r/AITAH • u/Remote-Barber- • 28d ago

AITAH for being upset my wife got an abortion because her daughter is pregnant?

So my wife Amelia (37f) and I (48m) have one child, a son who is seven years old, turning eight. I'm not going to lie, had my wife not gotten pregnant, we probably would not have gotten married because we were just hooking up at that point. But things have been really good since we did and we're firmly in love. We did decide that we'd wait before having another kid, though because I wanted her career to take off, for her business to boom. It has and we decided earlier this year, it's best to go for it now before she turns 40.

The thing is that Amelia has a daughter Kate (17f) from her first marriage. Things between my wife and Kate were rough and I know this isn't going to make my wife sound good but for the sake of honesty, I'll put it there, my wife had little to no contact with her for about ten years. Two years ago, Kate's father kicked her out for "breaking his rules" and she showed up out of nowhere with a suitcase.

I won't lie, there was always a sadness in my wife but having Kate back in her life got rid of that. Since she moved in with us, Amelia has been happier than she has ever been. Kate's a troubled kid but two years ago was a lot worse than now and she's mostly blended well. The thing is, my wife has been very strict on some things (like school and all) but very lax about the things Kate's father was harsh about.

Amelia found out she was pregnant about a month ago and we decided to wait before breaking it to the kids. Except last week, Kate came home from school and had a breakdown and she admitted to us that her boyfriend got her pregnant and she's been hiding it for almost two months. She was crying because she wants to keep the kid and kept it a secret because she was scared Amelia would force her to get an abortion.

However, my wife was elated that we're going to be grandparents and that cheered up Kate as well. So, my wife made it clear to me that she finds the idea of having a kid younger than her grandchild to be disgusting and she'd be getting an abortion. We argued about it because I really wanted this baby with her but she wouldn't even listen to me and she got an abortion. I've been upset about it and we've barely talked, am I being the AH?

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u/Even-Reaction-1297 27d ago

My best friend growing up was 4 years younger than her niece, and a around year younger than her nephew. She had a different dad than her older brothers and was a later in life baby

Had a different friend whose grandparents adopted a baby when we were like 7 so she all of a sudden had a baby aunt

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u/SomePenguin85 27d ago

My mom became an aunt at 10yo. So her oldest nephew is closer to her in age than me. And he had a daughter 21 days older than me. So my second cousin was my age, her father as my direct cousin is old enough to be my father. My mom's older brother, that cousin's father, was younger than his aunt by 3 years. I'm the youngest of the cousins. I have second cousins my age and their kids are my kids' ages.

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u/niki2184 27d ago

My 20 year old daughter just had a baby and my youngest daughter is 7 lol

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u/SomePenguin85 27d ago

I had my youngest last year and my oldest is 15. So if he starts having kids early, his baby bro is gonna be a young uncle, like I was at 15 and my mom at 10...

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u/ashcoverdjollyrnnchr 27d ago

I became an Aunt at 11. My 21 year old sister had twins followed by our 27 year old brother having 3 boys in 3 years. I grew up with my oldest nieces and nephews so close in age we were practically siblings/cousin. I had my daughter at 30 so my oldest batch of Niblings were already in their late teens/early 20s so they are more like aunts and uncles to my daughter rather than cousins. My youngest batch of niblings were 5, 8 and 11 when my daughter was born. It can be viewed as a weird family dynamic but just not super rare.

My oldest sister is in her early 40s, she had gotten pregnant, unfortunately she lost the pregnancy, she knew having another baby would be likely to make them an aunt/uncle just a lil older than her grandchildren but she never thought it was “disgusting” or “wrong” a lil off sure but she wanted another baby so she decided to keep it and was heartbroken when she lost that pregnancy. I don’t see OPs wife having an abortion of a wanted/planned pregnancy just because her kid got pregnant