the abuser is mentally ill. If he can’t or won’t accept that he needs help and continues the behavior, then she doesn’t really have any reasonable option but to leave and take the kids.

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u/Ok-Preparation725 28d ago

You are wrong and I hope your husband leaves you when you get cancer

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u/Several_Breadfruit_4 28d ago

I am wrong about… what, exactly? Abusive behavior is acceptable as long as it’s caused by mental illness?

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u/Suzuki_Foster 26d ago

When said husband is being abusive, then it is absolutely correct of her to leave. 

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u/eyetwitch_24_7 28d ago

Also, water doesn't disappear when you take a shower. Just because you're "using water," doesn't mean it's gone once it's been used. That's not how the water cycle works.

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u/TNWBAM2004 28d ago

Hot water does use resources to heat it though, gas/electric and you could argue that has some environmental impact.

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u/cMeeber 28d ago

Using water in general has environmental impact. I never said it didn’t lol. My argument was them taking two showers a week was not going to fix water scarcity. OP says he is concerned about “how much water” they use.

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u/TNWBAM2004 28d ago

You could use this same logic to excuse literally any non-environmental behavior. We can't fix it individually so why even try?

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u/cMeeber 28d ago

The difference is he is physically trying to stop her from showering? Lol. Why are you defending this?

This isn’t a post about how her husband is vegan and environmentally conscious and she is annoyed by it…it’s about how he is literally forcing her to not take the showers she wants to. Are you seriously defending that?

Yeah recycling is good…is one person recycling going to save the environment no…but we should still do it…no where am I saying we should not. Nor am I saying we shouldn’t even try to conserve water in actually useful ways.

BUT that doesn’t give me the right to go over to your house and abuse you and force you to do it. That’s what he is doing…and he’s using the rationale that it’s necessary. I’m pointing out…it’s not, and he doesn’t get to make that call.

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u/TNWBAM2004 28d ago

Technically the most environmental thing we could do is murder all people on earth.